Aspergers? ODD... OHHHHHHHH the PAIN!!! Sept. 16, 2011

Happy Friday!!

Is it any one else's Friday and willing to give me their check so it can be mine again?? Anyone?? NO? ok= ( I see how all my friends are... I am in pain and your check could mean the difference in my pain level.............lololol

So YEA.....I did not write yesterday.. thanks to all who checked on me to see if I was dead= )

So it was a pretty good nights sleep and I heard the alarm.. YAY I didn't wake from a dream having to use the bathroom.. lol So i turn alarm off and I open my eyes and......................

 I DID IT!!! ...................I SWALLOWED..........

 And it is at this moment I realized that sometime in the night that little bacteria men had their knives out stabbing my throat...........DANG THOSE BACTERIA!!!!!

Like I went strait to the kitchen and took pain meds!!!!! took a shower and got hot coffee............WHEW I felt good enough to go to work.... OH wait we have a therapy appt...

OK CONFESSION TIME!!!!!!!!

Yes my life is a living nightmare at times........BUT WHY DO I THINK SO MANY OF THE THINGS SAMARRA DOES IS FUNNY!!!!!! I think I may be demented a bit........Or maybe it is because I HATE people who lie or because I hate when people put up a face and are just meanies really....... I like REAL people and that is one thing I CAN say about her, she is real and she will let you know how it is!!!!!!!!!

I cant blame her, she kind of gets that from my genes....I will and do say what I think.. I just have censors it to avoid people being hurt. My sub-human reminded me of this yesterday.. SO should I try to get her to stop? or teach her censoring??? HHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I will tell a complete stranger they have a bugger if I need to, or their crack is out............I cant believe others would just walk by and say nothing........ lololol

So we are off to therapy............Do do do do do......Samarra doesn't want to go, but we are.. I already spoke to the therapist about us meeting first so she will get to play with toys.. but I don't want to tell her in case it changes.

So we get to therapist and Samarra is ALL ON SHOW today.. she has been enough that she is starting to want to make changes to suit her. The therapist after Samarra says I wish someone we know would get real bad hurt and have to stay in hospital for a long time.......The therapist looks shocked a bit.. I actually am quite calm and almost don't even hear it lolol She says why would you want that.. Samarra rolls her eyes at the doctor and says.............


UM SO I CAN GO EAT IN THE CAFETERIA hello...........or even better make it me, so i get the food and all the attention.. yea make it me.....

She also made the statement to her that she is not as intelligent as Dr. Poyner.. OOPS.... She didn't get upset, at least she didn't show it.. don't look at me.. that is why I am there for help... lol

So in OUR discussion she makes a statement.. I have NEVER seen a child like her before...She just blows me away with the things she says............I just said.. you get used to it= ) lololol But no she said she is going to consult with other doctors to see what successes they have had......

SSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I told you she was a mess!!!!!!!!! Even the doctor needs a doctor now lololol

So we have a goal this week......Samarra is to play with her sister for 20 minutes a day what the baby wants to do with out falling apart and no coming to mom............LOLOLOL Sounds awesome doesn't it.. I will let ya know how that goes.... hahaha

So day goes on and throat is hurting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse.. ok do you get the point??????? SO in fear I am infecting the planet I go to the clinic........


THE MOST AMAZING THING HAPPENED!!!!!!!!!!

Left work at 2:30
Checked in at doctor at 2:50
Saw Doctor at 2:58
Checked for strep and blood for infection
No strep infection.. Sinus that is.. bad...
Get prescriptions and go to pharmacy
Get medication , take them in parking lot
Go next door, pic up pizza.
Drive home
Pull in driveway.................And here it is!!!!!!!!!! I get home at 3:50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is like a miracle!!!!!!!!!! Like if I prayed I don't think I could have moved faster unless God gave me bionic ability for a moment... lololol That was a GOD and sci-fi moment.

So ok, lets back up...........I get to work and find out the company is sold...OMG........ ok whatever............then a water main break.. cant use the toilets or faucets...........OMG NO COFFEE????????? whew good thing i stalked up before this............  WHY IS IT.. The second I find out I cant go to the restroom, i am in pain from needing to go, but a second earlier i was fine...........DUMB BRAIN!

Lets see.. I had to learn some SQL stuff...to pick up another job of someone moving to the New York Times.............. and then not feeling well...........

So ALL of this was simply to explain I was too busy to write!!!!!!!!!!

