Aspergers, ODD I Don't like knives in my tummy!!! June 1, 2012

GOOD MORNING!!!

Happy 1st day of June and Friday!!!

My little wet rat baby= )

 Sooooooo.. I feel like I need a moment please.... I deserve it dangit!!

My first thing........ my post last week said Zombie Friday... I think I may have predicted the "zombie attack" in Florida  lololol  You have to admit that was weird!!!!!!

Second thing.....I HATE HATE HATE........did I say hate???  KNIVES in my stomach feeling..........OMGosh I had the worst stomach virus I think I have ever had.........All i had to do was move and i got nauseated........felt like I had little virus monsters in my stomach just slicing my insides out!!!!!!! Also, my back hurt, and my tummy was BLOATED!!!!!!!  I am pretty sure the viruses were having babies in there cause I looked pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!  I had on pants I wear just fine, no muffin top nothing  lololol.. WELL I guess it started Wednesday, cause at work.......omgoodness..... (embarrassing moment that I don't even know why I am saying it.) I went to my car and totally had to UN-button my pant and just lay there with the pain.........Yes.. I realized at this moment I was not well and I buttoned em up, went upstairs and got my stuff and WENT HOME!!

Anyway, I am better now, but it made me miss going to my sub-human's house for Taco's!!!!!!!!!!  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.....  Of course that set Samarra off too... She was not a happy camper...

So I actually sent her on a day trip to Andy's Alligator yesterday with Meadowood Baptist Church, which has a great kid and baby program by the way, and she had a blast all day....... Then comes home and says... cant wait to go to Auntie's tonight........I of course said.....We cant go honey, mommies tummy hurts and I am not gettin everyone sick.

DU DUM DUM...  lolol

And she is off....... We ARE GOING!!!, You said we were going and we are, i don't care if you don't feel well.........  Me, (yes I am still calm)......No honey we are not.......... Well you can stay here cause I am going, I will walk..........  Me: I laugh, no you wont...........Now screaming and shaking her hands.. have I mentioned when she gets upset she shakes her hands or claps?? Very annoying !!!!  And she says.............. CALL AUNTIE AND TELL HER TO COME GET ME NOW!!!!!!!!!!  YOU SAID WE WERE GOING!!!!

Honey, I cant fix that I am sick..................... She says....... WELL, you shouldn't have done something stupid enough to get sick in the first place! What are you ignorant??  She is crying now and rocking....... Saying over and over.. I am going, I am going..

You know.........I am not really sure what I look like when all this is happening, but I am pretty sure I may look like the spawn of the deepest darkest demon ever............Siahna just watches all this and is looking at me in fear.............Even she knows this is not going well....................She tries to comfort Samarra which is very dangerous cause Samarra will lash out at anyone who gets near her during times like these......... And if that happens I know I will snap!

See, this is where i get to make a decision, but it is also where divine intervention I believe comes into play.......And I must say............it may not be right...........I may be a horrible mother, and you can give me the most negative feedback if you like and I simply don't care............ I changed the plans and I know better, but you know what.. that is life and it happens so get used to it......

Punishment at this moment is not going to help............DISTRACTIONS DO............. So YAY for me, i didn't even yell...........I actually was in a panic on what to do a bit........... and it hit me.............We are going to the Zoo tonight and she didn't know yet...............So I say............Honey we are going to the zoo tomorrow after work...........it takes about 5 min more for her to stop all her actions and she calms down..........Siahna walks over and says...........are you done now???   SAD....  anyway.. then she looks at me and says........We are going to the zoo??  Then after all that I put a restriction on her and she says.......That was smart to do that after it is over mom, I don't think my brain could have handled it before...........  NICE....and GRRRRR

And if you read my blog quite a bit, you know what happened then..........Went from an anger meltdown to a happy meltdown..............She started clapping and stomping and grabbing me and jumping (did not bite)and ended up on the couch screaming from an overload of excitement...........

Well............I don't like either of them!!!!!!!!!!! But the later is better and less blood pressure raising!

Siahna says during this.............Samawwa!!!  GO TO YU WOOM and STOP! You need time owt!!!

