Aspergers?? ODD... I am BACK!!!! It was like a BLOOD BATH!!! Oct. 25, 2011

Happy Tuesday again!!!

WOW!!!!!!!!! It has been since last Tuesday since I was able to write on here.......OK, this is what happened..............LIFE!!!!

UGGGG but why did so much life have to happen at one time???

Lets see if I can sum this up....Fall break......An employee had a medical issue come up with family and did not work........other employees off for Fall break.........5 doctors appt. for various things......I am sure there is more, but i lost it in the brain somewhere!

So it is still busy, but I had a moment to breath........Although it has been busy, at least everyone is well and happy= )

So I am going to focus on one subject today.. the thing that has me most aggrevated lately......I dont think Samarra can EVER be happy..... I seriously am at a loss....I dont know what to do and I need help from anyone!!!

THE MORE YOU GIVE OR DO THE MORE SHE WANTS!!!!!!!!!

Yea, ok that is normal behavior to a POINT with most kids......BUT like I say.. Samarra is "TO THE EXTREME" with everything........

So family dinner at my place on Friday night, then I let her go to her cousins to sleep over.... She did not even come back until 6:30 the next night....

NO I LOVE YOU..............NO HI.............NO I MISSED YOU...........

She walks in crying and flaring about and saying things like her life is horrible and no one ever lets her do anything and she wants to go back with her cousins.. I had to practically drag her in the door!!!!!!

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT???????? I KNOW if I had not let her go she would have complained a bit, but nothing even this close.... Well, I just ignored her and told her I loved her and missed her and that sent her into an anger rage.......throwing things........So I snapped a bit and said...........

Sorry MOM and Dad if you read this= )

I said........OH HELL NO!!!!!!! DO IT AGAIN!!!!! DO IT AGAIN.........She just looked at me and it did keep her from throwing, but she was screaming , so I basically dragged her to her room and shut the door.....OH about 10 min later it got quiet and she walked out and said completely normal Whats for dinner.. I missed you mommy....

What the???? Freakin up and down, I do not like this at all! But this always happens when she gets something........the bigger it is, the worse it gets........AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So we proceeded on with the night and she even said herself......I am so tired I don't even know how to control my brain! Like I have said a billion times.. tired and Samarra don't mix!

Ok, this is my blog and I can write what I want and I want to say with honestly............I LOVE SAMARRA!!!!!!!!!!! But when things like this happen I just wish she had not come home for a moment.= ( I don't mean I don't ever want her there, I just want so bad for a time when I get home, or she comes back home and shows some loving acknowledgement toward me or anyone really..... I know it is hard for her to having to try and sort emotions and try to show the right responses to different emotions, but DANGIT it is hard for me to!

We will get there I KNOW IT!!! But I will never make it with out God!!!!! She is already perfect to him= ) She is 7, I still have time= )

OH I missed you blog.. I needed to write.........

Here are some pics... YAY!!
Siahna was still amazed at the elephant at the zoo that squished a pumpkin and ate it..... I took a pic of it and she carries it around saying.... "Ephant skish punkin ate all gone"  AWWW  She had to have her safari hat on.. it has an elephant on the front of it  lolol

Safari Siahna

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Sunday the cousins were at my house after church till that night and I got some photos= )

Kara, Siahna, Samarra, and Elizabeth

Playing freeze tag= )

Kara

Samarra trying to pose= )

My first attempt at a picture with all of them looking at me  lol

 So................. while I went inside for drinks the girls found some RED bubbles an d decided to not blow bubbles but to shake it around so they all looked like the had chicken pox........NICE....  lol  IT LOOKED LIKE A BLOOD BATH!!!

Siahna BEFORE bubble blood bath........Looking beautiful I might add= )

The girls targeted me cause I am little!! It is not my fault= )

And if you wonder, yes, the colored bubbles are truly washable= )  WHEW!

Have a great day!

