Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, September 28, 2012

Aspergers.. ODD... Testing testing 123??? Yay I can post a blog today!! Sept. 28, 2012

Today is another song day!!

Happy Happy Friday.. Happy Happy Friday!!!  
 If you sing that, and wiggle around it is kinda fun  lol Well,...... Maybe you should only do it if you have kids with you so you can blame it on them  lololol

Destiny Christian School !!! Go WILDCATS!!! 
 WOW, Ok, so I had a awesomely written post for last Friday!!!!!!!!!!! Guess what??? It was not my fault this time.. SOOOOOO those of you sending me love/hate mail.....lolol.......The blog page was broken!!!!!  I couldn't get to the post page, just an error. I tried again Monday, same thing. Today I crossed my fingers and legs.. lol cause I am wearing a skirt and I usually do anyway and I opened it and it works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YAY!!!

So you will be blessed with my words today  lolol

To be honest with you though I remember nothing of last week now  lolol I am telling you i have issues or my life is so horrific that I block it out immediately......But I am pretty sure that is not it.. lolol

Well one thing I do know is we went to see her behavioral doctor, Dr. Kukas, and because we have been dealing with such anger issues at home, I gave i n to upping her current meds 1mg so this makes her taking Intuniv 3mg every day...

OK, I do not suggest just throwing your child on meds for any reason, I wished I did not have to give meds to Samarra. I say HAVE to because.............This was NOT for me, it was for her finally. I fought it for over a year almost!!!!!!!! But when our situation got so bad to the point and I hate to say this. I seriously thought one night Samarra would kill me in my sleep or kill her baby sister when I was not looking.....I did at one point cry so much cause I did not know what to do, she was so miserable!!!!!!!!

So I did research on this medication, it is normally given to children with ADHD and all it does is give her the ability to think slower. Sound bad? Well, to some it does, but for Samarra, this had been a blessing........ I remember one time after she started the medicine she looked at me and said. Mom, I just thought I loved you for one of the first times ever with out wanting to hurt you...............NOW, most parents have the little awwwww moments all the time, but that was my first one ever with her!!!!!!

She has her moments when outside influences cause her to OVERLOAD if you will and that is ok..... To me I will say.. I would be hurting Samarra if I had not allowed this medication. To anyone out there considering medication...........Do NOT do it for YOU..............this is not about is about them and only them..........You will reap rewards if you stay out of the mix, only thing you need to do is learn to help them!

I HATE HATE HATE that there are so many kids on ADHD drugs and other things cause the parents want relief!   GRRRRRRRRRRRR   OK, that is my rant.

OK, back to normal programming  lolol This week Samarra has been so , how shall I say ... more cooperative!!!!!!!!! She has got her work done at school for the first time ever!!!!!!!!!!!! Before she had work to finish from ALL subjects!!!!!!! I am just so proud of her! She heled me make dinner two nights and NOTHING went flying across the room!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Now, I still have not got her to use the silverware like she knows how to and for some reason  grrrrrrrrr she still throws her plate and stuff across the room when she gets done????????? And yes, now the baby does too..........I think this is my fault cause my OCD butt is right there to pick it up.................. I also put her shoes on this week and tied them..............And I know I shouldn't do that as well................ SO SUE ME!   I don't need a lecture!  LOLOL

This week has been a gift to her and the family...............OHHHHHHHHHHH She said to me yesterday, "Mom, you are the prettiest person to look at"  AWWWWWWW!!!!!!!! Then she says.. Why are you so pretty all the time and some people are not. I said.. Well honey I guess God wanted me to look this way. She says will I be pretty? I said.. Heck yeah.. how can you not be.. You already are beautiful!!! She said...........OK, you ready to cry?......................Well I hope I am pretty cause otherwise I am pretty sure I will never have a boy like me for me cause I am not like other people..........................WHAAAAAA, i wanted to cry, but I did not. I told her.. Well honey, mommy is not like other people either cause I don't like most people anyway  lolol But, I am also NOT a follower.. I LEAD and if they follow great if not then great!

OMG!!! I forgot to tell you!!!!!! Samarra is a POM POM girl at her school and she had her first game to go to!!!!!!!!!!  OK this night was hard for me but she had a blast!!!!!!!!!! OK yea boo hoo mom.. get over it..It is just that I am so protective!