Just FYI, I love the  night at the zoo where they make a special free event for children with special needs.........The atmosphere there during this time is so comforting ........Every family has a child with a special need and no one is staring.. no one looks at you funny if your child decides to drop down and scream.. very pleasant, VERY nice.. wish the whole world could be like this night....  No criticism, no color, just a automatic bond of some sorts....... AWESOME!

Well the rest of the week before that was pretty good............ On the holiday I called my sister and I was like.. PLEASE save me!!!!!!!!! Let Samarra stay the night with you!!!!!!!!!!!!  YAY.. she said yes....... So I got a break from having two for a while..........Siahna has such a different personality when Samarra is not there.......same, but different....

Well I set up a little play area for the girls to play in the water and I got this so WAY cool Mega Rocket.. I really am going to have to go get some more of those.. It is so fun.. Aaron and I were competing on who got it to go the highest!  I SO WON!!  lol Seriously this thing went so high you could just barely see it, then when it is comin down you had to be like bobbin and weavin to try and stay out of the path of it........... FUN!!!!!!!!!

We did a lot RANDOM DANCING, from iCarly if you don't know what it is....  Basically just out of the blue, you yell RANDOM DANCING.. in a deep echo voice is better.. lolol.. and you have to stop whatever your doing and dance.. to nothing  lolol

See I am a WAY COOL MOMMY.........Aaron says I am a bent twig and the girls take after me.. I do a lot of just stoooooopid stuff around the house and we just be crackin up all the time.....Yes, sometimes I am the only one laughing.. but.... oh well. lolol.............I think my insane craziness counter acts the serious stuff i deal with all the time.......... So there you have it another week of me and my saga....... I did not cry this week!!!!!  No one got hurt this week!!!!!!! I did yell a couple times and get a bit short tempered, but managed to snap out of it...........So all in all........I would say it was a success!!!!  WOO HOOO

So here is some of my week in pictures= ) 

Me on May 31.. Home sicko with knives in my tummy!!!!!

I love this face of hers... It usually goes with a deep voice .. lolol

Siahna.... Ridin the whale!!

Girls in the play pool= )

Me in my new boots.... LOVE THEM!!!  Samarra says... mom, you look like a fat super model in that, you just need to hike up the skirt a bit....  WOW  lololol  This one is for her.... I think that was a compliment...........confused look...

 Have an awesome week everyone!!

Aspergers, ODD, And he wispers to me..Samarra is weird.. but i like her....awww May 25, 2012

Happy almost weekend!!!!

That's my way of saying Friday this week.. lol

This is me today!!!

Three day weekend coming........WHOOOO  HOOOOOO!!!!!!!

This past week I think was a really good one! I say that because as I try to recollect it, I cant much  lolol  I really need to get to a doctor about this memory thing! BUT, then maybe God just blessed me with it so I do not remember EVERYTHING.. as i really do not want to remember some....... hummmmm So should I be thankful or worried  lololol

Well, Samarra is out of school and you know what............SO far transition has been good! She is still awake at 6 a.m. ready for something to eat and it is routine as usual, so I am sure that helps. We have only had one issue yesterday and today............Baby usually gets up at 7 a.m., well I am waiting until 7:15 or 7:20 to get her up.......SOOOOOO of course Samarra has cried and tried to reason with me it is SEVEN!!!!!!!!!!!  Not later!!! So she will say, I am going, I say no your not, she says......I have to, I say no you don't.......and then it is on......... she is SOOOOOOOO mad and she just basically takes the attitude, I am doing it and try and stop me and of course I fight back.. I start with ok, you lost 30 min of computer wanna go for more........She gets up at 7!!!!!!!!!! so finally before she is restricted from even having a day I just ignore her and let her pitch her fit.............. Then the hate words start coming and things get thrown.......... I PROMISE at these moments, I know God HAS to be right there with me!! He is behind me holding my arms back while i kick and scream to go after her........lolol  Cause I can feel my blood BOIL, but yet, i do nothing............. I think I should be on some kind of miracle show!!!!!!!!!!!!  lol

THEN!!!!!!!!