See it is WRONG that in my mind I worry how the weekend will go..........I have figured it out... Let asperger kids and ODD just do whatever they want and happiness is for sure........Get them to do what they SHOULD be doing... NO BUENO= ( So it is sometimes a hard decision for me on what to do........But as her parent it is my responsibility to help her learn even if she fights it.....The doctor said it is going to get 100% worse before it gets better when i really go full into it...........SIGH.........when will that be??

Woke up today and throat feels better, head hurts worse= ( BLAH BLAH But TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH taking Samarra to Lion King 3D this weekend.......Yes duh of course I am bringing the headset and realize we may have to leave... but got to try= ) I haven't told her yet.. good thinking on my part= )

Sorry Oldies but goodies= )

I hope you have an awesome day and weekend!!!!!!!

Aspergers?? ODD... My normal is your nightmare! Sept. 14, 2011

HELLO World!!

I feel like i am in another realm of existence today.............WEIRD!! This weather is making me feel like a different person.. and I think happier!!!!!!!  So the question is....Did I transfer to another dimension or am I in the same one and it is getting better???  All I have to say is .............if i did tele-port to another dimension.. I am pissed cause I would think at leas tone of them I am RICH!!!  OK, I watch WAY TOO MUCH Sci-Fi TV!!!!!  lolol 

 Why do I not think of cooking and shopping and dinner parties and stuff like other moms do.. at least I think they do.. Why am I so weird  lol Maybe everyone does it... I just DONT CARED AT ALL if people know I am weird.. take me or leave me...........preferably leave if you only want something from me  lolol  That is too much stress!!  LOLOLOLOLOL


I AM SOOOOOO MAD!!!!!!!!!   So for the last two nights i have been dreaming about great things.. the first I won 10,000 at a casino, but in my dream I needed to go to ladies room.. I kept looking and couldn't find it!! To the point of me hurting and I woke up.. guess what.. I had to go to the restroom.... dang-it  and I hadn't even cashed in my ticket yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Second one I was eating a yummy meal in Florida and I had to once again visit the ladies room.... I couldn't find it.. woke up and YUP had to use the restroom.......... I didn't even get to finish my meal and go to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am NOT happy about this at all............ So no more liquids for me before bed!!!!!!!!!!!  lolololol  I am like a kid or something. lolol

So I don't know if it is the weather making me happier or what but last night i was just going along easy peasy fabreezy......nothing seemed to bother me..........OH yea we had a meltdown over the fact that I don't cook like mimi does and she was NOT going to eat the food cause it was not right.. and she ALWAYS has her eggs cooked a certain way and that is not it, so she is not eating it........... OK fine, I ate them lol and they were great if i may say so..lolol  I am mean and wasn't really caring at the moment...lolol.....And the fact I wouldn't go get Mimi, who is sick by the way, to make her her eggs was not acceptable........I am like get over it..........She is screeching into her pillow kicking......Nope didn't bother me..........lol I will have a good night and not walk on egg shells!!!! I actually sit at work during the day thinking how the night will be.. that sucks!

Then lets see, apparently she is tired of living in a world of ignorance.......Ya know what.........I told her, you may have the smarts girl but you will never be truly smart until you have lived real life.. and I have done a lot more of that than you.....YEA ok, it made me feel good, but she had no clue. lol She says. that does not make sense mom. OH YEA it is a literal thought or something she can touch.. my bad...

The teacher says the clapping and screeching is happening at school as well. I wonder what it is?? Probably 20 times last night she did one or the other.......IT CAN STOP NOW.........Ok, so you know I would never hit my daughter, but I PROMISE when she does it, it goes strait to the mad, anger part of my brain and makes me want to react with violence!!!!! She could be the next military weapon to control fighters... lolol OOPS a little sci-fi coming out again lolol

Funny the teacher told me yesterday that sometimes Samarra makes a lesson plan in before care at school and gives it to her when she gets in class...The teacher says she has to thank Samarra for helping but for her to remember SHE is the teacher not Samarra... lolol Taking over the world lololol I told the teacher, yes she likes to be in control.. Teacher says.. YES SHE DOES!!!  Thats my little leader.. just dont try and lead me... !!