Aspergers?? ODD .....aaaahhhhhhh AIR HURTS!!! Oct. 20, 2011

Happy Thursday!!!!!!!!

My eyes open as I am laying on my right side in the bed, I know my alarm has went off one time so I better get up.........I stretch.. close my eyes and roll over and open my eyes to have a 7 year old staring at me.......... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!

I silent scream and jump .........I swear I almost hit the ceiling and at the same time hit her which sent her flying across the room......She is crying, my heart feels like I am about to have a heart attack............THIS IS NOT THE BEST WAY TO WAKE UP!!!!!!! lolololololol

AND........ Now my back hurts= ( POOR ME....... Well I have to get sympathy somewhere, why not from me??? lololol

OK calm now and can you guess what Samarra's first words were???????????? AWWW you do read my blog... lol YUP, Have you made my breakfast???? WHAT THE???? Did she just miss that I just got scared awake just now.. how the HECK could I make breakfast yet????? lololol I say.. ummm have I been out of my room yet? She says no........I say .. So how was I to make breakfast already.... She says..............

Are you ready?????????????? 

Mom can you start setting your alarm to get up at like 4 so you can make it and then you can go back to bed for a while and then it will be ready when I wake up??????????

SERIOUSLY??????????????

I said not just HECK NO... I said HECK TO THE NO! She replies with.. But I am hungry!!!!... Samarra.. can you please wait just a minute, I will get it!........She walks off like I am never going to feed her crying........

WOW...

Anyway, I did not write yesterday cause I am swamped at work and i was just out of sorts after the morning...........That was yesterday by the way... today was not quite as bad, but I do get the breakfast drama every morning..........I dont like it....the end.

Like seriously every morning i get pissed instantly the second she opens her eyes.......= ( But the important thing is.. I dont show it.. I try to stay calm and tell her I love her and try to focus on happy and distractions lolol

So I THOUGHT I was going to the dentist just to get a check on having some work done yesterday and NOOOOOOOOOOO I get there and they do some work.......OUCH!!!
So last night, all night I was so hurting........I had not planned this in my day and i am not happy camper........... I really need to let this doctor know that OCD does not factor in unexpected pain!!!!!! THE AIR HURT MY TOOTH!!!!!

So basically breathing was hurting.........Lets see live and have pain... quit breathing and die............ lololol I took bunches of pain pills instead and had nightmares from them.......I think that was the best choice lolol

Well I have another BUSY day coming so I better get these kids to moms and go to work..........

I took some cute pics of the girls awwwwww........Siahna is going to be Minnie Mouse for Halloween and mom and I tried the hat on her= ) CUTE CUTE......Also Samarra got her hair DID again.....WHEW pretty soon I am going to have to get a person who does hair... Seriously when I do her hair, parts of it I am standing two feet away from her!!!!!!!!!

What is this crap on my head???

I guess I like this on my head now= )

AWWWW Sisterly love.........What the?? what is wrong with Samarra's eyes??

Some more sisterly love.lolol.. Siahna.. Are we done with the love yet??

HAIR DID

 

 

 

Why do I have jingle bells in my head???
Have an awesome day!!!!!!!

Aspergers?? ODD... I am missing something!!! Oct. 18, 2011

Happy Tuesday!!!

Ok, I know I am a strange one.........I have known this since I was a child and now you will know a bit more. lololol

So why is it....A fly is in my house I have NO issues killing it, but I feel guilty and sad when a fly gets in my car and it flies out of my car once I get to my destination?? I feel all bad that it probably feels lost..= ( So I have had a fly friend in the car or about two days and it flew out this morning........I tried to kill him the whole time in the car.. and now it flew out i feel bad.........That is just goofy! lololol

One of these days I will NOT get all excited thinking Samarra will run up and say "HI MOMMY" when I get home, cause i get kinda sad every day when all I get is her running up and saying "What's for dinner? Is it ready?" I don't know why I expect it to change.. but I guess I hope= ) Siahna runs up with her baby voice and says mommia and hugs me..........AAAAAWWWWWWW I guess one is better than none= )