Both days after Samarra goes in there she says..................I guess I can get used to waking her up at 7:10, but no later!  What??? Seriusly after all of that....  I say, Samarra yesterday you said you could do it, she says... Well, I thought I could, but I cant... tomorrow I will........You know what.. i don't want a fight... 7:10 it will be i guess.......

OK, mommy confessional - You know someone sent me an email and thanked me for writing the truth about my life............Well you know.. even a child who is considered normal is not perfect every day and NO ONES life is all roses...........  I have challenges on me some don't have, and others have even harder challenges I don't have..... It's called life.......... So my confessional today is, I love Samarra sooooooooo much and I wouldn't change a thing about her, God does not make mistakes!!!!!! BUT, When i get up in the morning, i actually spend some of this time not intentionally, but i do spend time thinking, oh i hope she sleeps later or OMG I only have so many minutes till six. I am letting the situation put a fear in me or something.

I am not afraid of her... anymore... lolol  But I guess the anxiety of the unknown is what gets me........ Will it start good, will it start bad. what is it going to be.. I find myself looking around for things that can set things off bad and i just don't know and when something does happen i think DANG I shoulda done this or that.. When in reality...........I am doing what i can, it is not my fault!  Anyway.. I am only human.........So oh well......... I guess not a bad confessional....  = )

And we go happily on our way................... You know, It just seems such a waste of time! I don't even want to know how it would go if i did not have a bite of food for her!!!!!!!!!!!!  She eats at moms so i just give her like 1/4 of toast with her pills......  WHEW  WORLD WAR, I think we are on like 100 now....  lol


I am happy to say, we have a phone number of a friend from school and church now!!!!!!!!!!!  Her grandparents said they would like to call us and set a play date up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMG OMG OMG OMGosh !!!!! I cant even describe the emotions I have about this................This will be her first one!!!!!!!  I am nervous, excited, worried, even scared a little.......... Do I tell the grandparents about her, or do I just let it go how it will.........If I tell them will they freak out and not want to invite her or will they be understanding??????  

I just want it to be over so i know all of it...........grrrrrrrrrr  But I am happy mostly..............OHHHHHH and it was so cute......... there is a little boy Samarra's age at school named ( I may spell it wrong) Keron who was following her around and playin with her hair, chasing her and making her laugh at her school the other day............I was like yup, he likes her  lol  He walked up to me and whispers in my ear........Samarra is weird....But I like her... AWWWWWWWWW  They were both in a play at school and he played a part where he was suppose to be "the ladies man"  omgosh it was so cute!!!!!

So in the social department I was very excited this week and proud of Samarra!!........ She is getting old enough where she asks how she is suppose to respond to things, like the other day she says..."what am I suppose to do again if someone I just met comes and asks me if i want to play with them and there is more than one person playing?"     Seems pretty simple to ya huh...........Well not to her........she gets confused cause she has a hard time focusing on playing with more than one person then she gets confused and overwhelmed and then she usually goes off by herself ............ So I think a goal of mine is going to be taking her to the park more and getting her to interact with kids she doesn't know at all......... it is going to take some force, cause she usually just stays right by me and wont play.........grrrrrrr

You know it is hard sometimes to remember to praise Samarra for things other kids do normally..........I have got to do better with that.. praising her for talking to another child and such........... Lesson for me......... = )

So on another note, Siahna is so funny......... She is 2 and she talks non stop!!!!!!!!!! She will go on and on  and if i say anything she comes back with.. "I am not done yet" and keeps going.. I got some video of  it for ya= )  AND She says  "NOBODY" a lot!!  lol  Oh and sorry she says poop and pee in them too  lolol

Click here...Siahna video #1

Click here... Siahna # 2

Click here... Siahna # 3

Click here... Siahna # 4

Here are my photos for this week...

Samarra's award ceremony!!

Samarra and Siahna playing after graduation... That is her little friend Kuron, the only boy lol

Me today, May 25.

Samarra and her teacher Miss Schones...  Love her!!!

Cute and NO Pants again...

Have a great weekend and be safe on these roads over the holiday!!!!!!!!!

Aspergers, ODD...Little House on the Prarie punishment! May 18, 2012

Friday!!!!