So my last thought for now... Siahna has these baby videos that she watches and I am not sure but I think they may have subliminal messages in them!!!!!!!! Remember back in the 80's and 90's when people were scared of subliminal messages lololol OK, anyway.. I am telling you these things are either a God-send or well the other.. lol She watches these things over and over and never tires of it.. She will sit and stare.. go to kitchen and be looking back.. stand in front of it.. It is like no matter where she goes her eyes are on the TV watching this DVD of babies.... I took pics last night to show you .. she doesn't even acknowledge me taking the photo lololol

Here are some pics from yesterday= )

Baby video ... GOOD or BAD????

 

 

Watching babies

Watching babies

Watching babies...

 

Me for no reason= )

Samarra after her saying "WHAT?" I didn't do anything= )

I didn't do anything either!

Have a GREAT DAY!!!

Aspergers??ODD....STOP CLAPPING!!!!!!!! OMG I am going to go insane! Sept. 13, 2011

Happy Happy Tuesday........

HUM... strange, i have no children songs in my head at the moment... YAY!!!  I was singing one in the shower this morning, but cant remember which one.. I might be child song free today.. WHOOP WHOOP.. I need to put some music on quick!

So as most people who know me, knows I think of a lot of things at the same time and I cant explain how they get there and why some are so weird.........But I am sitting doing makeup this morning and it hit me.. What is the purpose of moths, so I go to the internet So here is what I found out.

They are essential to pollination..........UM not at my house they all go to the light and die on my front porch or dive bomb me when I try to walk out of my house........And i definitely do NOT have beautiful flowers around my house or wonderful fruit trees.........The moths are slacking and i am going to get a bug zapper!  lol Seriously I hate doing like my aerobic exercises every time I walk out my front door in the morning just to get off the porch!!!!!! lololol 

And I did watch Godzilla vs. Mothra this weekend.. LOVE IT...  Yes, I love the cheesy movies.. always have.. always will= ) 

OK sorry had to share..............And I wonder why Samarra is so scatter brained... lol

Hey guess what!!! Remember I haven't spoken of death and dying with Samarra in a while..........ITS BACK!!!!!!! I am so lucky......I got to have a wonderful conversation with Samarra last night about people donating their body to science.. not so bad.. it is just the ways people could die......it didnt get grose, but it is just annoying...And it freaks me out cause she shouldnt be thinking about it!!!!!!!!!!

DANGIT BE A KID PLEASE

AND QUIT clapping!!!!!!!!!!! Samarra has started this thing not a tick, but kind of like a tick in that she randomly claps 3 times...........IT IS LOUD and ear defining.. I don't know how it is so loud but it is.. enough to make the baby cry at times.......... This has went on for about 4 days now, but only last night did I realize it is for no reason....I cant tell you how many times I have threatened her with her life if she did it again.. And of course she does and is still alive..

GREAT...Now I am not following through lololol

What the heck though seriously..........The additions of crazy stuff has got to stop.. I just see her in my head.. jumping up and down like an African bush lady clapping and screaming her high pitched scream.. and stopping to count....... TELL ME THAT'S NOT A CREEPY THOUGHT!

I am not sure I even mentioned the other thing with in the last week is this high pitched shrill for no reason which i think if held for more than a few seconds could possibly bring the house down!!!!! UGGG

I think I need a headset! OHHHHHHHH speaking of me.. lol I have a massage set up for next Monday. They come to my job so I don't have to leave work even.....I am so anxious. I may cry when they leave.........hahahaha

Well we made it through another night, no one dead...... Samarra did put almost put her hand on her sisters face last night then freaked out cause she thought I was going to send her to jail.........If you didn't read that blog.. her therapist told Samarra in a very stern tone that if she heard of Samarra trying to hurt her sister again , she was legally bound to report her to the police. Samarra took it seriously...

I DON'T PLAY........I tell her strait up.. I love you so much and I wish you could understand that, but you hurt your sister or anyone and I will report you myself! I tell.

Anyway.. I need to get finished and go to work... you know money and all....lol

I will leave you with this thought Samarra asked me..... Samarra only sees black and white...There is no room for jokes, everything is literal to her and their is no way a fairy tale is real because it does not fit in black and white explanations.... So knowing that.. Samarra says........So you know I have been thinking and how do you know this GOD Jesus really exists.........There is no logical explanation for him.........

NICE...........Tell me.. how do I explain that one....

Here are my babies last night= ) Nothing exciting, but my babies= )

Have an AWESOME DAY!!

And may the "FORCE" be with you! I have NO CLUE why I thought that lolol

Apergers? ODD!! MOMMA had panic moment! Sept. 12, 2011

GOOD Morning Oklahoma and beyond!!!!!!  

