Aspergers? ODD Samarra's Birthday!!! Memory Lane photos!!Aug. 31, 2011

Happy Wednesday!!!

Happy Birthday to my baby Samarra..  

OK she is 7 today...........How did that happen.........How did I survive???????? lololol

See she looks all sweet on the top!!!!!!!!!!!! LOL No, she is a good girl.. she is just too smart for her own good= ) So I thought last night I was going to have to put on restrictions for her birthday and I really didn't want to!!!!!

She just cant control her emotions and you know how all her responses to emotions are screwed up... Well her excitement over her birthday was just about enough to drive me to the grave........

She wanted to know where her present was hid.........I did not have it in the house and she was convinced I did....... She kept saying that I was lying and i was going to go to hell!!!!!!!!!

OH REALLY HUH??

So you can see just how frustrated she is.. but excited.......and MEAN......She is tearing into drawers and yanking things out.............

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH that means more for me to clean up.............How are kids so quick???????????? Its like they have this mini super power when they are kids to be so quick!!!!!!!!

BOYYYYYYYYY I got a hold of her and I am not for sure if it was the deep deep voice or just the deep voice with the look of a banshee.. I said DON'T MAKE ME MAKE YOUR BIRTHDAY A LIVING HELL FOR.......TOUCH ONE MORE THING AND IT WILL!!!!!.........She acted like she might...........I said............ DO IT AND TRY ME.......... I might have even had flames coming out my eyes......You should have seen my room.

NOT TO MENTION a couple shirts hit the floor!!!!!!!!!!!! UMMMMMMM hello wrinkles get on my nerves!!!!!!! OMG OMG BREATH..... I need OCD control lolol

Why the heck did someone call it OCD anyway???????????? Should it not be CDO.. it is alphabetized then!!! Who ever gave it that name DID NOT have it!!!!!!!!

OK, so the CDO, formally known as OCD has kicked in and i am insane,, must clean.

So the next thing, Samarra was so excited that she got a Birthday card from her nanna and it had $20 that is the most to date she has gotten!!!!!!!!!!! She goes to show daddy..........Daddy jokes with her he is taking it..........they fight............IT RIPS!!!!!!!

Samarra is screaming bloody murder.........Why do people say bloody murder anyway.. wouldn't they scream even if it was not bloody???? OH WELL......

OK so this is one of those times I should probably stop her..........but I cant.. I would be pissed too!!!!!!!!! I just let her go on with it, however I did ask for her to cut the tone down a bit and I would tape the $20 for her............ I did have to step in after a few moments when she started the kicking and wailing cause the baby almost got whacked...........

I told her I would get her another one and she wants that one....... I understand...

So I would say the night was good, but a little crazy....

But off to work today and I may take Samarra out tonight, I don't know yet= ) As much as I tell her we have to cut back cause I am BROKE AS A JOKE.......I still cant help but get her things..........Yes, she is spoiled.........Yes, it is my fault....... NO, I am not spoiling her for the lack of things that I had.........I had anything and everything to play with as a child for the times.... My MOM was awesome!!!!!!!!

I am going to do some photos from each year until this year of Samarra= )

Have a great day GUYS!!!

Aspergers? ODD....... OH NO SHE DID NOT throw a pillow at me! Aug. 30, 2011

Top of the Mornin to ya= )  LOL

So I missed Monday and I really, really shouldn't do that cause I swear Alzheimer's has kicked in with me already!! I cant seem to remember everything the past few days..... I know I was pretty busy, I know Samarra spent the night with her cousins on Sat. night so I had a morning with out making breakfast by 6 am......That was awesome!!!

I think I may be hormonal this week cause I am getting kinda weepy over stupid stuff....... All you men, I dont know if you can understand that or not, but all you woman.. YOU KNOW... Like nothing is really wrong, but like the sensitive level increases like 100%.... SO that pretty much sucks, but I think it is wearing off now.. whew!!!!!!! Hormones.. Hormones.. go away.. don't come back another day!!!!!!! Ok a little bit can stay lolol I don't want the hot flashes!!!

OK Im retarded I know= )

Ok so Sunday.. went to church.....Samarra was crying almost 100% of the time, but i ignored her.......... Went to eat with my sister and brother-in-law and the girls at pei wei... YUMMY!!! And right after the girls fell asleep in the car... SILENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Just so they both got a nap i just drove around lololol
Siahna saw Samarra asleep and she decided to pretend to sleep and accidentally fell asleep So cute!!