 So how many ways can you actually keep saying....  Friday.......I was not thinking it is Friday.. I was thinking and well singing in my head "BOB the Builder"!!!!!!!   GRRRR... it has been in my head every morning this week!!!!! But I am glad it is Friday= )

Tomorrow me and the girls will be going to Texas for a very special event!!!!!!!!!

Jonathan Goforth, my brother-in-law, my sister Debbi's husband, and of course his parents son  lolol will be retiring from the Marines!!!!!!!!!  WOO HOOO.. We are proud of him!! 

Now the 3.5 hour drive with the girls.. not so sure if I am excited about that part.. but there is a chance Samarra will be riding with my sister.......PLEASE PLEASE  lolol  HINT HINT Debbi!

Well this week on the ol-home-front, my house went back to almost normal crazy!!  WOO HOOOO!!! Momma did not loose it , at least not that i remember, not even one time.......(Disclaimer, that may be a lie... lolol)

School went back to normal, and she did not get in trouble not even one time at school!!!!!!!  YAY!!!  But then she also got VERY sick over the weekend and she did not go to school on Tuesday....  I had her up and sitting outside the clinic at 7:30, thirty minutes before they even opened!  BY GOD, I was going to be first, and i will beat down anyone who challenges me!!!!  They had doctors to help them ... AFTER us of course  lololollol.... Someone pulled up in the lot and i was like get out we are going to stand by the door!   Poor thing didn't feel good. Diagnosis.........Sinus infection, rt. ear infection, upper respiratory infection..  How the heck you gonna get all of them at once???

OHHHHHH and the not keeping stuff down didn't help either.............OMG.. So I think there are stages of vomiting................1. Baby vomit....gets on you and it is no big deal, at least for me............2.Toddler vomit, still not so bad...........3. Kid vomit...........pushing it......................WELL Samarra has moved into the 4.Adult vomit stage.............this is the first time ever i got violently ill from it!!!!!!!!!!!!  I threw everything in the trash.. I did not give a darn what it was, IT's GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OMGosh what is that...................  blah!  Yes, of course i let her know i was not mad or anything.....= )  Good mommy...= )

OK, two funny statements i actually remembered this week from Samarra....

I told her no to something.............She says: You can be some what harsh and abrasive at times, but I still love you even though you act like you are from the Stone Age!  lolol

She also says.... I am the superior being in this house, it is unfortunate I am stuck in this 7 yo body... lolol

SO, even though we went back to normal, that means of course as all parents with children who are .. how shall i say.. a challenge.. are... Yes, we still had the arguing, the crying.. the meltdowns, the hitting, the anger.....and as always it is on like a light switch and it is off just as fast...  OH and i did cry one time= (       BOOOOOOOOOOOO  I know you feel very sorry for me don't you... lol


I guess that is what i did instead of loose it, i seriously just cried and for like two days i was almost completely silent!!!  I guess i needed that!!! Sorry for those who tried to call me on those days.. No, I did not answer phone either= (


So I know your dying to know..........What is Little House on the Prairie punishment????? Well I will tell you what it is....... Since time out, grounding and even spankins on occasion do not seem to work at all for her these days.. I finally lost it and told her dad..........YOU DO IT!  I am done!  and you know what...........I shoulda done it a long time ago.............He came up with the idea!!!!!!! She will do manual labor!!!!!!  lolol She has been wanting a garden, so now she has one..... She is creating a somewhat large garden in the back yard... Daddy tilled it up and her first part was picking up all the dead grass out of it........... Took her 4 hours on Saturday!!!!!!


So this is what happened... she cried a lot at first...............saying.. why did i have to hit mom, why did i talk back.. i promise i wont again.........why did i have to mean to sister...........(Yes, you crazies thinking we just dumped her out there) I put sun screen on her, I gave her water, she came in like 8 times, i went out there like 5 times, I showed her how to do it more efficiently after 30 min of her picking up 1 piece of grass at a time........

And yes, i actually sat down on the couch for a minute and watched an old movie.. "The Golden Child" I felt so lazy!!

One time Samarra came in she said to me.. hope your having fun in here all doing NOTHING while I am slaving away for your food..........lololol I just looked at her and said.. could you keep it down, I am watching TV.. lol she was all hmmmph and walked away.....  LOL  yes, mommy stooooped to her level yet again!