OK, so I have buzz light-year in my head if you cant tell..lolol I don't know why....Tis not for me to question why.. just go with the flow.... haha

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO I had a panic moment this weekend... not a scary one.......SOOO who knows the story of Abraham in the Bible??? WELL my mother has always and will always read her Bible every morning with a cup-o-joe...........Well when the girls are there it is a quite time for them and they respect moms time to read aloud so Jana can hear as well............SOOOOOOOOOO School was out last Tuesday for Samarra and she stayed with mom.......Mom read the bible about Abraham.......Samarra hears everything and remembers.....

OK.........HERE IT COMES........... I am doing Samarra's hair which looks awesome I might add... See......

OK, back to story..........I am doing Samarra's hair which take minimum of two hours.........Well in this time we sing.........yell..........fight...........talk..........You know all that mother daughter bond stuff.....She decides to talk about Abraham......... I am just listening and she says God talked to Abraham and Abraham fell down before the Lord because he is holy.....

And then it happened!!!

Samarra: Mom... What is circumcision mean...
Me: OMG. OMG. What do I say........
Me: Well honey what that is.........See it was a long time ago..........Um well.......that is a question for Daddy!!!!!!! DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dad:What?
Me: Samarra has a question for you.
Samarra: Daddy are you circumcised and what is it?
Me: I turn around and look at him and stick my tough out.... REAL mature I know lolol but I was crackin up!
Daddy: Well...........That is an old Jewish custom between God and little baby boys, which is very private just between them..

Me: I am thinking...DANG he did that good!!!!!!

Samarra: Are you daddy?
Daddy: Yes, but it is not something we talk about , God wants it to be between only him and the boy...ok?
Samarra: ok.

We get her hair done and go to Mimi's and first thing she says is.. Mimi... Daddy is circumsised!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to call the school tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!

So I get up... call the school and speak to her teacher... We are ROLLIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She had planned for the daily lesson today.. Abraham!!!!!!!!!!!! She said she was going to save that lesson for a while.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

WHEW!! Thank goodness I called!

OK, so about the weekend..........I got to go to a movie!!!!!!!!!!! OMGosh!!

Samarra was not very happy about this at all........This weekend was rough a bit......We had at least three meltdowns where she flared about and turned into a small banshee looking child......I had a headache by 1pm on Saturday.. I was not happy about.. But guess what just getting away for a bit made it go away..........PROVES... I need time for me!

Anyway.. she is on a mission to have Siahna kill herself.. This over smart child of mine KNOWS she cant hurt her sister, but she can tell the baby what to do to get injured...........I HAVE HAD IT............See now here is where the doctor is going to have to calm me down.. cause I love both my girls.. but the good old fashion me tells me to beat her...(OK all you new wave life people.. I don't really mean beat, spank) I am at a loss here.....her SORRIES mean nothing to me at all......

She says it 1000 times a day.......She is getting attention......We played I spy the board game, fish, Strawberry Shortcake, Hungry Hippos, watched Family Game Night, I brought the slide in the house for them....We went to the park, McDonald's..........I KNOW THERE IS MORE!!!!

So NO ONE can tell me she is not getting attention..I don't have enough for her, I never will and she just does things constantly it seems!!!!!!! SIGH.......

She seems to go in her own worlds sometimes where she is quiet and she actually will go off by herself........I think this is her mind regenerating.........I feel so guilty in saying this........I like it when she does this..........SOOOOOOOOOOO many parents work to bring their children out of this state and to interact like Samarra........BUT there are extremes for both.......I am not different than them, we ALL want to just be in the middle.

OK well I survived a hard but good weekend......I don't feel special.. People tell me I am and that I am amazing.. at least those who know Samarra..............BUT see.. I am no different than any mom or dad who has to deal with special needs........WE JUST DO IT!..(Well most do)........REMEMBER, I prayed when I was like 5 years old for God to give me a child whith special needs instead of giving them to someone else so the child wouldnt get hurt...........SAMARRA IS A MIRICLE!!!!!!....

I have to focus on the baby not getting hurt. She has a big bruise on her back from being bitten BTW.... I tried to take a pic, but we ended up running in circles lolol I am not perfect, I can only do so much.. So I will leave the rest of it to God and the prayer chain= )

Here are some photos of the park trip, ENJOY!

Have an AWESOME MONDAY!