Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Aspergers...ODD...What intelligence do you add to this family?? Ummm....April 20, 2012

It's FRIDAY!!!!!!!!!!

So this is the funniest conversation I have had in a long time!!!!!

I was talking to my sub-human on Friday about the weather and we were discussing our plans in case of a tornado... We watch out for each other like that... AWWWWW SO, I ask her are you ready and she says..................Yes I got the tarp down on the basement floor and I have my duct tape, knife, trash bags and candles.    I started cracking up and asked her WHAT kind of kit is that the Serial killer kit?????   lololol

The serial killer kit: Perfect for duct taping everyone up an d knife for cutting them in little pieces, trash bags to put it is and candles to create the pentagon sign on the floor and the tarp for an easy clean up... LOLOLOLOL  I asked her if she got the shovel jus tin case...............OMGosh I was dying.....  She was tooo... I said........... how bout some water, food, maybe something to go poty in if needed?????????  She said... Well, I had not thought of that  lolol Gotta love the way her brain thinks.. lol  I love you Jalaine! 

Well this week of course was up and down as usual. I would give it a C maybe if i had to choose..... As anyone reading should know, Samarra gets overly excited with anything.......Of course at home I got to witness the..................

(When you read this next part try and read it with an English accent, lol it makes it sound more cool). lolol

RARE African native dance only seen by very few where somehow the whole body can be mid-air and the strange sounds and faces to go with just blend it all together to make the most freaky look I ever saw !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

lololol  And of course the grabbing and jumping and flailing about all over and the ear piercing screams and the clapping.. OMG the clapping..........I PROMISE her hands are not just skin, somehow when she claps it lets off this ear piecing screech of some kind that is so painful!!!!!!!!!  Have i mentioned that she has a habit or something of this and does this EVERYDAY for NO REASON!!!!!!!!!!!!   Like i hear it and instant reaction....................  

OK back to story  lolol...Well, there was a field trip to be on Thursday, so she got in trouble at school on Tuesday and Wednesday = (  I think i mentioned at one point Samarra gets the special desk next to the teacher, so the teacher can help her stay on track... HMMMMMMM Seems to me I remember a certain little niece of mine RACHEL.. lol Who had the same seat as Samarra did when she was in second grade!!!!!!!!!  I love you sweetie!!!

OK, anyway, Samarra had improved so much that the teacher tried moving her father away and allowing her to do it herself................Yea.. her desk is back next to the teacher  lolol Funny thing is, Just like Rachel did, Samarra thinks of this as a privilege!!  lolol  I do have to say though that this teacher at Harvest Life does VERY well with Samarra and does NOT allow her to go off on tangents and keeps her focused and challenged. Which is great, she also knows her so well that she picks up on things before they even happen... AWESOME teacher... Do private school teachers get Teacher of the Year??? 

Of course Samarra had to get in trouble at home as well as reinforcement of good behavior......She got grounded from the TV and iPod........OH NO!!!!!!!!! I have to say though, I believe it has helped my house be more quiet except ONE THING............This breaks Samarra's morning routine.... Wake up at 5:55, turn on morning show, eat food, get dressed...etc..

Well no TV, so I cant get her to eat......I keep saying......Samarra eat!!!!!!!!!!  She says.. I cant, I always watch the morning show and eat my breakfast and I cant watch it, so I cant eat.. Just save it till next Friday when I am not grounded anymore........LOLOLOL  So I think she is loosing weight this week I am not going to fight it.

I have to say one thing though.. her not watching TV and not playing with iPod has caused her focus to be off.....Weird enough, I think the TV helps her learn to focus more, even if it is for like 5 min... She never can sit still or stay focused on a show that long, but she usually quick gets up and checks on everyone in the house and manages to destroy a few things on the way and then goes and sits back down...... I have to say the time she is focused on the TV are like heaven...

