Aspergers Mommy

My photo
Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, September 30, 2011

Aspergers?? ODD... Does calgon really take you away??? Sept. 30, 2011

Happy Happy Friday.. Happy Happy Friday!
(Done to the conga dance......except my dance looks more like an old lady having to go to the bathroom real bad cause my stomach hurts from surgery still. lololol)

OK, and WHY did my doctor remember to tell me that I would be loosing 6 lbs. from having the hysterectomy.......BUT FORGOT to tell me that INSTANTLY I would be 15.............YES I SAID 15 lbs. heavier that before I went in for like two to three weeks after surgery due to fluid build up and swelling???????? UGGGGGGGGGGG ............I noticed myself doing the pregnant waddle yesterday!  WHAT THE????  and I can see my stomach when i look down!!!!!!!! and I have a nice HUGE hand print bruise across my stomach.........I am looking GOOOOOD right now!   lololololol

OK.... SO me and my brilliant self FINALLY put in the RULE CHART and the STAR system in to force last night. GO MOMMA GO MOMMA!!!!!!!!! That one was to a bootay dance........Well in my head anyway... lol PAIN JUST THINKING OF DOING THAT right now! lololol But I forgot to take a picture of rule chart DANGIT!... BOOOO  But I sat Samarra down and explained how it was going to work and she jumped on it quick!!!!!!!!!!!

The posters have things about manners, responsibilities around house, respect, sharing, obeying, listening, helping, and quite a few other things.. it writes them out specifically. I also added some things to it more specific to her. So the goal is to get 50 stars in a week............NOW that may seem like a lot, but as many issues as we have even in one evening I had to set it high and I may go higher after this first week.

I even added tying her shoes on there. so she got a star this morning. She didn't throw her food across the room and she got a star, No trying to kill anyone... lololol NO I DID NOT PUT THAT ON THERE!!! You thought I did though!!!!.. OK, i might add it later = ).......She is so excited about this thing... I HOPE IT LASTS!!!  I am sure some of you will just die to know that .......Yes, i put it up in my living room right next to the TV on the wall because she will see it a lot in there. We spend the majority of our time in there doing something. So I dont think my living room will be in any magazines anytime soon= ( I also put her paper on the wall with a pen hanging from a string. She adds her stars..........BUT she looses stars as well and she will have to cross them out herself also!!!!!!!!!

So wish me continued luck with this system!!!!!!!!! I will take some pics this weekend...  I loved them when I saw them...= )

So I said I would tell you about Samarra's weird lying..........So not cause she is in trouble........not cause she is hiding anything........for no reason I know of..........She has started telling stories that are so life related a lot but out there and she can confuse the heck out of me!

I spoke with her teacher and with out me even saying she says.. Samarra has started this really strange thing and proceeds to tell me the same thing i noticed!!!!!!!!!!!  it started a week and a half ago.........

So help me if you can.. here are some examples of what she says.

To teacher serious as can be.. with facts.

I am leaving early today. I am so excited.. we are leaving to go to England today, my aunt has a castle there and our flight is at four but we have to check in at least two hours early. SO I will be leaving after lunch sometime.. I am not sure exact time but mom will let you know......So day goes on and She waits to here from me.........nothing........... She says to Samarra maybe I better call your mom.. Samarra says... no... don't need to it was not for real.......... She is like WHAT???

Another day she tells of her going to the dentist the week before and how the dentist has a rocket ship and it has a robot arm that brushes the kids teeth and how she got 50 tooth brushes to take home......Teacher says where is this dentist.. She says the one with the train out front.......... She says you mean Dental Depot... Samarra says yea that's the one and they did this and this and I may have to have a tooth out.. and on and on..... The teacher believed it until I spoke with her.. lolol Samarra got nothing from it, what is the point???

To me
She tells me that her and Mimi and Mrs. Jana and Siahna went to the new gymnastic gym around the corner and she gave full details of all the equipment and what she did and she said it was fun and she had the best time......... I was like HUH??? She proceeds to give more details but some confused me so I went to call mom cause it sounded great.. She says don't call mimi.. I was just kidding.... So now I am so confused cause she gave so many details I thought maybe she heard mom talking about it or something.. nope nothing .. she just saw them build the new gym as we drove by.......WHAT???