So I took baby to mom and I took Samarra to meet Chelsie and her son J.R. and the baby Shaylee.....I might have spelled that wrong= ( She is so cute!!!! So they had a good time bowling... It was kind of a pre-birthday thing.

 Siahna with mom playing on a Nextbook........ These kids these days........not even two and plays with it!!!

I was smart.. I did NOT tell Samarra where we were going before hand! Or life would have been horrible....

Give you an example... This morning , because tomorrow is her birthday.. I said.. So what do you want to bring to class for your birthday tomorrow... She thinks and says.. donuts and juice.....I said that sounds good and she keep on talking. Somewhere in there she decided it should be today that i bring them. I told her no we are going to wait until her special day.

AND THEN IT HAPPENED....

She gets REAL angry............she looks at me mean and says through crying.. I am NOT going to doctor............I am NOT going to school.......I am NOT going to do what you tell me unless you bring the donuts today!!!!!!!!!!!!

See I am so improving............YAY ME...YAY ME... GO MOMMA......GO MOMMA...... hey someone has to cheer me on...lololol   I didn't even get mad......... I just said.. we are going and i am not bringing the stuff today and you have a choice to be mad or happy cause it wont change...... I walked off....

WELL she gets her mind on something like bowling or food, or ANYTHING and this is how she gets....So once again I did good by not telling her about bowling.....I did NOT do good by talking about her birthday.....

Anyway so she stopped crying and decided she would get back at me... I am in bedroom putting on shoes and she walked in and through a pillow at me hard......... OK, yea it was a pillow but what if it was a knife???

I still stayed calm....... HOW I DON'T KNOW.......... I said Samarra....I know why you did that.. cause you wanted to get back at me cause your mad and that is unacceptable always and you will now loose your TV privileges for the whole day after school..........Get mad now and you will loose all your bread for the day......what is your choice?

She walked to the living room and sat down hands over her ears and rocking and mumbling...........You know what I don't even care........... She is not being abusive and violent so I call this a 100% success!!!!!!!!!

I did try something similar over the weekend and it failed miserably and things were flying in her room for about 15 minutes and when she was done I made her clean it up.......

You know the me getting on track is not as hard as I thought.........I have went OVERBOARD to make sure routines are not changed........I will work on that another day.........That will be the hard part.

BABY STEPS

OHHHHHHHHHH except tonight I will be starting her sleeping in her bed again..........GOD help us!!!

Everyone think positive for me tonight!! I already know how this is going to go.... I hope not.. but.. lots of screaming... lots of kicking.........lots of getting up.........me screaming eventually......

Maybe I will wait since it is her birthday tomorrow......... UM YEA I AM CHICKEN...
If you think you can do better??? lololol  Ok that was easy, I talked myself out  of it tonight= )  WEAK MOMMA........  lol

Well here are some cute pics from the weekend= )

 J.R. eating

Samarra trying to catch Siahna for picture= )

J.R. and Samarra

 My babies= )

Have a GREAT DAY!!!

Aspergers? ODD... Welcome to my nightmare!!! LOL Ok, not THAT bad... Aug. 26, 2011

HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!

Happy Birthday to the best-est brother of all times! I love you Dwain!!!

 My Brother .. isn't he handsom!!!

You are now entering the freakin TWILIGHT ZONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK....... I get home, I try to pick things I couldn't clean up the night before from being in pain..... And SOMEWHERE from my front door to my mothers front door........I slipped into another realm of existence where the girls have lost it!!!!!!!

The neighbor had brought her dog over to show off for a moment before I got there and when I walked in, Siahna was crying cause she wanted the dog.. Samarra says.. we are going to go visit her and see the dog.......I looked at her and said no we are not going over there.. honey she goes to bed real early........AAAAAAAAAAANDDDDD it started....... Samarra flops down like a fish and starts repeating over and over doggy doggy doggy doggy.. kicking and screaming with a pillow on her face..........

I am like two minutes in the door by this time...........WHAT THE????????? So this goes on for a while and Samarra as quick as it starts stops.. Is dinner ready? I tell her yes.. And she is gone.........whew.....