Overall the night was pretty good.. Samarra has discovered NetFlix on the Wii and is playing Wii sports the last few days.. It wont last, but for now it is ok= )

I actually sit down to play with her and of course she beats me,I think it is because I have a baby crawling on me lol Samarra also decided yesterday that she will do the "STAR system" this week and so everything she did last night was only to get a star lol but hey.. she did something lolol

So I guess it is a good thing to get her to do more..........but the concept behind it is a lost cause.......I asked her to do something last night and she says... I guess I dont need a star right now............LOLOLOL
She says the star system she will play along with cause she knows it makes me feel like I am in control..........SIGH.............lolololololol  How do you get past that Mr./Mrs/ therapist. Maybe it should not, but THAT CRACKS ME UP!!!  

Ok, so I have to tell you..... Since last Thursday morning I have had this really strong feeling of missing something and sometimes it is very powerful to the point it becomes a bit emotional .. not to the point of crying or anything.. just a feeling.....I FIGURED IT OUT!! Last Wed. afternoon I had my last appt to check to make sure I am healing from surgery and after that it hit me......... I was told before hand that MOST woman experience some depression after they have a hysterectomy and I was like NOT ME!!! Well guess what??? that is the feeling of "missing" I am having.... NO way am I depressed and wont.. but it makes sense now.... So Now I know.. time for it to stop! I was seriously getting upset it wouldn't go away and wondered what I was forgetting or what... WHEW mystery solved.. yay!!!= )

So Siahna got into the wipes last night and I am pretty sure with in less than 2 minutes they had over 50 wipes all over the living room and were trying to cover there bodies to be mummies... lolol and they had this light up microphone holding it to their faces to look scary... Samarra did not get the scary look down, but Siahna nailed it..... creapy!!!


Here are a couple pics from last night= )

Have an AWESOME DAY!!!

Aspergers?? ODD.... ZOO time with PICS PICS!! !! OH, and I am sooo glad your child is perfect....... Oct. 17, 2011

Yes..........It is Monday..............How I miss Friday............ But I am ready.. Bring it on!  lolol

Ever feel like there is a suction that starts pulling you back to Monday morning from the time you step foot in your house on Friday after work??? Well this weekend i didn't hold on too well.. I got WARPED! BLAH But the part I did get to have was pretty fun= )


I took pictures too!!! Yay Mommia, Yay Mommia!!!

So Friday started out with how much Samarra hates me cause I shattered her dreams of having a nice long relaxing dinner for ME out at Chili's.......... LOLOLOL I am so glad she planned this time off for me to pay for her and the baby to go out.... lol She tried.........to get her way anyway lolol So this went into a full breakdown..........poor thing, you could see her eyes even puffy from being tired.. She does NOT function well tired... Another one of those situations where she tries to use her smarts to get her way........... Cant I just get some love please lol

Saturday got up with full intentions of going to the zoo.. but DID NOT tell Samarra, cause I knew she would tune into an African bush woman with the full on tribal dance look for hours from the time she woke up and bugged me to the point of me not going... lolol So I just did what I needed to do and right before we left I told her and yes, IT HAPPENED........I so wish i could get pictures of this.... WEIRD.......She can not control her emotions like others and no matter the emotion it is to the most extreme level! Guess it is better than when she gets angry..............BUT then sometimes her excitement gets rough and has hurt me and the baby before , so I still have to be careful...

So we went and I got some awesome pictures= )

So during the whole trip at the zoo, Samarra is focused on Samarra.. cause she is the only one that exists in her world and She honestly does not even know how to care about others.. seems she always has an agenda.......So although she had a good time.. She was very persistent in trying to get her way all day...........REMEMBER with Samarra, the more you do.. the more she wants and she will never be satisfied.