Another one she said they give her bean burritos at school for lunch.. I am like um I pay for certain food why beans... She goes on and on why..........Didn't add up and I was once again so confused.. I had to call school...


A lie is a lie...........NO MORE and she WILL be gettin her bootay wooped if she does it again! Next thing I know she comes home and tells me someone hit her or abused her and i wont know if it is true or not!!!!!!!!!!!

So the teacher and I are working together... this will stop!!!!!!!

Now the imagination is awesome, she has NEVER shown that side before ever! and SO i told her I loved her stories... BUT she MUST tell me or anyone she is telling a make believe story first.. then imagine it up! I praised her for being so awesome with it........But I also told her and her daddy did VERY STERNLY DO NOT LIE AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hope it works.. but makes you curious........WHY????????????????? And why with in the last week and half....

OK, THE NEW THINGS WITH HER CAN STOP NOW!!! I haven't figured out the old ones yet.

So night was not bad really at all.. almost hog tied her to quit acting like she was going to kill me.. which i know she wont.. well not yet anyway.......Positive thing is her motor skills are not good enough to handle a knife... lol Plus i have plastic ones... see I am not stupid lololol

OK, yeah maybe it isn't funny to you.. but I have to laugh about something lolol

So be mad.. oldies AGAIN....



Yeah it is a cigarette... and  lol nah its a sucker  lol

The purse snatcher!!

Yes... your right.. I am sooooooooo cute!

Random me today= )


Thursday, September 29, 2011

Aspergers?? ODD...I survived, but she wants to kill me!!!!!!!! Sept. 29, 2011

Happy Thursday !!!!!!!!!

I survived the surgery... I lived despite Samarra telling me I was going to die a bunch....... I actually got scared I would!!! But NOPE the world needs Well at least I would like to think it does haha

So surgery was insane......The doctor said to even get me out of recovery he had to prescribe 2 Xanax pills to calm me down apparently i was screaming and telling them to give me more pain meds lol The every 8 min morphine drip WAS NOT WORKING!!!!! So They switched me to 15mg of Lortab and some kind of IV pain meds........WAS NOT WORKING!!!!! I went through this for a whole day.......I kept saying I had to PEE!!! But no one was listening real well ... I just was begging for pain pills....My blood pressure was staying around 70/38 went a little lower a couple times.. The doctor comes in and says listen here DARLA we have given you enough meds to kill a person almost.........We have to figure this out.. I said I cant PEE and they took the catheter out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He said WHAT?? ok I am getting someone in here now to get it back in and I am going to give you a Xanax as well.......

Nurses come in, try to put catheter in and I am so swollen they cant... they get help... they do it felt like a KNIFE RIPPING THROUGH MY BODY.... I felt like I was in a CSI show in a torture room......

SOOOOOOO.........of course it started draining, but after all that time it drained too fast and it sent me in to spasms and I started yelling.. they slowed it down.........two bags later I finally got relief........ And I was on my way to a normal recovery............WHEW!!!!!

I get home with catheter still in, now I have to where it for a few more days... And from the time she got home Sunday night at 8:pm....My ANXIETY level jumped from almost zero to 100%.

With in 5 min. she had went to frig and spilled some food on floor... juice on counter.......threw clothes and all stuff around living room and I am now trying to get to kitchen to help her and see mess.. No HI mom.. I love you mom...... nothing just strait to what she wants....I am upset now and making her clean up and she is crying.......all with in five minutes.......I just turned around and went back to bed......She comes in and says do you hurt... I said yes.... she laughs and walks out......

Only when I got her in bed did she say.. I love you mommy.. I missed you.........I will take it!  SNIFF SNIFF

The next day she thought it would be good to try and scare me to death and she only did it cause I couldn't get her... She kept running from the other room randomly strait at me like she was going to jump on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was yelling at her to stop but she thought it was funny and would pretend she was going to jump on me..........THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!!!!!!!!! I finally glared at her after yelling so much and i was getting up to tear her butt up.. she ran off of course.

What the heck.....You know I accept the fact she is not your every day child and she needs different things.............BUT DANGIT I AM HER MOTHER!!!!!!!!!! I love her more than anyone probably ever will and WHY CANT SHE SEE THIS and treat me different!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord help me with this child!