So now I get Siahna's stuff together which i might mention she has poofy eyes from crying so much... We go home.......I get them dinner and all seems happy for a moment and I thought me coming home transferred me back to our own realm......

IT DID NOT!!!!

Siahna Starts crying because Samarra touched her food........Which by the way DONT EVER TOUCH Siahna's food!!!!!!!!! She will get so mad and turn into .. well i don't know.. but you can see the anger and how upset she gets...

Ok so now Siahna is crying........I go to console her.........NOPE.........Now Samarra is screaming and crying...........Do you remember Samarra has a sensitivity to some sounds and vibrations????????? Guess what?????????? Her sisters crying sets Samarra off....

Seriously????? Ok, so now I am holding the baby and she is all cuddled up to me and still crying....... I try playing....NOPE.... Giving her drink.......NOPE...............Reading.........NOPE........... Samarra is getting worse.........

Here are the things Samarra is yelling from behind her crying.....

I am the worst sister ever....
I should just die so no one will have to deal with me......
I cant get my sister to quit crying......
I want to go to live with MiMI
Make her stop!!!!!!
I cant handle this....... let me leave
I wished I could die!
Where is my headset!!!!!!!!!!!!
 I am going to start a fire in this house if you don't get her to quit!!!!!

Ok I had to ask about that one..

She says it is so she can get arrested and go to jail where it is quiet..... HUM....... I guess it would be quiet........ lolol

Ok so it just keeps going on.......... I even made a brownie for us all and they cried while eating it....Who doesn't like brownies!!!!!!!!

Ok so here is a photo, which is Samarra with blanket on head screaming and rocking.

So seriously I am pretty good in these situations and I was completely at a loss a the moment.........Guess what???????? MOM is next door......... I call her.. she keeps yelling I cant hear you... I cant hear you... Finally she got to hear me yell...... COME OVER....... click

MOM is at the door............WHEW!!!!

Mom walks in.. takes baby in the other room alone and I get Samarra.....between the two of us with in 5 min the house was quiet............ OMG i didnt think it would ever stop!!!!!!

Now.......for those of you who think.. well I did it alone with out help........GOOD FOR YOU! 1. you don't have Samarra...........2. I am sorry you didn't have help.... but really wouldn't i be stupid if i didn't use the resources i have when she is 100% willing and loves the kids???? lolol

UM NO if i don't have to do it alone.. why would I??? LOL

Anyway the crying went from 5:30 until 7:15 when I finally called mom So I gave it a good try= )

It is just so hard cause Samarra is the hardest one to get under control in those situations but then i have to hold the baby or she cries more which causes Samarra to go into a complete meltdown....So then what??

So I have to admit I didn't want mom to leave really but i got a couple things done and then I needed to let her get back..........Siahna started crying but it was a normal i want to go too cry, she loves outside= ) And now it is 8:05 and almost time for bed so I got teeth brushed and got the girls in bed.........

WHEW!!! So basically i had what 30 min with my kids last night= (

Makes you wonder if they picked up on the tension i had from being in pain or something..........

All I can say is...........

THANK GOD I made it to FRIDAY!!!!
But really to me more importantly.. the girls got past the breakdown and were happy... I hate seeing my girls like that..... No, I don't think it is just about me and how I feel.. I will always put them before my feelings...


Have an awesome day!!!!!!!

Aspergers? ODD.. Insurance is DUMB!!! OMG THE PAIN!!! Aug. 25, 2011

Happy Thursday

So Tuesday night i did not sleep like at all.. why I get so anxious for the dentist , I dont know....

So I have a headache.... BOOOOOOOO But the day goes on... I take Samarra to her Therapy appt. and find out that insurance has decided that they are going to deny the claim on all her visits........... This makes me so mad.. FINALLY I find a place who is helping me and Samarra and insurance tells us no..... UGGGGGGGG........The doctor is so super sweet in that she said I am not going to make you pay what insurance would have because this is not your fault... and has set me up where we can come at a super discounted rate.... But it is out of pocket all together!!

So this is when I have to decide is it worth it.............YES!!!!!!! I don't know how I will keep up with all of it, but..... I have to! OHH and get this.. The insurance says they deny because they don't cover "family" therapy........They will however cover therapy for just Samarra...........BUT........they do not accept her diagnosis as a medical reason for therapy........... Isn't that awesome!!