I KNOW I KNOW  BAD MOMMY!!!!!! But I seriously cant seem to get anything done with her not focused on something..........Wed. nit she goes to a class for 2 hours...........I am like speedy gonmomma.. I have the whole house lookin good by the time she comes back through the door and in 5 min it is ripped apart............I have to do something about that..

I think I am going to make a chart for routine purposes of what she is to do when she walks in the door.. let ya know how it goes= ) 

And the other BIG thing is........She has had some more anger issues this week, I think it is from being frustrated cause the days are off to her now.... I must mention loosing the TV was only her loosing 2 hours probably total a day including the morning, so she does not just sit in front of it!!! But anyway, she has had anger issues where she is not mad at me or anyone, she beats herself up...... causing bodily harm to herself for getting herself in this mess... So that was a bit different for me to deal with.. All i could do is tell her about when i made mistakes as a kid and what happened to me and that it is normal and that it is no big deal just take it and try to remember next time to make the right decision.........  I have to admit i get scared sometimes on how she is going to deal with things when I am not around...........GGGGGRRRRRRRR

OK this post is way too long!!!!!

Last thing.... I got kind of video happy this time so more videos then photos.....= )

I did manage to video tape a "normal" conversation that Samarra has with me, but I only could video for a minute, so it got cut off, but you will see in the video how she speaks a lot and how the focus is all over.. I repeat her questions so you can hear.... Oh and one of Siahna has an air plane in the back ground, sorry= )

 Click the following links........

1.Samarra asking me questions video...

2. Siahna took pants off again Part 1 

    Siahna took her pants off Part 2 

3. Siahna singing again 

ARRRRGGGG................ But it is suppose to be from the Land run times  lol

WHAT??? Ain't you seen a DIVA on a slide before??? lol

NO, I didn't take my pants off again.......... I cant keep them on her!!!! lolol   

Ever notice my eyes look different sizes??? lolol  WEIRD

 Have a GREAT WEEK!!!


Friday, April 13, 2012

Aspergers...ODD.... Up/Down.. Up/Down...All around.. HUH? April 13, 2012


Beautiful...........NUFF SAID!

  Ok, so I did not make it here on Wednesday like I thought I might........ And I really wished i had cause I know FOR SURE there was something really important I was going to write and my old BUTT forgot what it was........ I seriously am loosing brain cells somehow and I cant figure it out!!!!!!!!

Maybe from my ear.. my OCD self also cleans my ears too much from what I am told and my right ear is all cut open and HURTING!!!!!!! and i feel it draining........EWWWWWWWW first of all..... OUCH  second of all.. But my wonderful momma and her "voo doo" that she do............. lol  NOT REALLY!!!  Gave me some all natural ear drops.. that BURNED like the dickens when i first put it is, but then i realized that pain felt better than it itching!!!!!!!  But the next day my ear started feeling better and i think will be healed soon.. I also haven't touched it much....

Here are a couple videos from our Easter egg hunts........  Please excuse my voice I forget I am right next to the camera!!!!!!!!   lol

This first one is so awesome for me being OCD to watch.. You are going to see my two year old open one egg at a time and put candy in one spot and put egg back together and then put the egg in its own pile....  Such organization!!!!!!!!!!!  LOVE IT!!!!We were at Nanna's with the cousins too.

This next video is of both of them at Mimi's hunting eggs with a couple her cousins

So this week we have picked back up some progress we have made.. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BUT, I tell you it is one step forward and two back sometimes!!!!!!!!!

AND YES.............Right up front I will admit it............ FINE... I slacked of when I shouldn't have...........NO, I do not need anyone to tell me I am making it worse or that I am just making it harder for her in the long run.......


I am telling you this UP/Down  Up/Down stuff is about to drive me insane to the point where I just stand there looking as if i have turned zombie but don't want to eat brains yet and stare.........Samarra said to me one time..........  WHAT?????...Can your brain not compute how to make dinner......

Now see I have a choice right at that very moment...............