The other girls were running around and playin and practicing and Samarra would be off to the side looking at whoever knows... or I would encourage her to go talk to the girls and they would walk off and so she would come back to me.. she did the repetitive part of the cheer awesome, the rest of it.. well lets say she did her own thing.. lolol  I was SOOOOOOO Proud but i wished it went perfect!  OK, so perfect to her is just how it went.. SHE does NOT recognize or see what I see, ALL she sees is ME.. She doesn't care about them or if they talk to her, she looks at me, she asks if I am proud, she asks did I see.. She wants to know if I am proud again and again... And I think the fav thing was McDonald's on our way home.. lol

OK that is my story, that is my rant.............Now I will shut up!  lol

OK, one more thing.. Siahna will be 3 this Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I can't believe it!  sniff sniff

Here we are over the last two weeks!!

Me at age 3 I think...  Yes, I know  cute..lolol  Weird, I look like a dark Siahna and a fat Samarra  lolol

OOPS, fell asleep after mom took her hair down.. WORE her smooth out! But look at her hair= )

She is the second on the left.. AWW my baby girl!!

She was and I was so proud of her!!!!

Me lol

and ME...

The girls painting pumpkins .. YAY paint everywhere!!!  lol

Yea, so I thought it was cute Siahna dancing on the pole.. lol Yes, that is wrong of me  lolol


What???????  I am comfortable!!

After hair did again= )

Have an AWESOME WEEK!!!!!!!!!!! See you next time.. Same BAT time, Same BAT

Friday, September 14, 2012

Aspergers...ODD...She does not appreciate me!!! Sept. 14, 2012


Happy Friday!!!!!

 Well, this week has been better than the last week. All the weeks are a surprise to me!! On the bright side of that, it is like I have different children every week.. lol 

You will be happy to know the ridiculous screaming and crying and kicking and throwing when it is time to go to bed.....................just stopped.....................Don't know why............Don't care!!!........It was like all Sunday I thought about it and i was stressing out, i let it consume me for a while..........I hate that.. I want to control what i think about!!!!!!!! Well, if I did I probably would be thinking about nachos, so i guess it is not too bad  lololol....

I did not even say a word about it! That is one thing I have learned, WORDS ARE DANGEROUS around my house.......Make a mistake and say one word, Samarra is on it askin questions, and will drive you crazy and sometimes my words promote continued breakdowns!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, so then yesterday out of the blue, Samarra says..........You know, I was good this week I figured out all i have to do is just lay my head down and go to sleep...  WHEW!!!!!!!  It is at this point i panic a little, do i interact with her on it and bring things up again???  So I did a short, You did awesome I am proud... SUBJECT CHANGE!!

So I had two sick kids this week!!!!!, but it was some kind of stomach bug that lasted like 24 hours so it was not so bad, it was the first time ever i heard my baby say she did not want food!!!  lolol  AWWW poor babies... Again, she was calm as a cucumber UNTIL Samarra would come up and mess with her and tell her to cry and make a huge deal out of it.. You could just see Samarra enjoying it. That child gets this gleam in her eyes like I would if i was lookin at a diamond or something....And the grin on her face............OMG seriously I get so mad so fast!!!!!!

Really is there not someone out there who can correct this ?????????????? Yes, I still think sometimes my child is going to grow up and be like a serial killer or something!!!!!!!!!!! I hate to say that, but that is almos ttheonly thing she shows true happiness in...........They say... encourage them in their interests...........UM SORRY........I cant!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Well she on the flip side DID not like Siahna getting more attention this week when she got sick...........She screamed and yelled that i did not love her and she hates me cause i always choose the babies side........ One of them was REAL BAD.......... Siahna said something to Samarra and she was already just on edge and She ran to her bed and started bangin her head on the wall, grabbing things off the bed to throw and screaming as loud as she can..............." She does NOT appreciate me!!!!!"  over and over.......... I am trying to understand this................I wait it out............then when it is safe to go in, i ask her what she is talkin about and she is yelling now, she does not appreciate me... I gave her something and she didn't say thank you!!!!!  I said.. Samarra she is 2..........she has no idea what appreciation is..... Samarra yells, IF YOU WOULD BE A GOOD MOM AND TEACH HER SHE WOULD!!!!!!!!!  I tried to explain more that even if I tried to teach her, she still would not get it for a few years or more................Nothing.. she continued.. you just don't want to!!!!!!!!!!