So lets see if I have this strait........... ODD = Oppositional Defiant Disorder, this disorder is NOT covered by insurance to receive therapy........... UUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMM Do they NOT realize that this disorder if left untreated is what leads kids to cruelty to animals............. complete defiance to all authority............Very aggressive behaviors to others............... Do you have to have a degree to see that all those combination's = SERIOUS ISSUES??????? OH I get so mad!!!!!!!! OK BREATH.......BREATH......

Ok so anyway, I took her back to school and off to work and then I leave to go to dentist......

I now know why I have dentist ANXIETY!!!! IT HURTS!!!!!!! Ok so my tooth that cracked cause of BEEF JERKY!!! Was BAD infected.. and guess what I found out yesterday..............

Infection is an acid
Anesthesia is a base

So if you know anything about those things you know that they counter each other on the PH balance scale which means................ANESTHESIA does not work as well when there is an infection..........I got to feel him working on me part of the time!!!!!!!!!!!! Hello?? I felt like i was in a cave with him hitting me with a rock and grunting! OMG!

So I leave and all I want to do is cry it hurts soooooooo bad.. anesthesia is almost wore off already........I am bout 45 min from home......BAD BAD idea driving myself!!!!

Got home, LORTAB, ICEPACK and off to bed! 30 min later pain still there but bearable.

My mom is so sweet she brought me ice cream, sherbert and a frozen lemonade from McDonalds= ) Love you mom!

She also kept the girls all night.. Samarra came home at 8:30 to go to bed and she kept the baby at her house...........WHEW.......Am I ever blessed to have her!

So now on to another day.. I am hurting pretty bad still... but I took a pain pill.. not lortab, but I am trying to see how it goes up here at work......If it gets too bad, I will go home..

I didn't have girls for pics last night but i did take some of Siahna the night before when she was trying to act all big girl with an old purse of mine.. cute= ) She would put it on her shoulder and say By bye and walk off.. then she would turn around and say Back.. like she was back = )

So have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!

Aspergers? ODD.......Is it me, or do other kids do this?? Aug. 23, 2011

Happy Tuesday!!!!!

So I have to say... I am a little mad at this dumb infection in my face! SERIOUSLY after one round of antibiotics and switching to another one and taking it for ummmmmmmmmmm 4 days now.. I still am having pain...........IM DONE.. go away! UGGGG

So I am wondering.. is this just me... or do all kids act like mine??

Was my night bad?? No I wouldn't say it was, but would you??

I already know that not all kids count down time and cry when things don't happen when they are "suppose" to..... So here is a scenario........... I am cleaning house and i decided to clean the bathroom first , then go into the bedroom and clean, then go to the kitchen........... Well i usually do it the opposite, but you know my life is so boring this was my way of changing things lololol Samarra is on me crying and freaking out cause i am doing it all wrong...... Hello??? this is MY ROUTINE.. not yours.. get out of my routine!!!!.........GO PLAY or something........ She still just keeps on me .. you are suppose to be cleaning the kitchen now and telling me my routine...........

Then continues to freak out when I take out the trash........WHAT THE??? Now I have a set time i can take out trash?? Am I getting controlled again in a different way???

So I never yelled but i have to say my anxiety level was quite high.. but I think the cleaning countered it... lololol And the more I got on her the more she got upset...

Thank GOD it only lasted the amount of time i cleaned which wasn't long cause I didn't really NEED to clean anyway= )

So now we are spending time watching Wheel of Fortune.. of course... and Then Jurassic Park came on and she wanted pop corn and as a family we watched the movie for a while........YES, of course she got up and left and came back , left and came back, left and came back............ but to her she called it Essential family bonding time.......... LOLOL OK whatever she wants it to be haha...

So really besides the crying, freaking, getting mad and messing up things to make me mad........pretty good night............

So I go to get girls in bed......Samarra is crying.............begging.................screaming...........more crying.........more begging......... for me to stay with her or her sleep with me......Here is why.. and I am sorry I know it is serious to her and yes, i treated it as such........ She had a dream about an old lady frog who was 900 something who talked like a kid and she died of old age..... That's it.... HAHA I am sorry but it is kind of funny. So she is praying and she says.. and please please don't let me have frog dying dreams!! Oh and make daddy wear bigger shirts........... I lost it right then.. but had to hold it in........he has some old shirts he puts on at times and they are a little small... lololol but i have no clue when he did last lol but apparently she thought of it...

