Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Thursday, September 29, 2011

Aspergers?? ODD...I survived, but she wants to kill me!!!!!!!! Sept. 29, 2011

Happy Thursday !!!!!!!!!

I survived the surgery... I lived despite Samarra telling me I was going to die a bunch....... I actually got scared I would!!! But NOPE the world needs Well at least I would like to think it does haha

So surgery was insane......The doctor said to even get me out of recovery he had to prescribe 2 Xanax pills to calm me down apparently i was screaming and telling them to give me more pain meds lol The every 8 min morphine drip WAS NOT WORKING!!!!! So They switched me to 15mg of Lortab and some kind of IV pain meds........WAS NOT WORKING!!!!! I went through this for a whole day.......I kept saying I had to PEE!!! But no one was listening real well ... I just was begging for pain pills....My blood pressure was staying around 70/38 went a little lower a couple times.. The doctor comes in and says listen here DARLA we have given you enough meds to kill a person almost.........We have to figure this out.. I said I cant PEE and they took the catheter out!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He said WHAT?? ok I am getting someone in here now to get it back in and I am going to give you a Xanax as well.......

Nurses come in, try to put catheter in and I am so swollen they cant... they get help... they do it felt like a KNIFE RIPPING THROUGH MY BODY.... I felt like I was in a CSI show in a torture room......

SOOOOOOO.........of course it started draining, but after all that time it drained too fast and it sent me in to spasms and I started yelling.. they slowed it down.........two bags later I finally got relief........ And I was on my way to a normal recovery............WHEW!!!!!

I get home with catheter still in, now I have to where it for a few more days... And from the time she got home Sunday night at 8:pm....My ANXIETY level jumped from almost zero to 100%.

With in 5 min. she had went to frig and spilled some food on floor... juice on counter.......threw clothes and all stuff around living room and I am now trying to get to kitchen to help her and see mess.. No HI mom.. I love you mom...... nothing just strait to what she wants....I am upset now and making her clean up and she is crying.......all with in five minutes.......I just turned around and went back to bed......She comes in and says do you hurt... I said yes.... she laughs and walks out......

Only when I got her in bed did she say.. I love you mommy.. I missed you.........I will take it!  SNIFF SNIFF

The next day she thought it would be good to try and scare me to death and she only did it cause I couldn't get her... She kept running from the other room randomly strait at me like she was going to jump on me!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was yelling at her to stop but she thought it was funny and would pretend she was going to jump on me..........THIS IS NOT NORMAL!!!!!!!!!! I finally glared at her after yelling so much and i was getting up to tear her butt up.. she ran off of course.

What the heck.....You know I accept the fact she is not your every day child and she needs different things.............BUT DANGIT I AM HER MOTHER!!!!!!!!!! I love her more than anyone probably ever will and WHY CANT SHE SEE THIS and treat me different!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lord help me with this child!

So we had MAJOR melt downs cause Mimi has been taking care of kids and she wants Mimi's food and everything.........I will admit I have given up for now until I am able to WOOP her BUTT!!

It is like I feel so guilty cause I know she struggles with things on her end and I want to just let her get away with stuff at home so she is happy all the time cause she needs a happy place, but I am hurting her by letting her do things like that.........SIGH!!!!!!!!

OH and for another day....Wait she started this WEIRD lying thing..Not to get away with something just WEIRD>> I will tell you tomorrow cause I have to get ready for work= ) Which by the way the doctor was not happy about lol

I came to work yesterday and went to the doctor and told him I went back to work and he glares at me like he is pissed off and says... "DID I TELL YOU YOU COULD?" I was like NOPE.. but I did not fill out FMLA paperwork cause I planned on coming back and so I don't need a release to work ..... BIG GRIN from me.... He says DARLA you are the most stubborn stupid patient I have!!!!!!! and shakes his head lolol

So I go to leave and he says so I guess it wont do any good for me to tell you to go home until Monday.. I said Nope and left lolol

*****NOTICE***** I do NOT advise anyone to go against what your doctor tells you to do........The ONLY reason I went back to work is I SIT on my butt all day at a computer and have close access to facilities if needed. I was in NO pain sitting at desk at all. I have OCD and need to clean and at home that is all I wanted to do!. SO LISTEN TO YOUR DOCTOR!

So I took pictures on my adventure off, but they really are gross so I wont be sharing those.. I have one of me in the hospital... but the rest is oldies but goodies of Siahna.. Her birthday is Saturday!!!!!!! She will be 2!!!!!!!!!
At Hospital lookin like Who done it and what for!!!!!!!!
Born October 1, 2009 Siahna Michelle Lindauer
First Halloween.....AAAWWWW  

UMMM This is NOT the beach mom!

Yes, I am cute!


OHHHH  they don't go here??

AWWWW  My babies= )

Great big sister!!

 Have an awesome day!!!!!!!

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