Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, September 14, 2012

Aspergers...ODD...She does not appreciate me!!! Sept. 14, 2012

GOOD MORNING BLOG READERS!!!

Happy Friday!!!!!


 Well, this week has been better than the last week. All the weeks are a surprise to me!! On the bright side of that, it is like I have different children every week.. lol 

You will be happy to know the ridiculous screaming and crying and kicking and throwing when it is time to go to bed.....................just stopped.....................Don't know why............Don't care!!!........It was like all Sunday I thought about it and i was stressing out, i let it consume me for a while..........I hate that.. I want to control what i think about!!!!!!!! Well, if I did I probably would be thinking about nachos, so i guess it is not too bad  lololol....

I did not even say a word about it! That is one thing I have learned, WORDS ARE DANGEROUS around my house.......Make a mistake and say one word, Samarra is on it askin questions, and will drive you crazy and sometimes my words promote continued breakdowns!!!!!!!!!!!!! OK, so then yesterday out of the blue, Samarra says..........You know, I was good this week I figured out all i have to do is just lay my head down and go to sleep...  WHEW!!!!!!!  It is at this point i panic a little, do i interact with her on it and bring things up again???  So I did a short, You did awesome I am proud... SUBJECT CHANGE!!

So I had two sick kids this week!!!!!, but it was some kind of stomach bug that lasted like 24 hours so it was not so bad, it was the first time ever i heard my baby say she did not want food!!!  lolol  AWWW poor babies... Again, she was calm as a cucumber UNTIL Samarra would come up and mess with her and tell her to cry and make a huge deal out of it.. You could just see Samarra enjoying it. That child gets this gleam in her eyes like I would if i was lookin at a diamond or something....And the grin on her face............OMG seriously I get so mad so fast!!!!!!

Really is there not someone out there who can correct this ?????????????? Yes, I still think sometimes my child is going to grow up and be like a serial killer or something!!!!!!!!!!! I hate to say that, but that is almos ttheonly thing she shows true happiness in...........They say... encourage them in their interests...........UM SORRY........I cant!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

Well she on the flip side DID not like Siahna getting more attention this week when she got sick...........She screamed and yelled that i did not love her and she hates me cause i always choose the babies side........ One of them was REAL BAD.......... Siahna said something to Samarra and she was already just on edge and She ran to her bed and started bangin her head on the wall, grabbing things off the bed to throw and screaming as loud as she can..............." She does NOT appreciate me!!!!!"  over and over.......... I am trying to understand this................I wait it out............then when it is safe to go in, i ask her what she is talkin about and she is yelling now, she does not appreciate me... I gave her something and she didn't say thank you!!!!!  I said.. Samarra she is 2..........she has no idea what appreciation is..... Samarra yells, IF YOU WOULD BE A GOOD MOM AND TEACH HER SHE WOULD!!!!!!!!!  I tried to explain more that even if I tried to teach her, she still would not get it for a few years or more................Nothing.. she continued.. you just don't want to!!!!!!!!!!

OK, GIVE UP TIME..................walk away.. I don't care and i will not spend one more second of my day dealing with this....

GRRRRRRRRRRR..... OK and let me remind you that all of these go on like a light switch and they stop just as easy.......and she is just as sweet as can be ...........

OMG you will never believe this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  When I got home Friday Samarra DID NOT badger me about going out!!!!!!!!!!!!  I think i was in shock, I think i was looking at her like she was diseased and not my child!!!!!!!!!!  lol  I was so confused, so much so that I almost asked her.. "HEY! why you not ask to go out"  Don't mes sup our routine now!!!!!!!!!!  lolol But I did not...

She wanted OATMEAL............and guess what she has now eaten oatmeal for breakfast and dinner all week.  WEIRD.. but it could be worse right??????????  I don't care, easy for me healthy for her..........works.. I am going to the store today to get a BUNCH of it!!!

OK, seriously I need to get ready for work.............. I talked to Samarra's teacher again............I am becoming .. "The Stalker Parent"  lolol  OK< this made me so sad..........

She said Samarra is showing signs of anger when she is directed to do things in a specific way , helping her to stay organized and not forget her HM like she was. This is good. She says Samarra seems to do just great in the classroom setting or in a directional situation better than like recess or lunch. She said Samarra seems to wonder off or just stand by herself or she goes and stands by the teacher..........She said she is going to try and see how it works if she tells Samarra specific things to go do when on recess and lunch......

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! WHY cant she just play............Does this hurt her, Does she worry about it, OMG if she does, the pain and sadness she must feel of being all alone is just too much for me to even think of...............UGGGGGGGGGGGGGG
I cant be there to hold her and show her love! See it is times like this that i feel so helpless and these are the times that I start feeling sorry for her then i start letting her get away with stuff at home and spoiling her rotten to try and make up for all the rest =-- (  

Yes, I know that does not make up for it, but now maybe some of you can see why I do it........ I have to make sure I don't this weekend cause i just found out yesterday....

So as you can tell, Samarra had a rough week a bit.... Don't read this blog and think she is a bad kid, she is generally so super sweet.........She has her moments daily, but.. remember God made her perfect, i am responsible for making sure it comes out right.. and i know I am not perfect so neither will she!!!!!!

My beautiful girls!!!

Look at Siahna lookin at her sister for what to do.. awww

New hair do!

Such a sweet face..................Don't get sucked in  lol

This is IMPORTANT readin!

Me with a ghost across the left side of my face apparently!  lolol

She knows she is cute  = )

WHAT???  This is what I look like...
 Happy week to you all= )

1 comment:

  1. You are not insane, in fact I found it somewhat of a relief to know that someone else is having as much fun as I am. Hang in there Mama. You are doing great! You are her safe place. Lucky girls to have you.

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