OK, GIVE UP TIME..................walk away.. I don't care and i will not spend one more second of my day dealing with this....

GRRRRRRRRRRR..... OK and let me remind you that all of these go on like a light switch and they stop just as easy.......and she is just as sweet as can be ...........

OMG you will never believe this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When I got home Friday Samarra DID NOT badger me about going out!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think i was in shock, I think i was looking at her like she was diseased and not my child!!!!!!!!!!  lol  I was so confused, so much so that I almost asked her.. "HEY! why you not ask to go out"  Don't mes sup our routine now!!!!!!!!!!  lolol But I did not...

She wanted OATMEAL............and guess what she has now eaten oatmeal for breakfast and dinner all week.  WEIRD.. but it could be worse right??????????  I don't care, easy for me healthy for I am going to the store today to get a BUNCH of it!!!

OK, seriously I need to get ready for work.............. I talked to Samarra's teacher again............I am becoming .. "The Stalker Parent"  lolol  OK< this made me so sad..........

She said Samarra is showing signs of anger when she is directed to do things in a specific way , helping her to stay organized and not forget her HM like she was. This is good. She says Samarra seems to do just great in the classroom setting or in a directional situation better than like recess or lunch. She said Samarra seems to wonder off or just stand by herself or she goes and stands by the teacher..........She said she is going to try and see how it works if she tells Samarra specific things to go do when on recess and lunch......

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! WHY cant she just play............Does this hurt her, Does she worry about it, OMG if she does, the pain and sadness she must feel of being all alone is just too much for me to even think of...............UGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
I cant be there to hold her and show her love! See it is times like this that i feel so helpless and these are the times that I start feeling sorry for her then i start letting her get away with stuff at home and spoiling her rotten to try and make up for all the rest =-- (  

Yes, I know that does not make up for it, but now maybe some of you can see why I do it........ I have to make sure I don't this weekend cause i just found out yesterday....

So as you can tell, Samarra had a rough week a bit.... Don't read this blog and think she is a bad kid, she is generally so super sweet.........She has her moments daily, but.. remember God made her perfect, i am responsible for making sure it comes out right.. and i know I am not perfect so neither will she!!!!!!

My beautiful girls!!!

Look at Siahna lookin at her sister for what to do.. awww

New hair do!

Such a sweet face..................Don't get sucked in  lol

This is IMPORTANT readin!

Me with a ghost across the left side of my face apparently!  lolol

She knows she is cute  = )

WHAT???  This is what I look like...
 Happy week to you all= )

Friday, September 7, 2012

Aspergers..ODD...OK, I am lost!!! Sept. 7, 2012

Yes it is FRIDAY!!!

The # 1 question I will ask myself as I walk into work is............ Do I get a doughnut or do I not.........If only life were that simple!.. lolol  WAIT.. that is a hard decision!!!   Still have not made my mind up yet, I will want it, but I don't........I seriously can eat a whole doughnut in like seconds, then i want another....WASTE OF CALORIES!  It would be so much easier if they had a bunch of BORG standing there saying in the voice I love SOOO much.. Resistance is futile!  lololol  OK, that was geek stupid.. oh well it would work on me tho... lol

OK... Here is a question to all of you out there.......Do you ever stand there and feel like your brain has leaked out of your head and you can think of absolutely nothing but gibberish, or look at a situation and think.. I have absolutely no thought on that????? WELL............I have and I still am thinking that.....The mental picture of that happening is quite gross.. lol

That is how this week has been.............I can not for the life of me figure out why EVERY NIGHT this week Samarra has had a major meltdown!!!!!!!!!!!! I am to the point it is pissing me off! Not at her, just the whole situation!!!! And me! I don't know what caused it, I don't know why it is not stopping, and I don't know how to fix it!!!!!

So here how it goes....................crying asking what is wrong..........
Samarra: I am scared
Me: OF??
Samarra: I wont be able to sleep tonight............
Me: OK, and why does that scare you?


OK, don't think I am stupid enough for the SAME scenario to happen, I try to do positive things and tell her how awesome she did the night before........I try to find anything and everything to make her happy even getting glow sticks for her to take with her......Of course the TV is on night she THOUGHT she might want the shopping channel, but just couldn't do it cause yes it is not her routine which make it so worse!!!!!!!!

I have tried EVERYTHING I KNOW!!!!!!!!!