So we had MAJOR melt downs cause Mimi has been taking care of kids and she wants Mimi's food and everything.........I will admit I have given up for now until I am able to WOOP her BUTT!!

It is like I feel so guilty cause I know she struggles with things on her end and I want to just let her get away with stuff at home so she is happy all the time cause she needs a happy place, but I am hurting her by letting her do things like that.........SIGH!!!!!!!!

OH and for another day....Wait she started this WEIRD lying thing..Not to get away with something just WEIRD>> I will tell you tomorrow cause I have to get ready for work= ) Which by the way the doctor was not happy about lol

I came to work yesterday and went to the doctor and told him I went back to work and he glares at me like he is pissed off and says... "DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD?" I was like NOPE.. but I did not fill out FMLA paperwork cause I planned on coming back and so I don't need a release to work ..... BIG GRIN from me.... He says DARLA you are the most stubborn stupid patient I have!!!!!!! and shakes his head lolol

So I go to leave and he says so I guess it wont do any good for me to tell you to go home until Monday.. I said Nope and left lolol

*****NOTICE***** I do NOT advise anyone to go against what your doctor tells you to do........The ONLY reason I went back to work is I SIT on my butt all day at a computer and have close access to facilities if needed. I was in NO pain sitting at desk at all. I have OCD and need to clean and at home that is all I wanted to do!. SO LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR!

So I took pictures on my adventure off, but they really are gross so I wont be sharing those.. I have one of me in the hospital... but the rest is oldies but goodies of Siahna.. Her birthday is Saturday!!!!!!! She will be 2!!!!!!!!!
At Hospital lookin like Who done it and what for!!!!!!!!
Born October 1, 2009 Siahna Michelle Lindauer
First Halloween.....AAAWWWW  

UMMM This is NOT the beach mom!

Yes, I am cute!


OHHHH  they don't go here??

AWWWW  My babies= )

Great big sister!!

 Have an awesome day!!!!!!!

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Aspergers? ODD....Confirmed... INSANITY...... Sept.22, 2011

Good Morning to you... Good morning to you....
We are all in our places with smiles on our faces.. this is the way to start a new dayyy........ = )

Yes it is the ever dreaded song my mother used to sing to me to wake me up every morning that I HATED!!!!! She is so darn happy in the mornings! lol


Only problem I am having with this surgery is............................ The time THEY want me to recover........not going to happen.. I WILL be back at work next week against doctors orders! LAZY is not an option.. and besides I told the nurse I will be more danger to myself if I am home.. all i do is clean! At work I am steady working at computer and being lazy lololol

OK............IT IS OFFICIAL........Darla Syndrome is a real "condition"! So I was telling you about all my chair moving the last post on how I feel this need to move chairs around in other people's offices and such............


I had to go to the hospital yesterday to do all my pre-op stuff for surgery and to do all of this I kept moving from room to room from 9 a.m. until around 12:30p.m. So that is quite a few rooms...........I was SOOOOOOOOO stressed out .. these people just don't know how to organize chairs!!!!!!!! I even moved some around and one of the ladies said , hey I like that! lololol

I feel like maybe I should approach the hospital and tell them they do not have the most functional set up and I am for hire!!!!!! lolololol

I wonder if me having surgery tomorrow and being a bit nervous about it has made it come out even stronger????????????? hum..............

So i have felt better and i have enjoyed the chaos at the house a bit......I didn't even bat an eye when Samarra had a complete melt down a few times actually....

DID YOU KNOW............

I dont love Samarra as much as her Mimi, or else my food would taste like the way my mom makes it, cause Mimi makes hers with love in it???????????

WHO KNEW that was the problem............I could have fixed it a long time ago lolololol And so this has been an issue for the last couple of days where she just goes insane on me and i just watched lolol Well what would you do.. I do find some humor in it these days.. it is so ridiculous that i laugh, which makes it worse...I really need to not be like a child sometimes... but it is fun kinda lolol

Also, Samarra is real anxious and excited about going to stay the weekend with my sister.....She keep talking about death of course and saying things like this morning she says.. Well mom this could be our last morning together forever......... last night.. she says.. Well this is it, the last time i will be on the couch...... I am like Samarra quit! Cause now she has me getting all worried I will die or something... UGGGG So dramatic.. She is questioning, what about my teeth I brush teeth at 8:17 every night.. and Debbi doesn't have dinner ready by 6p.m. And how an I going to sleep with out my blanket..........if I have a sandwich will she cut it in diamonds?