I get so angry at times, but I controlled it MOSTLY.. one time I SWEAR I almost popped her in the mouth.... OK all you DHS wanna be callers.. don't freak on me..... I don't mean HIT her.. I mean POP her...........Anyway.. so at the zoo.. .. Snow cones, candy, animals, drinks, rides, ALL the rides, and we are about to leave and Samarra says.. That's it?? I want something from the gift shop again.... I said no, we alredy did.... An elephant.. sarcastic yay.... baby thing.....Samarra you wanted it.. She says AND? I am like girl you better stop........... She says and this is where I wanted to pop her.... I dont ever get nothing......... everyone else gets to do things I dont......The zoo.. wow... thanks........

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I turned blood red and the heavens split open with a big bolt of lightning shooting out my eyes..............And right then GOD put his hand between me and my child and held my hand down to my side and said NO_NO.... lololol

I would like to say this is the first time this has happened.. but it happens all the time and the bigger the surprise is, the worse it is......I think cause in her mind she builds it up to be somethign out of this world and then she sees it is not........Kind of like she hates ALL toys cause they do NOT do what it looks like on the commercials.........She isnt dumb.... BUT she has to learn to be grateful and I dont know how to instill this.. I have tried telling her of unfortunate families and she laughs.... SIGH= (

ANYWAY..........it was a fun weekend to me and despite Samarra and her words.. she had fun too.. Siahna LOVED the zoo!!!

Cute story about Samarra.. I don't mean to come on here and bad mouth Samarra... I hope you don't read it that way.. just situations we go through.. and hopefully maybe someone reading knows .. YOUR NOT ALONE!!! I am insane too, I loose it too and it is ok= )

So I buy a Pumkin pie at the store on Sunday and Samarra sees it and says.... MMMMM I cant wait to harvest that!.... lololol

Well of course more happened on my weekend.. cry, break things, throw things, screaming, rocking, and it still was a great weekend! YAY

Here are the pics of this weekend in no order= ) My babies are so beautiful.. Wait am I one of those mothers with unattractive kids and show them off too much??????????  NAH.. no way.. They are super cute!  = )  How could they not be.. ummmmm  look at me and my momma, we are smokin= )  lolololol


OHHHHHHH and to anyone who might run across this blog and was out at the zoo when Samarra was on the Leapin Lizard and commented on how funny she looked for not bending her her waist or  legs and jumping...And how she looked not normal............................DUMB BUTT's she cant!!!!! Your lucky I did not hurt you........  Can she bend her legs... yes..... has she been to therapy to help her... yes......... when she is anxious and nervous do you think she thinks of bending her legs... NO............ I am so glad your child is perfect...= ) Ok now I am happy again= )

My friend told me I should have said something .. to make them understand...........But why should I............People shouldn't bad mouth anyone... Do you really think God made a mistake with Samarra????? NO!!!!!!!!!!! OK, I have got to stop.. I could go OFF in a 100 page post if I dont...

YES, I realize she looks a bit stiff here, but she was having a blast......

I'm a big girl now.......almost= )

AWWWWWWWWWWWW

Mommie and baby= )

Did you know they have a show??  it was cool.. no circus stuff, just normal every day stuff making sure they are healthy... I am not a big fan of circus shows with animals= )

Aw she laid down for them to check something on his head.. ears maybe?

I love the elephants and so did Siahna!

Was a very nice area for the elephants.. I really think they looked happy which I was glad to see.. the old area was NOTHING compared to this... Beautiful job!

Picking up foot to get underside checked.

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Awesome tunnel with sculpted elephants on the wall... very cool.. My beauties= )

Sisterly love.. I think it was for real this time  lol

She is so beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!!!

UMMM  I do NOT know about this....

Samarra loved the Leapin Lizard

Honey Bunnies= )   AWWWW

Have a GREAT Monday!!!!!!