Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, September 7, 2012

Aspergers..ODD...OK, I am lost!!! Sept. 7, 2012

Yes it is FRIDAY!!!

The # 1 question I will ask myself as I walk into work is............ Do I get a doughnut or do I not.........If only life were that simple!.. lolol  WAIT.. that is a hard decision!!!   Still have not made my mind up yet, I will want it, but I don't........I seriously can eat a whole doughnut in like seconds, then i want another....WASTE OF CALORIES!  It would be so much easier if they had a bunch of BORG standing there saying in the voice I love SOOO much.. Resistance is futile!  lololol  OK, that was geek stupid.. oh well it would work on me tho... lol

OK... Here is a question to all of you out there.......Do you ever stand there and feel like your brain has leaked out of your head and you can think of absolutely nothing but gibberish, or look at a situation and think.. I have absolutely no thought on that????? WELL............I have and I still am thinking that.....The mental picture of that happening is quite gross.. lol

That is how this week has been.............I can not for the life of me figure out why EVERY NIGHT this week Samarra has had a major meltdown!!!!!!!!!!!! I am to the point it is pissing me off! Not at her, just the whole situation!!!! And me! I don't know what caused it, I don't know why it is not stopping, and I don't know how to fix it!!!!!

So here how it goes....................crying asking what is wrong..........
Samarra: I am scared
Me: OF??
Samarra: I wont be able to sleep tonight............
Me: OK, and why does that scare you?


OK, don't think I am stupid enough for the SAME scenario to happen, I try to do positive things and tell her how awesome she did the night before........I try to find anything and everything to make her happy even getting glow sticks for her to take with her......Of course the TV is on night she THOUGHT she might want the shopping channel, but just couldn't do it cause yes it is not her routine which make it so worse!!!!!!!!

I have tried EVERYTHING I KNOW!!!!!!!!!

She is screaming!!!!!!!..............KICKING!!!!!!!!!!.............. Yelling like someone is seriously torturing her... saying MOM!!!!!!!!!! Don't leave me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  MOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I cant do this!!!!!!!!!!! hyperventilating...................mad and throwing things. This goes on for a good while! Never know how long!  All I know is mentally I am WORE PLUM OUT!!!! Yes Yes, i realize she is too.. but dangit i need some empathy too!!!!!!!!  lololol  But here is the thing.. I CAN'T GIVE IN!!!!!  It will make it so much worse!!!  So what do I do!!!!!!!!!

You know it just hit me, I wonder if something about us having her birthday party last weekend at the house did it???  We did have a "stanger" Magician over along with like 30 or so people............All this mess started after that...................hummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...................You know I should be thankful she is able to communicate with me most of the time.............The spectrum is a difficult thing and easily she could be more on the side of non communication!  So THANK GOD FOR THAT!!!


OK forget that.. it is what it is until it is not.. lolol

So the birthday party was fun, all the kids had a blast and I did too.. I found myself mouth dropped a few times thinkin.. how he do that  lol  You ever watch someone sleep and like their mouth is all open and they look funny.. I think that is kinda what I looked like  lolol

The cupcake stand instead of a cake worked out well also.. the kids loved they got to choose different kinds!!! And of course I got Samarra a chocolate cake with no icing........... she loved it...= )

After that Samarra had her friend/sister from another mister  lololol  Stay the night.. Rhi Rhi.... they are so cute together.. they both have some spectrum social skills to improve on.. and they just fit perfect..........They even tried to make up a secret sister hand shake.. AWWWWW

Then the next night was off to my sisters house.. So it was just me and the baby.............

OK, all those out there with a very active two year old!  As you know I don't sit down, in my house that means something bad is going to happen, but I think.. Samarra is not home.. I can sit down for a minute..........

Well the first time i was in there for maybe 10 minutes.. I had forgotten how AWESOME it felt to just sit down and watch a grown up show!!!!!!!!!!  I think it was Man vs. Food  lolol  Anyway, Siahna comes walking in and she is trying to hide her right leg.. NO WAY.. she had taken 3 markers and colored her leg up real pretty!!!!!!  Not with washable markers either  lololol I laughed and said what did you do Siahna?? She says  it is pretty mommy.. lololol  I said yes it is  and laughed and hugged her..  lololol

So little later on, I had so much fun earlier I sat down again...........This time I am not sure how long it was but all of a sudden i panicked..........IT IS TOO QUIET!!!!!!!!!!  I jumped up and ran into living room where Siahna with no pants on, no panties on just a shirt is sitting very quietly watching NickJR eating a cupcake.....
Wait.. where did she get a cup cake???  I go in kitchen and look at the cabinet where they WERE.. they are now on the chair at the table that she crawled up to get................. I could have sworn there were a LOT more in that box!!!!!

I look at Siahna and say........Siahna what are you eating?? She looks at me with this big ol grin and says.. I like cupcakes!!!!   I am laughing now.. and I said  How many did you eat????  She held up her hand with four fingers and said FOUR and she named all the different colors off.. lol in reality my 53 lb 2 year old ate SIX cupcakes!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OMG I felt like i was being an abusive parent!!!!!!!!!!!  But it was so cute and so funny!!!!!!!!!  Icing on her face just strait chillin like a villain on the couch!!!!!!!!  lololol

Moral of the story................MOMMIE DOES NOT SIT DOWN!!!  How dare I!!!  LOLOL>L

Ok, I have to be done, I been up since 3 this morning and i have got to get ready!  I hate wakin up early!!!!!!  I am going to be tired when i get home.. Just in time for our Friday fight with Samarra............ugggg I dread it!!!!!!  BOOOOOOOOOOOO

So here is a bunch of pic from this week..= )

PS. I am adding this in.. it is now 11a.m. and I DID NOT eat a donut  lolol

Party decorations

Cup cake stand...

John the Magician!!

Samarra helping with a dove trick= )

I like this hat!!!  lol

Sportin a balloon hat too!!  = )

YUP she created ART on her leg  lol

me... lol

me again, in case you needed to know.. lol

YES!!! She has SOME clothes on  lol last night Samarra wouldn't give her a drink or her drink so Siahna went to the wall and slid down and said  I am sad.. LOLOLOLOL

She is sooooooo cute!!! One of her MANY sunglasses!!


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