But you know what...............It is not my problem it will be my sisters lololol

So on a happy note!!!Siahna went pee-pee and poo-poo in the big potty!!!!!!!!!!!! She isn't even 2 yet! She is the one asking!!!!!! Happy Happy.... no diapers soon!!! But sad.. my baby is getting big= ( WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway.. Think of me tomorrow and say a prayer for me and the doctors.= )

WARNING baby on potty photos= )

Got to have something to do on here...... next get a magazine subscription to baby vogue.

How embarrassing .. you taking pictures??

Chillin with sissy

Hurry up and take the dang pic, I cant hold a fake smile that long!

Have a GREAT DAY!!!
I will post again as soon as I can= )

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Aspergers? ODD.... WAAAAAA... I want things back to chaos!!! Sept. 20, 2011

Happy Tuesday all!!!

So I have been sick.........well more like near death!! At least it felt like it........

I am a STRONG person and can deal with pain pretty decently, but i turn into a WET NOODLE and don't function with a freakin headache!!!! Dang sinus infection!!!

Not only do I feel bad, I am not being a proper parent when this happens.. so MY WONDERFUL MOM has had the baby for TWO days........I miss her so much, but she was better cared for over there........

So Last Thursday I woke up with sore throat, went to clinic.. Got antibiotics and sent home, I proceeded to go through life feeling worse each day until Sunday is when i broke down and sent the baby next door. BOOOOOO

OK a note about me........I am allergic to almost all antibiotics, so it is a toss up on what will work for me........I hate that! Another note on me......I am as bad as Samarra!!!!!!!! I go to doctor and I sit down, they are across from me and I cant concentrate for anything............WHY YOU ASK??? UGGGGGGGGGG Cause the chair I sit in had been moved about five inches to the right from where it usually always is.........

I actually asked him to hold on and moved the chair back and then I had complete concentration..........What the heck is wrong with me and chairs........I arranged one of my co-workers chairs the other day, I moved my bosses boss chairs around not long ago, and I moved the chairs at Samarra's therapists office back to where they were.......I seriously have a bad chair issue obviously.


In my all cases the chairs were not in the most efficient position to accommodate people who may come in and I was merely helping.......No need to thank me.. IT WAS MY PLEASURE! Ha-ha

OK, Anyway.... I got STEROIDS...(Next stop body building...lololol) the miracle drug and a new antibiotic yesterday evening and I feel better already.. not great.. but I will take it.... I hurt so bad last night that my eyes felt like they were popping out and it was all i had to not cry, cause I knew it would get worse!!!!!! I did take a Lortab though and yet another drug of wonder!!! lololol Samarra found this whole ordeal quite humorous........I did want to strangle her a few times for laughing when i hurt so bad.....

So basically you see I have not been doing much "parenting" my mom has, I am sure she could write a book about the issues she has dealt with over the past few days!!!!!!!!

I have to tell you though I WANT MY CHAOS BACK!!!!!!!!!!

I don't know what I would do with out the chaos.. Apparently I get bored quite easy....hummm wonder where Samarra gets that????? The more time passes, the more I see her in me.. So maybe lets wipe all the diagnosis's away and give her a diagnosis of the ever dreaded......


So one last note.. I think I gained 5 lbs being sick.. why is it that when I am sick there is only pizza Taco Bueno and McDonald's in the house... I didn't even eat that much, and I feel huge!!!!!

Anyway.. BACK TO MY NORMAL CHAOS!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

BRING IT ON the remake!!

Oldies but goodies= )

Have an awesome day!!!

Friday, September 16, 2011

Aspergers? ODD... OHHHHHHHH the PAIN!!! Sept. 16, 2011

Happy Friday!!

Is it any one else's Friday and willing to give me their check so it can be mine again?? Anyone?? NO? ok= ( I see how all my friends are... I am in pain and your check could mean the difference in my pain level.............lololol

So YEA.....I did not write yesterday.. thanks to all who checked on me to see if I was dead= )

So it was a pretty good nights sleep and I heard the alarm.. YAY I didn't wake from a dream having to use the bathroom.. lol So i turn alarm off and I open my eyes and......................