Kids are funny= )

I got them to bed and I decided to watch TV and I do not even remember what wason, next thing I know the alarm went off....

Oldies sorry= )

Have an AWESOME DAY!!!

Aspergers? ODD........Supermom fights the evil ODD villian!!!

Happy Monday everyone!!!!!

NO, I am not calling my daughter evil.. I am calling ODD evil!!!!!!! I am becoming pretty good at it I might say....But I notice the better I get, the more angry I get.........No wonder I didn't mess with it before, I like the calm of me not butting heads with Samarra.  


LOVE LOVE the overcast weather, I got COLD on my way to work!!!!!!!  WIERD!!!

So I felt like crapola anyway cause of my dang tooth!!!! Which I must say AGAIN the beef jerky was really good!!!  LOLOLOL  But anyway so Saturday I decide we are going to Bricktown to eat at Spaghetti Warehouse cause I haven't been there in a while and because I keep seeing that ANNOYING commercial for Walls Discount Store, I have to go see what the heck it is.............

So went to eat with momma and Jana, girls and myself and we had this waiter who screamed of "I DON'T WANT TO BE WORKING".............that's cool, I wouldn't have wanted to work either........... but I am not sure I have ever had so many mistakes made in one single restaurant visit.........I could go down the list and tell all of them but.. I am pretty laid back.. I got my food so......... ok..........BUT I am surprised not one thing offered to us as a jester...........Not trying to get free stuff...........but it would have been nice= ) Will I go back.........sure, i like it  lolol

To be honest I am not for sure it wasn't Samarra that was throwing him off........She has no patients and what he didn't know is if he says it, she remembers it.. So he comes to the table and she says to him....... You said you would bring our bread right back out and I saw you go help another table.......you did not do what you said you would do... you lied..........I am like OMGOSH........  She HAS NO FILTER at all!!!!!!!!

Another time, before I caught her she asked him why he was making so many mistakes.............I get so angry when she does this.............. I mean it is what we all think true enough ...... but I have got to teach her to keep it in!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, So we go to Wall's and the best thing I can tell you is ... you NEVER need to go...........it is kinda gross!!!  They get like random boxes of stuff from anywhere and sell it discounted.........  WEIRD............I found a pair of baby shoes from Prada on sale for $279.00.........I walked out of there with a picture of them only!!!!!!!!!!!!  lolol

So we didn't get home until later, so the night went pretty good.. then I woke up and it was Sunday at 7:30 am!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That is the latest I have slept in for a very long time!!!!!!!!!!!! This means I am am going to be in for HELL when i get out of bed........................UUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGG  I love the sleep, but really it is not worth it.................SIGH............OK here I go.........

And as predicted for the first 30 min of my morning it was Samarra on me like a freakin tick........ Breakfast is suppose to be at 6.............I am suppose to have had a shower............... she is starving..................I try my hardest to use my new found techniques on her but at least she didn't wake me up............ She is crying........she is trying to eat frozen waffle out of the freezer............trying to grab anything i get out............She is trying to wake up the baby............She is mad and just all over......................I AM ABOUT TO SNAP!!!!!!!!

LORD HELP ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally grab her and hold her real tight and look her dead in the eye  and said. SIT DOWN ON THE FLOOR and don't move or speak one word or I will not give you any food at all!!!!!!!!!!!! And if you even so much as try to cry I will put you in bed with no food and no TV and no computer games all day.. and if you think I am kidding TRY IT................  All this had kinda a deep raspy voice to it......... 

The POWER of surprise works very well sometimes= )

So We didn't make it to church, but she got me so riled up I cleaned for like 6 hours strait after hard enough for me to be sweating inside the house...........My house looked amazing!!!!  I was upset when i got done cause I wanted to do more, I wasn't done being upset! I was extremely tired after though.

There was a meltdown later in the day, but even that was not as bad to me as the morning time........  played some games..........ate some food.........cleaned some more........

Still having issues with the death talk and time issues, but at least no one has been hurt. I have to watch her close though, cause she tries to get Siahna to do things that could hurt her, just to say she didnt do it........  She is not dumb........

She had Siahna going head first off the bed and when she falls Siahna is screaming and Samarra is laughing and saying i didn't touch her, she did it by herself...............  What to do with her....... 