By the time she was done...................She was sooooooooooooooooooooo proud of herself, she wanted to tell everyone and show off.........She had done something so awesome and we praised her so much for it.........Sooooooooo We are going to be following through with this effort and I think when she gets done she will have learned that hard work does pay off and that she is awesome at something, and we are so proud, and NO ONE DID IT FOR HER!  Remember, all this time working she could have been fighting with me.. so it gives mommy a break too= )  Good JOB DAD!!!  The punishment part.........well, it it kind of you will do this.. she does not stick to anything very long unless she is interested in it....She will cry and fight back, but she will learn= )

OK, so I better finish getting ready for work, I know you want to read oh so much more and you miss me when I don't.. lolol

OH!!!!!!!!!!! Her behavioral doctor made a very very good point to me and now I get to put it in some peoples faces who think I am the problem not her since most of her things are lashed out at me!!!!!!!!!!    WOO HOO  lol  Besides the fact I spend the most time with her................Samarra wants to be in charge, she wants control, she wants things her way or the highway. But she doesn't push as much with everyone as she does with me and then my mother next..................I asked the doctor .. why... why when I try so hard and do what I am suppose to does this keep going on..........She looked at me and she said.. Darla, do you not realize that you are her #1 competition????  In your family unit, you are the only thing standing in her way of being woman of the house........She is trying to tear you down...... She feels you are a threat!

All of a sudden things made so much sense to me.............Even in her prayers at night she says.. bless mommy, but daddy the most.. i love him the most and my baby Siahna.................HHHHHHHMMMM

I will be pondering that for a minute.......Cause momma is not leavin  lol

OK, I slacked on pics this week and videos, but here are a few= )

Have an awesome day!!!

Aspergers, ODD.. Did i say ODD?? God chose me for my children!May 11, 2012

Happy Friday!!!

Happy almost Mother's Day!!!

For those of you who don't know.. I am going to share.. There was a time when i thought I would never have kids....When i was nine years old my body decided to become a woman...........Let me tell you.. THAT was one of the scariest moments of my life.. My older sisters might have been prepared.. but me.. 9... NO... it was too early! I was at my grandmothers house and it happened.. I was dying, I was not sure what I had done, but i was bleeding to death!! Thank God my mother let me know I was not going to die................
Little did I know that day would begin a very long journey!!!

By the time I was 16, I was so sick at times that i would have to be taken to the hospital with severe bleeding and I remember to this day my first DNC, (Sorry guys for this graphic) lolol That is where they cut the lining of your uterus out.......WELL, guess what.. My first one came with no anesthesia!!!!!!! I remember the nurse telling my mom to get at the head of the table and hold me down..... OMGosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was like hot knifes ripping me apart!!!!! I then was introduced to drugs!!!!!!!!!!!!  MMMMMMMM  love me some drugs....  No i don't mean to take drug use with a lite meaning, I have been fortunate enough to not be pre-dis positioned to abuse... I am a lucky one!

So come to find out, I have what they call Stein Leventhal Syndrome.... It is a combination of things, but it also involves ovarian cysts... Well I cant have babies with out assistance..........I went years and years to doctors and cried and cried and cried and begged and begged to have my babies......

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.......

God chose my time..............it is not my time, it was his....... I was seeing a wonderful doctor named Dr. Haase at OU medical center.................. HEY.. I just thought this!!! My babies are OU babies!!!!!!!!  WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!!!!!  GO OU!!!

OOps, went off on a tangent.. I am back  lolol 

I had surgery and they retrieved my eggs and fertilized them and then we started...... The first time I was implanted.. I found out that you MUST go in with your bladder so full you want to just die! I felt like i was 9 months pregnant with a bladder!!!!!!!! Reason is so your uterus is perfectly strait..........I laid there and whimpered and cried and begged them to let me go just a little..............I had to wait..........The doctors come in and they bring this incubator like they put new born babies in to stay warm and turned down the lights and I asked them why??? When they answered me I started crying cause I knew then how life is so precious and even though my babies were so tiny you cant even see them with out a microscope, they are alive and they like and dislike things....