 I DID IT!!! ...................I SWALLOWED..........

 And it is at this moment I realized that sometime in the night that little bacteria men had their knives out stabbing my throat...........DANG THOSE BACTERIA!!!!!

Like I went strait to the kitchen and took pain meds!!!!! took a shower and got hot coffee............WHEW I felt good enough to go to work.... OH wait we have a therapy appt...


Yes my life is a living nightmare at times........BUT WHY DO I THINK SO MANY OF THE THINGS SAMARRA DOES IS FUNNY!!!!!! I think I may be demented a bit........Or maybe it is because I HATE people who lie or because I hate when people put up a face and are just meanies really....... I like REAL people and that is one thing I CAN say about her, she is real and she will let you know how it is!!!!!!!!!

I cant blame her, she kind of gets that from my genes....I will and do say what I think.. I just have censors it to avoid people being hurt. My sub-human reminded me of this yesterday.. SO should I try to get her to stop? or teach her censoring??? HHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

I will tell a complete stranger they have a bugger if I need to, or their crack is out............I cant believe others would just walk by and say nothing........ lololol

So we are off to therapy............Do do do do do......Samarra doesn't want to go, but we are.. I already spoke to the therapist about us meeting first so she will get to play with toys.. but I don't want to tell her in case it changes.

So we get to therapist and Samarra is ALL ON SHOW today.. she has been enough that she is starting to want to make changes to suit her. The therapist after Samarra says I wish someone we know would get real bad hurt and have to stay in hospital for a long time.......The therapist looks shocked a bit.. I actually am quite calm and almost don't even hear it lolol She says why would you want that.. Samarra rolls her eyes at the doctor and says.............

UM SO I CAN GO EAT IN THE CAFETERIA hello...........or even better make it me, so i get the food and all the attention.. yea make it me.....

She also made the statement to her that she is not as intelligent as Dr. Poyner.. OOPS.... She didn't get upset, at least she didn't show it.. don't look at me.. that is why I am there for help... lol

So in OUR discussion she makes a statement.. I have NEVER seen a child like her before...She just blows me away with the things she says............I just said.. you get used to it= ) lololol But no she said she is going to consult with other doctors to see what successes they have had......

SSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I told you she was a mess!!!!!!!!! Even the doctor needs a doctor now lololol

So we have a goal this week......Samarra is to play with her sister for 20 minutes a day what the baby wants to do with out falling apart and no coming to mom............LOLOLOL Sounds awesome doesn't it.. I will let ya know how that goes.... hahaha

So day goes on and throat is hurting worse and worse and worse and worse and worse.. ok do you get the point??????? SO in fear I am infecting the planet I go to the clinic........


Left work at 2:30
Checked in at doctor at 2:50
Saw Doctor at 2:58
Checked for strep and blood for infection
No strep infection.. Sinus that is.. bad...
Get prescriptions and go to pharmacy
Get medication , take them in parking lot
Go next door, pic up pizza.
Drive home
Pull in driveway.................And here it is!!!!!!!!!! I get home at 3:50!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is like a miracle!!!!!!!!!! Like if I prayed I don't think I could have moved faster unless God gave me bionic ability for a moment... lololol That was a GOD and sci-fi moment.

So ok, lets back up...........I get to work and find out the company is sold...OMG........ ok whatever............then a water main break.. cant use the toilets or faucets...........OMG NO COFFEE????????? whew good thing i stalked up before this............  WHY IS IT.. The second I find out I cant go to the restroom, i am in pain from needing to go, but a second earlier i was fine...........DUMB BRAIN!

Lets see.. I had to learn some SQL pick up another job of someone moving to the New York Times.............. and then not feeling well...........

So ALL of this was simply to explain I was too busy to write!!!!!!!!!!

See it is WRONG that in my mind I worry how the weekend will go..........I have figured it out... Let asperger kids and ODD just do whatever they want and happiness is for sure........Get them to do what they SHOULD be doing... NO BUENO= ( So it is sometimes a hard decision for me on what to do........But as her parent it is my responsibility to help her learn even if she fights it.....The doctor said it is going to get 100% worse before it gets better when i really go full into it...........SIGH.........when will that be??