So the night went on and to others it may have been bad, but to me it was normal...............crying...........irritating.................weird emotion reactions to things............ but my house is clean and I am fine= ) I LOVE my OCD!!!

Well it is close to kids bedtime and I am TIRED!!!

Here are some photos from this weekend= )

 Escape from CUBEVILLE............Kinda cute game= )

Have a GREAT day!!!

Aspergers? ODD AHHH the PAIN!!!! Wonderful first day of school!!!! Aug.18, 2011

Happy Thursday!!!!!

So I woke up this morning and my eyes opened up and that's when I KNEW........... MY THROAT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!! I am not for sure but I think some little infection dudes set up shot in there and where jack hammering my throat out!!!!!! Shooting sharp pain every time i moved......AND my throat is swollen on the outside under my ear......The cause you ask??????????? BEEF JERKY!!!!!!! it was really good by the way!

So here is the story.....About 4 or 5 years ago I am eating beef Jerky.....The top right side of mouth hurt the next day......I go to dentist........I had cracked the very tip of the tooth way up in my jaw....NICE....... not infected.. good tooth......but cracked......He said take it out...........I looked at him like he lost his mind and said ......UM NO!!!!!!!! So life goes on.. no problems with tooth EVER unless I eat something that requires extra chewing and I have learned to chew on the other side but sometimes food sneaks over to that side..... WELL apparently it did again and it caused it to get real irritated and now infected....... NICE....

So now I am on antibiotics but it hurts worse!!!!!!!!!  UUUUUUGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!!!  I seriously am thinking of staying home today it hurts that bad, but after Fiorocet and Motrin, i can at least open my mouth...... So Off to work I will go= )  I so wanted morphine!!!!!!!

OK enough about boring me............

Samarra had a wonderful day and a wonderful night.. of course I do need to be honest in that I had to go by pharmacy and didn't even get home till like 6:35 so she ate at moms house and somehow I talked the husband into washing dishes and when i got home all i had to do was pick up , vacuum, and play with kids.. Oh and lay out clothes for today.. SOOOOOOO i was not anticipating issues so we spent the night talking about school and playing.....She says she wants to learn how to dance, so I am going to try and find a hip hop class for her= )

Yes, of course we had time issues where i used the ever dreaded words of "second" and "minute" and she still tried to get rid of her sister with out me knowing by putting her in closet and shutting the door..  But overall it was one of the best nights in a while......Oh except this face crap going on .......= )

So sorry guys..... yet a boring blog post and I am so happy i am able to bore you today!!!!!!!!!

Ok I had too much fun last night to take photos.. so here is some oldie but goodies!!!

 Have a wonderful day!

Aspergers, ODD.......OVER Excited!!!!!!! Aug. 17, 2011

Happy Wednesday!!!!!!!!!!!

Good Morning to you, Good morning to you... We are all in our places with smiles on our faces... This is the day to start a new day!!!!!!   

OMGosh I hate that song!!!!!!! My mom... the happiest person on the planet used to come in my room every morning growing up, turn the light on and sing in the happiest voice she could!!!!!!!!! I hated it!!!!  AND now i pretty much think it every morning still.... ugggggggg   lolololololol

So this one is going to be short cause I can describe the night we had real easy cause it was the same ALL NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!  

OVER EXCITED!!!!!!!

It is ok though.. Samarra is so extremely excited to go to her new school......... I am so excited too, BUT I don't do the weird African native bush dance to show it... lololol

This is similar to her dance, but somehow she manages to get both feet off the ground  lololol 

So the whole night was full of non stop talking and irritating the baby which she was crying most of the night.. I got mad a few times and had to raise the voice....... Had to do a few time outs........... Had to deal with time issues.......... Some crying............some anxiety of her being left at school forever.......... I don't think it was too far from what all parents deal with, I do however believe it was on a higher level of reactions from her to those situations......... She doesn't handle change even though she wants it at times.......... Her emotions come out different than other kids........

Pain = laugh

Happy = destructive and mean

Anxiety = cry and death

Sad = usually faking it.

I am sure we will get them in the right order one day  lol

 I spent time off and on s the evening went on in pointing out things she does that in making friends they will not like it and had her help me change it to things people would like......... 