- Reach over and slap her silly (cause that is what everyone I think would want to do)
- Ignore it.
- Give a consequence and if so what???
- No dinner??
- Try to lecture her on why that is not a nice thing to say, even though i am sure she nailed my look...

And I looked at her and turned around and just walked away........ I think I just was tired..........

BUT...............for those of you who deal with kids with a form of autism.. 

THIS IS A HUGE BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!  Did you catch it???????????????  SHE RECOGNIZED MY EXPRESSION!!!!!!!!!

YIIIIIIPPPPPPPEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thank you "Emotional Bingo!"

Last night when watching wheel of fortune I guessed on a puzzle and was wrong, she says......How does it feel to guess dumb things like that.......

And again I had a choice...........lololol  this time I told her how that makes me feel and of course she debated with me on how it was dumb.......So she ended up faking a "sorry" and I let it go.

Well this week has been full of them............!! And I did not respond how I should have= (  A couple times I had to though= (  Ya know she is so sweet and loving!!!!!!! I just don't understand what goes on upstairs that can switch it so fast.. And here is the question I still don't have an answer to.......

Yes she is learning how to respond better to things, or what is appropriate or not to do or say....
These things do NOT stop her from thinking them, I am her mom, I know what she is thinking at times just by her expressions.........I can see the feeling of HATE just beaming out of her eyes!!   So how do you stop the brain from going there to begin with???

Her crying and overloading was a bit better this week, no hitting the baby this week. As far as physical and mental strain this week has been very positive. Except a few times she anger outbursts.........OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  I forgot, I found the cure for Samarra expecting dinner right at 5:30 when I get home!!!!!!!!!!! We started walking two miles right when I get home!!!!!!!!!!!

Then after I get home she she is so tired she doesn't even mention it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  lololol   GO momma Go momma...........Except this means I am going to have to be healthy all the time.........uggg what i give into to have no conflict.................  blah............eeeeewwww....lololol

So for those of y'all who are prayin out there.. I believe it was our week to get some divine intervention= )   WHOOP WHOOP...........Now pray for my brain cells to stop disappearing!!!!!  lolol

Well I am off here to do the work thang............

Here are a bunch of photos of our Easter Weekend!!!  = )  ENJOY!

UM Hair lookin all who-dun-it-and-what-for!!!!!!! 

AWW new Hair-do.. lookin for eggs= )


Found one!!

Just me.. yup look the same as i did last week  lol

Have a GREAT WEEK!!!!!!

Friday, April 6, 2012

Aspergers..ODD... Emotion OVERLOAD!!! April 6, 2012

And yet again....

It's FRIDAY!!!!
WOO HOO!!!! 

This week has seem to flown by me, which is a good thing, but at the same time that means I am a week older!! BOOOOOOO.... 

 However, I did learn something this week I did not know.... An article on about those crazy huge mosquito looking bugs that I have always called mosquito eaters......... DID YOU KNOW......... that the larvae are kind of big and brown and they like to eat rotting things, but when they get to the older stage when they are flying around they do not eat ANYTHING, no not even mosquitoes!!!!!!! However they do MATE A LOT!!! LOLOL Their only goal is to produce more and be food for birds....... I am not sure but it seems with no nutrition, that would be a hard life!!!!!!!!! LOLOL Just sayin...... lolol

 So when I say emotion OVERLOAD.. that also come with confusion and just complete loss of what to do..... So I told you Samarra had her science fair right and was so nervous she was sick and wouldnt eat and just looked bad! So she went to school and judging was not until 1:30 p.m. that afternoon......

 GUESS WHAT!!!! She won third place.. AND!!!!! This is going up against the big kids!!!!!!!!