Woke up today and throat feels better, head hurts worse= ( BLAH BLAH But TGIF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHH taking Samarra to Lion King 3D this weekend.......Yes duh of course I am bringing the headset and realize we may have to leave... but got to try= ) I haven't told her yet.. good thinking on my part= )

Sorry Oldies but goodies= )

I hope you have an awesome day and weekend!!!!!!!

Wednesday, September 14, 2011

Aspergers?? ODD... My normal is your nightmare! Sept. 14, 2011

HELLO World!!

I feel like i am in another realm of existence today.............WEIRD!! This weather is making me feel like a different person.. and I think happier!!!!!!!  So the question is....Did I transfer to another dimension or am I in the same one and it is getting better???  All I have to say is .............if i did tele-port to another dimension.. I am pissed cause I would think at leas tone of them I am RICH!!!  OK, I watch WAY TOO MUCH Sci-Fi TV!!!!!  lolol 

 Why do I not think of cooking and shopping and dinner parties and stuff like other moms do.. at least I think they do.. Why am I so weird  lol Maybe everyone does it... I just DONT CARED AT ALL if people know I am weird.. take me or leave me...........preferably leave if you only want something from me  lolol  That is too much stress!!  LOLOLOLOLOL

I AM SOOOOOO MAD!!!!!!!!!   So for the last two nights i have been dreaming about great things.. the first I won 10,000 at a casino, but in my dream I needed to go to ladies room.. I kept looking and couldn't find it!! To the point of me hurting and I woke up.. guess what.. I had to go to the restroom.... dang-it  and I hadn't even cashed in my ticket yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Second one I was eating a yummy meal in Florida and I had to once again visit the ladies room.... I couldn't find it.. woke up and YUP had to use the restroom.......... I didn't even get to finish my meal and go to the beach!!!!!!!!!!!!  I am NOT happy about this at all............ So no more liquids for me before bed!!!!!!!!!!!  lolololol  I am like a kid or something. lolol

So I don't know if it is the weather making me happier or what but last night i was just going along easy peasy fabreezy......nothing seemed to bother me..........OH yea we had a meltdown over the fact that I don't cook like mimi does and she was NOT going to eat the food cause it was not right.. and she ALWAYS has her eggs cooked a certain way and that is not it, so she is not eating it........... OK fine, I ate them lol and they were great if i may say so..lolol  I am mean and wasn't really caring at the moment...lolol.....And the fact I wouldn't go get Mimi, who is sick by the way, to make her her eggs was not acceptable........I am like get over it..........She is screeching into her pillow kicking......Nope didn't bother I will have a good night and not walk on egg shells!!!! I actually sit at work during the day thinking how the night will be.. that sucks!

Then lets see, apparently she is tired of living in a world of ignorance.......Ya know what.........I told her, you may have the smarts girl but you will never be truly smart until you have lived real life.. and I have done a lot more of that than you.....YEA ok, it made me feel good, but she had no clue. lol She says. that does not make sense mom. OH YEA it is a literal thought or something she can touch.. my bad...

The teacher says the clapping and screeching is happening at school as well. I wonder what it is?? Probably 20 times last night she did one or the other.......IT CAN STOP NOW.........Ok, so you know I would never hit my daughter, but I PROMISE when she does it, it goes strait to the mad, anger part of my brain and makes me want to react with violence!!!!! She could be the next military weapon to control fighters... lolol OOPS a little sci-fi coming out again lolol

Funny the teacher told me yesterday that sometimes Samarra makes a lesson plan in before care at school and gives it to her when she gets in class...The teacher says she has to thank Samarra for helping but for her to remember SHE is the teacher not Samarra... lolol Taking over the world lololol I told the teacher, yes she likes to be in control.. Teacher says.. YES SHE DOES!!!  Thats my little leader.. just dont try and lead me... !!

So my last thought for now... Siahna has these baby videos that she watches and I am not sure but I think they may have subliminal messages in them!!!!!!!! Remember back in the 80's and 90's when people were scared of subliminal messages lololol OK, anyway.. I am telling you these things are either a God-send or well the other.. lol She watches these things over and over and never tires of it.. She will sit and stare.. go to kitchen and be looking back.. stand in front of it.. It is like no matter where she goes her eyes are on the TV watching this DVD of babies.... I took pics last night to show you .. she doesn't even acknowledge me taking the photo lololol

Here are some pics from yesterday= )
Baby video ... GOOD or BAD????  
Watching babies

Watching babies

Watching babies... 
Me for no reason= )

Samarra after her saying "WHAT?" I didn't do anything= )

I didn't do anything either!