Even at the stage they were in, the doctor said that the babies like it warm and they don't like the light...........I was crying knowing i was in the same room with my babies........

It did not work that time.... Samarra was not one of those eggs.. so They went back to Jesus= )

I lost both the babies..........This was very hard.....I know there is huge controversy on when a baby is a baby, but I am telling you my babies were alive and growing and yes, i loved everyone of them... The few minutes I got to spend with them in that room and then the two weeks i had them in me were so precious to me.Then God missed them so bad they needed to go home. So I went in the next time and they put my babies in and I went home.... Sit.. wait....go to work........try not to think about it........go back in a week to have hormone levels checked........wait.. go to work, try not to think about it......

OH, I forgot to mention each time trying you go through a HUGE very time specific plan of shots every day...lol one time it was getting time to have a shot and I had no one to give it to me!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually went to a neighbor (who was female AND was one of my own employees!!!!!) I went to her apartment and she opened the door with the look of ..........OMG what did I do.. am I getting fired.........And I had to explain to her why I was there and she gave me a shot in my bootay!!!!!!!!!!! I am pretty sure I violated SOOOOOOOOOOO many HR issues with that one.......... But , momma's will do anything for their babies!!!!!!! With out that one shot, i could have killed the babies instantly... It was basically like their food, since my body was not producing hormones like it should to help them grow................OMG we laugh about it till this day..!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Rayne Mckinney!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a picture of Samarra, although I am not for sure WHICH one she is.. lol

I got pictures of all my babies before = )  AWWWW  aren't they cute!!!  lolol

Went back to doctor and I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO

So the weirdest thing ever in all of this is.....................The rest of my eggs were put into cryogenics, frozen basically................Well I went back 5 years later to do it again and I lst quite a few.... and I had three eggs left and yup.. there came Siahna!!!!!!!!!!

Samarra and Siahna were both fertilized the SAME day!!!!!!!!!!! But Siahna was frozen for 5 years!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY ARE TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG just freaks me out!

Anyway.. I have two blessings in my life that drive me insane sometimes............What more could I ask for!!!!!!!!!

So back to reality.................This past week has been VERY trying..............I am back to the point of WHAT DO I DO!!!!!! Things are so good............then all hell breaks loose...............I have gotten almost hit, the mad devil look and screamed at, kicked, pushed and it just keeps going on............YES, her schedule at school was jacked up this week too.............DOES that give her the right??? NO, did she get consequences........YES.......Did I go crazy??? NO!!............Did I turn into a psycho mom??? NO............Did I want to??? YES!!!!!!!!...... lolololol Did I lower myself to her level a few times???? YES I DID!!! lololol....(One time she yelled I am NOT talking ever again.. I said THANK GOD.. now it can be quiet around here finally...........it just made her mad........ lololol) , so whatever.. i got childish.. I kept my cool didn't I..... I get kudos here by god!!! .........But i know it was because her routine was off! Thank GOD next week is just school!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ODD, has really shown its head this week.....And if it doesnt stop.. the MWWB is going to come out!!!! LOLOLOLOL MWWB = Momma who woops bootay) BHAAAA!!!! I crack me up!!............ I am hoping for better week next week............ No matter what I am still thankful for my girls and I am so thankful for my mother who has taught me everything I know about kids.

She is my God-send and I love her so much!!!

To all the mothers out there HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!! And to all the single fathers out there.. HAPPY MOTHER'S day!!!! For those of you who do not have children yet, or do not or can not have children.........God chose you for a purpose .. Like my sister says...........She is a spiritual mother to a lot of people and She has made a difference in more peoples lives than i ever will with just my two kids.......

Happy Mothers day to anyone who has any interaction and shows a mothers love to a child!!!!!!!

Some oldies of momma and girls= ) 

UM Kinda fuzzy.........  lol

Christmas 2011 at OPUBCO

OMG me with no makeup!!!!!!!!!

Lookin a hot mess and Siahna  lol

My babies= )  I think we all look kinda warped or fuzzy.. not sure  = )

GO OU!!!

 Have a GREAT WEEK!!!!!!!!!