She is screaming!!!!!!!..............KICKING!!!!!!!!!!.............. Yelling like someone is seriously torturing her... saying MOM!!!!!!!!!! Don't leave me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I cant do this!!!!!!!!!!! hyperventilating...................mad and throwing things. This goes on for a good while! Never know how long!  All I know is mentally I am WORE PLUM OUT!!!! Yes Yes, i realize she is too.. but dangit i need some empathy too!!!!!!!!  lololol  But here is the thing.. I CAN'T GIVE IN!!!!!  It will make it so much worse!!!  So what do I do!!!!!!!!!

You know it just hit me, I wonder if something about us having her birthday party last weekend at the house did it???  We did have a "stanger" Magician over along with like 30 or so people............All this mess started after that...................hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...................You know I should be thankful she is able to communicate with me most of the time.............The spectrum is a difficult thing and easily she could be more on the side of non communication!  So THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!


OK forget that.. it is what it is until it is not.. lolol

So the birthday party was fun, all the kids had a blast and I did too.. I found myself mouth dropped a few times thinkin.. how he do that  lol  You ever watch someone sleep and like their mouth is all open and they look funny.. I think that is kinda what I looked like  lolol

The cupcake stand instead of a cake worked out well also.. the kids loved they got to choose different kinds!!! And of course I got Samarra a chocolate cake with no icing........... she loved it...= )

After that Samarra had her friend/sister from another mister  lololol  Stay the night.. Rhi Rhi.... they are so cute together.. they both have some spectrum social skills to improve on.. and they just fit perfect..........They even tried to make up a secret sister hand shake.. AWWWWW

Then the next night was off to my sisters house.. So it was just me and the baby.............

OK, all those out there with a very active two year old!  As you know I don't sit down, in my house that means something bad is going to happen, but I think.. Samarra is not home.. I can sit down for a minute..........

Well the first time i was in there for maybe 10 minutes.. I had forgotten how AWESOME it felt to just sit down and watch a grown up show!!!!!!!!!!  I think it was Man vs. Food  lolol  Anyway, Siahna comes walking in and she is trying to hide her right leg.. NO WAY.. she had taken 3 markers and colored her leg up real pretty!!!!!!  Not with washable markers either  lololol I laughed and said what did you do Siahna?? She says  it is pretty mommy.. lololol  I said yes it is  and laughed and hugged her..  lololol

So little later on, I had so much fun earlier I sat down again...........This time I am not sure how long it was but all of a sudden i panicked..........IT IS TOO QUIET!!!!!!!!!!  I jumped up and ran into living room where Siahna with no pants on, no panties on just a shirt is sitting very quietly watching NickJR eating a cupcake.....
Wait.. where did she get a cup cake???  I go in kitchen and look at the cabinet where they WERE.. they are now on the chair at the table that she crawled up to get................. I could have sworn there were a LOT more in that box!!!!!

I look at Siahna and say........Siahna what are you eating?? She looks at me with this big ol grin and says.. I like cupcakes!!!!   I am laughing now.. and I said  How many did you eat????  She held up her hand with four fingers and said FOUR and she named all the different colors off.. lol in reality my 53 lb 2 year old ate SIX cupcakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I felt like i was being an abusive parent!!!!!!!!!!!  But it was so cute and so funny!!!!!!!!!  Icing on her face just strait chillin like a villain on the couch!!!!!!!!  lololol

Moral of the story................MOMMIE DOES NOT SIT DOWN!!!  How dare I!!!  LOLOL>L

Ok, I have to be done, I been up since 3 this morning and i have got to get ready!  I hate wakin up early!!!!!!  I am going to be tired when i get home.. Just in time for our Friday fight with Samarra............ugggg I dread it!!!!!!  BOOOOOOOOOOOO

So here is a bunch of pic from this week..= )

PS. I am adding this in.. it is now 11a.m. and I DID NOT eat a donut  lolol

Party decorations

Cup cake stand...

John the Magician!!

Samarra helping with a dove trick= )

I like this hat!!!  lol

Sportin a balloon hat too!!  = )

YUP she created ART on her leg  lol

me... lol

me again, in case you needed to know.. lol

YES!!! She has SOME clothes on  lol last night Samarra wouldn't give her a drink or her drink so Siahna went to the wall and slid down and said  I am sad.. LOLOLOLOL

She is sooooooo cute!!! One of her MANY sunglasses!!