Have a GREAT DAY!!!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Aspergers??ODD....STOP CLAPPING!!!!!!!! OMG I am going to go insane! Sept. 13, 2011

Happy Happy Tuesday........

HUM... strange, i have no children songs in my head at the moment... YAY!!!  I was singing one in the shower this morning, but cant remember which one.. I might be child song free today.. WHOOP WHOOP.. I need to put some music on quick!

So as most people who know me, knows I think of a lot of things at the same time and I cant explain how they get there and why some are so weird.........But I am sitting doing makeup this morning and it hit me.. What is the purpose of moths, so I go to the internet So here is what I found out.

They are essential to pollination..........UM not at my house they all go to the light and die on my front porch or dive bomb me when I try to walk out of my house........And i definitely do NOT have beautiful flowers around my house or wonderful fruit trees.........The moths are slacking and i am going to get a bug zapper!  lol Seriously I hate doing like my aerobic exercises every time I walk out my front door in the morning just to get off the porch!!!!!! lololol 

And I did watch Godzilla vs. Mothra this weekend.. LOVE IT...  Yes, I love the cheesy movies.. always have.. always will= ) 

OK sorry had to share..............And I wonder why Samarra is so scatter brained... lol

Hey guess what!!! Remember I haven't spoken of death and dying with Samarra in a while..........ITS BACK!!!!!!! I am so lucky......I got to have a wonderful conversation with Samarra last night about people donating their body to science.. not so bad.. it is just the ways people could didnt get grose, but it is just annoying...And it freaks me out cause she shouldnt be thinking about it!!!!!!!!!!


AND QUIT clapping!!!!!!!!!!! Samarra has started this thing not a tick, but kind of like a tick in that she randomly claps 3 times...........IT IS LOUD and ear defining.. I don't know how it is so loud but it is.. enough to make the baby cry at times.......... This has went on for about 4 days now, but only last night did I realize it is for no reason....I cant tell you how many times I have threatened her with her life if she did it again.. And of course she does and is still alive..

GREAT...Now I am not following through lololol

What the heck though seriously..........The additions of crazy stuff has got to stop.. I just see her in my head.. jumping up and down like an African bush lady clapping and screaming her high pitched scream.. and stopping to count....... TELL ME THAT'S NOT A CREEPY THOUGHT!

I am not sure I even mentioned the other thing with in the last week is this high pitched shrill for no reason which i think if held for more than a few seconds could possibly bring the house down!!!!! UGGG

I think I need a headset! OHHHHHHHH speaking of me.. lol I have a massage set up for next Monday. They come to my job so I don't have to leave work even.....I am so anxious. I may cry when they leave.........hahahaha

Well we made it through another night, no one dead...... Samarra did put almost put her hand on her sisters face last night then freaked out cause she thought I was going to send her to jail.........If you didn't read that blog.. her therapist told Samarra in a very stern tone that if she heard of Samarra trying to hurt her sister again , she was legally bound to report her to the police. Samarra took it seriously...

I DON'T PLAY........I tell her strait up.. I love you so much and I wish you could understand that, but you hurt your sister or anyone and I will report you myself! I tell.

Anyway.. I need to get finished and go to work... you know money and

I will leave you with this thought Samarra asked me..... Samarra only sees black and white...There is no room for jokes, everything is literal to her and their is no way a fairy tale is real because it does not fit in black and white explanations.... So knowing that.. Samarra says........So you know I have been thinking and how do you know this GOD Jesus really exists.........There is no logical explanation for him.........

NICE...........Tell me.. how do I explain that one....

Here are my babies last night= ) Nothing exciting, but my babies= )


And may the "FORCE" be with you! I have NO CLUE why I thought that lolol

Monday, September 12, 2011

Apergers? ODD!! MOMMA had panic moment! Sept. 12, 2011

GOOD Morning Oklahoma and beyond!!!!!!  

