Diary of an Asperger's Mom: November 2012

And it happened again..........

It's Friday!!!

OMG OMGosh!!!! Ten more days till surgery.... Why when I am this old am I startin to freak out!!!!!!! Like I am thinking of all kinds of stupid things and worrying about stupid things.. So I am sitting .......Yes,m i actually sat down lolol And i was like omgosh i so need to get some Funions for when I am home........REALLY??? CHIPS, I am worried about chips?? I don't even like those that well.......And I will have ew breath! lolol Weird.....

OK, so we had a fun week.... Festival at park last Sat. festival at Samarra's school on Wed.night, which was way cool i might add...... However I kept having to laugh cause they were calling it a Ho-Down. You know a western theme!!! LOLOL Well ok maybe my mind is in the gutter, but every time the guy on the microphone would say that word I thought of HOE Down.... lol Made me think of a joke I heard.. lololol I know in a Christian School thinkin that.... For shame! But no one dropped to the floor... Bwhaaaaaaaa haaaaaaaa!!! Ok, i am sure I am the only one laughing so moving on.............lol

Why is this blog so much about me today.. I guess my thoughts are on me.. = ) So at the park........WHEW!

Let me tell you...........I had it out with Samarra, i was soooooooooo lets say mad/upset/hurt..........Maybe all of them..........I have told you before, with Samarra you don't give, you don't go out, you just try to be as boring as possible life goes well..........

BUT

If you give to her, take her, or do something special ALWAYS ALWAYS it ends bad!!! GRRRR

WWWWHHHHHHYYYYYYYYY??????????

OK so let me just do a quick run down for you.

Trick or treating
Bought tickets for games and rides
Played all games
Did all the jumpy things and slides and tunnel
Played games again
Went and bought more tickets
Got food: Hamburgers, hotdogs, soda, cotton candy, popcorn, another hot dog.
Bought more tickets
Got balloons, which she was freaking out on, i had to ask the guy to make the balloons smaller for her, the big ones she cant do...........She has a major anxiety thing about them.

OK so we had fun!! She had fun.................On the way to the car......I want to carry the balloons to the car..   Me: Honey let me get them to the car then I will let you have them in the car and you can take them in the house.......Seems like a good thing to say so we don't loose the balloons right?????

Samarra: I HATE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You never let me do anything.................YOU DON'T TRUST ME!!!!!!!! YOU DON'T TRUST ME........YOU DON'T TRUST ME!!!!!!!!!! ALL I want to do is stay here and you wont let me?????
Me: confused look.. wait.. balloons.... trust.... stay at festival? What are we talking about...

Keep in mind this is very LOUD!!!!!!

I don't like you, you never do anything I want!!!...........Now, if you know me well enough i may teeter on the side of over-indulging my kids which i try to be careful of as not to spoil them rotten.. but this is not an ungrateful reaction....

I actually did not get embarrassed at all.. I would LOVE LOVE for someone to say something to me right now... cause the angels in heaven (Heavenly sound.. lol) Help me with dealing with Samarra, but i think they would give me free will on anyone else..........I don't give a crap what anyone thinks, I got to the car, gave her the balloons and she kept up for just a minute and I then said sooooooo you don't like me huh?? She says.. What?? Yes, I like you....... AGAIN..Me confused.. did what just happened happen?????????? Or did I possibly just have a alternate ending experience and I am the only one who remembers the one i had???????   (ok, too much SYFY!!!)

So I ask......Why is it when we go places when we go to leave you all of a sudden don't like me... So I guess we should not go anywhere anymore is that how you think we should do this? Because you know that hurts my feelings and makes me not want to go places when you say you hate me..................OK, now she is BAWLING and crying.. I DO LOVE YOU I DO LOVE YOU.................I just wanted to stay......................So telling me those things , you think will allow you to stay?????????????

She then says..........Do you still love me? (She asks me this so much, i have no idea why)

So then i went into my Yes, baby.. I will always love you no matter what you ever do or say.. nothing in this whole world would ever make me not love you................I don't like your actions sometimes, but I always love you! And then i decided to let it go.. she was happy as a clam, no sign of every having any issue at all...........

That will teach me to take the kids fun places lololol But on the inside, got to tell ya.............I was madder than heck!!!!!!!!

The second festival was awesome at her school.... we did not have issues that night, she was so tired she was passing out everywhere......But after being out and seeing masks and such.. when we got home she went to her bed and until it was time to go to bed she just sat there and rocked and talked to herself explaining there are no monsters because that was just kids in masks and then she started repeating

Monsters aren't real monsters aren't real... over and over.............I just let her.. What was I suppose to do????????? She knows they aren't real........

What I am about to say is NOT funny at all, but I wanted to kinda.. BAD MOMMY.........I thought..........OMGosh she would freak the heck out if i jumped out and scared the tar out of her...........lolololol NOOOOOOOO I did not do it!!!!! But i wanted to!!!!!

Anyway this week was i think a bit too much excitement for her, she has been zombie like all week, fallin asleep at school too her teacher said... Maybe next week will be back to normal...I would say it was pretty good.. I have a new goal for next week..............I AM going to get Samarra to quit throwing her food on the floor when she is done eating..........doesn't matter what it is.........when she is done, it goes on the floor........VERY stressful for an OCD person and to be honest, my inside explodes like a nuclear bomb went off and i want to yell so bad!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ............see why i never sit down!!!!!!!!!!!! lolol

Her answer when i ask why... Because I was done............NICE............Oh and it is so wonderful that Samarra can teach Siahna such wonderful things too you know lolol Now I have two of them.. Siahna only sometimes though...

Oh and the she will dress herself thing... yea i sent her to school lookin a hot mess..... It took everything in my entire being to not dress her right!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But I did not.................YAY ME!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway I am out of here for this week.. lots of pictures!!!!!