And so here goes the story........I have to say I am still just confused a bit, but me trying to be a psychologist, i think i figured it out... YAY momma, i need some special letters after my name now too.. LIKE.... Darla Lindauer GME (G=Greatest M= Mommy E= Ever) But I think my mommy should have that first lolol

OK, so I get home normal time, and OF COURSE Samarra runs up to me.. still no HI, I missed you, or anything... Always Whats for dinner... is it ready........ And as usual I tell her again.. honey. i just got home, no it is not ready.... lol so little drama and we get home...

We are home and I say to the girls.. Mommy bought you a surprise...... That seems like a nice thing to say right???


Samarra turned into a different person, it was like a light switch... sitting there almost calm about dinner not being ready and I told them about the surprise i brought and Samarra JUMPED up! Started crying and was mad!!!!!!!!!!!! She is now yelling i want to know what it is!!!!!!! I am in shock at this point... I said honey I said it was a surprise, I am getting ready to get it out now.. She snaps back with i want to know she is on the couch now kicking and screaming and covering her face and rocking back and forth just BAWLIN........

Me..........I am just standing there looking at her, (You ever have one of those moments where you think you might have went brain dead????)  I said honey why are you crying???? She through all the tears and crying says.. you said you brought a surprise but you wont tell me what it is........ Me again...I am so lost at this point, I don't know what to do...........Is there a consequence needed here, is there not???

OH LAWD please help me, I am the momma and I am suppose to handle this right!!!...

She is getting louder so finally I said Samarra! You are about to not get your surprise if you don't calm down! And she yells out I CANT STOP don't you get it!! I am like well you are getting older and you need to learn to calm down.. she continues for a bit then she starts taking deep breaths and I just told her.. let me know when your ready....... About maybe 10 min later she says.. I am ready and i got the surprise out...... I had got both of them a bubble blower thing and she says.. OMGosh mom can I say I love you so much right now!! and they had a blast while i got dinner ready........

So I am sorry to use such a word, but there is nothing else to describe that but IT SUCKED!!! 

But, like I said I figured it out and because she fell asleep by like 7:30 that night, and she cried a few more times randomly, that emotionally she was just exhausted... worrying about science contest just did her in and she has problems with showing the proper emotion anyway that when i told her I had a surprise she got too excited and it was just an overload and she couldn't handle it.... WHEW.. talk about overload, I was so confused, my brain felt like it just melted out my ears and I couldn't even think!!!!!!

I think it was a BAD BAD mommy decision to move her meds to a different time of day, I think that has caused her to be off all week too.... She has had more anger, even hit her sister a few times on purpose and just not quite her improved self.. Yes, I moved them back already, but I think it is takin time.... AND....Yes there were consequences.. lol I am not slackin over here... So no lectures from any of y'all lololol

On a really fun and positive thing we had a girls day Saturday morning and me and the girls and my mom and Aaron's mom and my sister and her youngest daughter went to a princess breakfast at Meadowood Baptist Church in Midwest City........First of, I have to say this thing was so organized!!!!!!! I LOVE THEM SO MUCH NOW!!!!!!!!! Ya'll know i can not deal with chaos and under planned events.. it to me was PERFECT!!!!!! I think the coordinator and I could be friends lol finally someone besides Jalaine who knows how to put a thing together!!!!!! You just don't know how much this a good thing, cause my OCD has me on my nerves ready to jump up and take over and I sweat and get all shaky and agitated and it makes me angry!!!!!!! lol OK enough about me. lol .......The girls had a blast, the food was good, we had a perfect time, they had the whole banquet hall decorated so cute and it was awesome so I have a bunch of pictures today of that= )

OK, I am going to stop now, I really need to write more, cause like I have so many things to say.. I think I will begin writing again in the week another day, cause my brain really needs it bad!! And I don't really have another outlet cause i feel like others don't want to always hear about it so .. you get to.. but .. you choose to lolol ....So my ranting may begin more often again= )

A CLUE ......A CLUE !!!!

Siahna's School class= )  AWWWWW


Happy Easter weekend!!!
Have an awesome week!!!