OK, so I have buzz light-year in my head if you cant tell..lolol I don't know why....Tis not for me to question why.. just go with the flow.... haha

SOOOOOOOOOOOOO I had a panic moment this weekend... not a scary one.......SOOO who knows the story of Abraham in the Bible??? WELL my mother has always and will always read her Bible every morning with a cup-o-joe...........Well when the girls are there it is a quite time for them and they respect moms time to read aloud so Jana can hear as well............SOOOOOOOOOO School was out last Tuesday for Samarra and she stayed with mom.......Mom read the bible about Abraham.......Samarra hears everything and remembers.....

OK.........HERE IT COMES........... I am doing Samarra's hair which looks awesome I might add... See......

OK, back to story..........I am doing Samarra's hair which take minimum of two hours.........Well in this time we know all that mother daughter bond stuff.....She decides to talk about Abraham......... I am just listening and she says God talked to Abraham and Abraham fell down before the Lord because he is holy.....

And then it happened!!!

Samarra: Mom... What is circumcision mean...
Me: OMG. OMG. What do I say........
Me: Well honey what that is.........See it was a long time ago..........Um well.......that is a question for Daddy!!!!!!! DADDY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Samarra has a question for you.
Samarra: Daddy are you circumcised and what is it?
Me: I turn around and look at him and stick my tough out.... REAL mature I know lolol but I was crackin up!
Daddy: Well...........That is an old Jewish custom between God and little baby boys, which is very private just between them..

Me: I am thinking...DANG he did that good!!!!!!

Samarra: Are you daddy?
Daddy: Yes, but it is not something we talk about , God wants it to be between only him and the boy...ok?
Samarra: ok.

We get her hair done and go to Mimi's and first thing she says is.. Mimi... Daddy is circumsised!

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have to call the school tomorrow!!!!!!!!!!!

So I get up... call the school and speak to her teacher... We are ROLLIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She had planned for the daily lesson today.. Abraham!!!!!!!!!!!! She said she was going to save that lesson for a while.... LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

WHEW!! Thank goodness I called!

OK, so about the weekend..........I got to go to a movie!!!!!!!!!!! OMGosh!!

Samarra was not very happy about this at all........This weekend was rough a bit......We had at least three meltdowns where she flared about and turned into a small banshee looking child......I had a headache by 1pm on Saturday.. I was not happy about.. But guess what just getting away for a bit made it go away..........PROVES... I need time for me!

Anyway.. she is on a mission to have Siahna kill herself.. This over smart child of mine KNOWS she cant hurt her sister, but she can tell the baby what to do to get injured...........I HAVE HAD IT............See now here is where the doctor is going to have to calm me down.. cause I love both my girls.. but the good old fashion me tells me to beat her...(OK all you new wave life people.. I don't really mean beat, spank) I am at a loss here.....her SORRIES mean nothing to me at all......

She says it 1000 times a day.......She is getting attention......We played I spy the board game, fish, Strawberry Shortcake, Hungry Hippos, watched Family Game Night, I brought the slide in the house for them....We went to the park, McDonald's..........I KNOW THERE IS MORE!!!!

So NO ONE can tell me she is not getting attention..I don't have enough for her, I never will and she just does things constantly it seems!!!!!!! SIGH.......

She seems to go in her own worlds sometimes where she is quiet and she actually will go off by herself........I think this is her mind regenerating.........I feel so guilty in saying this........I like it when she does this..........SOOOOOOOOOOO many parents work to bring their children out of this state and to interact like Samarra........BUT there are extremes for both.......I am not different than them, we ALL want to just be in the middle.

OK well I survived a hard but good weekend......I don't feel special.. People tell me I am and that I am amazing.. at least those who know Samarra..............BUT see.. I am no different than any mom or dad who has to deal with special needs........WE JUST DO IT!..(Well most do)........REMEMBER, I prayed when I was like 5 years old for God to give me a child whith special needs instead of giving them to someone else so the child wouldnt get hurt...........SAMARRA IS A MIRICLE!!!!!!....

I have to focus on the baby not getting hurt. She has a big bruise on her back from being bitten BTW.... I tried to take a pic, but we ended up running in circles lolol I am not perfect, I can only do so much.. So I will leave the rest of it to God and the prayer chain= )

Here are some photos of the park trip, ENJOY!