She hates showering even though she does every day or other and she jumped in and out last night cause she was so anxious and I then told her in making friends they will not want to be friends if she is stinky... she went back and showered. it took her like 2 seconds to brush teeth and I then told her people don't like dirty teeth and stinky breath= ) 

I did not just talk of hygiene things.. we talked about sharing, no DEATH talk!!!!!!!!! Being a good loser if she doesn't win a game.............Would love to see the face of the person who beat her and the board goes flying and she says something like...... this game is for stupid people.. the only way you could beat me is if the game was created to allow everyone to win.. I am smarter than everyone and i wouldn't loose! She then would probably challenge them to chess... lolol

Anyway..................... I am Anxious.........Nervous............Hopefull!

Here is my Love Bug on her first day of second grade= )

Have an AWESOME Wednesday!!!!!!!!!

Aspergers? ODD...Improved... But INSANE!!! Aug. 16, 2011

Happy Happy TUESDAY!!!

This update comes to you from an insane person and may not make any sense........ LOLOLOL

 

I am not for sure why, but I think I have told you before that I myself am not normal I don't think.....  I am constantly thinking.........not just on ONE topic.... Not just on TWO topics...........MANY topics........ I can go from music to nachos, to bills to conversations to a TV show in 1.1 second flat. I am often looked at by others because sometimes what I choose to say out loud is so off the wall I am looked at as being funny........  lololol  I seriously don't try!!   OH and if you know me well enough NACHOS is usually always a part of my thought process....  I think I could live on them..........of course I would die by them too  lololol

Kind of funny, I heard a comedian Mark Cooper do a stand up a long time ago and he talked about taking a ghetto woman out to a nice restaurant and when she goes in she says to the waiter... "Ya'll got nacho in here"   HAHAHAHA  I think of that when i start thinking of nachos....  I actually would prefer it to a fancy meal  lolol  I am not ghetto though...  I live in the ghetto........... but i am not.... lolol

OK, so my point is.................MY HEAD IS DOING ITS OWN THING!  OH and not to mention I heard a song on the radio the other day and i cried!  WHAT THE????

ANNNNNNDDDDDDDDD, my tooth hurts.............  So why the heck am I smiling????????  LOLOL  I guess the thoughts of nachos has me  lolol  See I told you INSANE!!  But I cant be insane because insane people don't know they are.........  hummmm

I need a vacation!!!!!!!!!!!!  Here is me when I had one.............So peaceful..............AAAAAAAHHHHH. I was I think at Navarre Beach at my sister DeAnn's house..

OK, so now to the blog topic....  Samarra on a few days is having her last hoooorah before school at her aunts house.........So I only had her a couple nights, but she made sure I knew she was there!!!!!!!!!!!!
So THE BLOCK feature is now being used at our house and SHE DOESN'T like it. but I don't care.... lolol

Anything she can do I can do better<----That's a song by the way.....lol.......  Yes, I got a little childish  about it..........lolol  Why does it feel so good to stoop to her level sometimes????? It doesn't help, it makes it worse, so why do i enjoy it......  lolololololol

Things are looking up at the Lindauer home....  less throwing and dangerous things going on.............. No blood this week!!!!!!!!! Because I am being so much more into proper behavior and actually calling her out on things, she is pushing with strength of 1000 horses........... She has tried the no one loves me..............I wish i was never born..............I wish you would die..............you know all the feel sorry for me things and I do NOT entertain it at all...........BUT I call her out on it...........You know your only trying to get attention and it doesn't work.........I will not even speak to you until you have something positive to say and talk about proper things.........

The death hasn't went away yet, I truly feel like she has a heightened interest in this area, and maybe not even for bad purposes...... Maybe I need to focus her to medical books...........have I said that before???  I think I have... But medical books talk about things I am not ready to discuss  lololol

A couple times Samarra seemed to zone out on me for a while... I am thinking maybe it is she is trying to process all the NEW ways around the house??? I don't know...  When I say zone out, she does not want to be bothered with anything........... it is kind of weird in that she seems to not be with us during this time..........She rocks, and her arms jerk every once in a while but she just sits.............. OH well she is quiet right...lololol

So she starts school tomorrow and I am anxious and nervous.......... she is very excited about it. I really hope this year will be better than the last one!!!

I like the fact that the school has online reports daily, but that the teacher sends notes home daily as well.!!

She will be a Knight!!!!

Her birthday is in a few weeks and she will be 7!!!!!!!!!!  Here is her on her 1st, 3rd, and 4th birthday.

Have an awesome day!!!!

Aspergers? ODD, Instant RAGE and ready for school lol Aug. 12, 2011

HAPPY HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!!  

 Doing happy dance, the one I hope no one ever sees me do unless they love me unconditionally!!   

I had a friend pass away from leukemia yesterday..........Prayers to the whole family!!!

So I did not right yesterday, I was soooooooooooo extremely busy........ But for all of you addicts out there!!!  YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!  Next time I will post something even if it is a pic of me with a mean face!!

Ok so you want to know why I titled instant RAGE?? It is lovely Wed. evening and I am cleaning........ because I love to clean and I love to see my house so clean.. it makes me happy........... lol ANYWAY. I go to take the trash out, well I have to shut the big door because Siahna knows how to open door and escape the screen door. So let me see if I can play this out right...

I walk out door with trash.

I close door behind me.

Samarra goes to window.

I am not off porch yet and Samarra starts tapping window with one hand and waving for me to come back in with the other.

I tell her to stop I am just taking trash out.

She begins to hit the window harder and her face looks funny and the other hand is in full motion of waving for me to come in.. it is getting a bit loud...

I think.. I am not sure I had the look of piercing knives and I am thinking WHAT THE???????

Stop Samarra!!!!!! Give me like 30 seconds to get trash in container.  I start to take some steps.

She starts banging on the window face all weird......... AND............AND......... she starts kicking the wall HARD!!!!!!!!! And she is still doing all the rest.

SNAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I drop the trash and I am sure i looked like a charging BULL coming back up the steps and she took off!!!!!!

It was at this moment I had to make a very important decision that some parents don't do..............REALIZE I was irrational at the moment due to the situation and I seriously was going to spank her, but I couldn't cause I DO NOT spank out of anger.........

So I let her be where ever she went for a moment, and i tried to figure out why this even happened and i went and asked her.. at this point she was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO gone, no discussion was possible I went on with cleaning.. I needed it now more than EVER!!!! 

So the Doctor has told me that her anxiety issues with being alone need to be worke don and the worst thing i could possibly do for a consequence is make her play in another room. Because she has got to learn she can be in a room alone and I am not going to leave the house with out her.... Kind of like taking a child to daycare for first time they learn to know mommy or daddy is coming back.

Thank GOD I am clam now, still MAD AS HECK, but calm......... So she says. Well daddy left and I didnt want you to leave..................I AM TAKING THE TRASH OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!         Oh and by the way.. daddy did not LEAVE LEAVE...........He is at Sturgis in South Dakota with his family!!! he will be back this week. 

OK, so the reason may be a good one cause she was scared, but the action is UNACCEPTABLE!!!!!!!!!! So i did issue a consequence and that was no computer games all night, no TV all night and she WILL stay in her room and find something to do for 30 min and if she even speaks of coming out to me then the time will be added and she is not to ask me to come in there either......... So she got time added a few times and she is able to talk about anything else, just not those two things.

I don't know if this will prevent another just DUMB episode, but I am PROUD OF ME!!!!!!!!!!!  Yes, I got the trash to the container  lolol I can only imagine people who went by wondering why I had trash in my yard....   lolol

Bed time crying for daddy.. that's ok............I went to bed= )

So, we had "Meet and Greet" at Samarra's new school last night and i am so in love with it!  I hope I am not putting too much faith in it, but her teacher Ms. Schones is so awesome!!!!!!! I think it will be good.... Cross fingers and PRAY HARD for it.  So on the wall it should Samarra will be the teachers aid the first week, She is so excited!!!!!!!

So all went well.. we did a practice run of me dropping her off and her finding the class, and she did great!! She met some of her classmates and I so hope she makes friends.. one other little girl already said that me and her mom should talk so they can spend the night!!!!!!!!!  OMG I hope so!! I hope this interaction class she is in kicks in full force before that happens, Samarra does NOT like playing kid games and other little girls do mostly.... Samarra wants to play HER stuff which other kids don't get and then Samarra gets mad............. OK POSITIVE THOUGHTS!!!!

 Me as a kid= )

For now I will focus on ITS FRIDAY!!!!