Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, October 26, 2012

Aspergers...ODD...Why OH Why do i make stupid decisions!!! Oct.26, 2012

Happy Freakin COLD Friday!!!


OK, and yet again, I DID TRY to post last week, but i could not get logged in!!!!!!!!!! So thank you for all of those of you who made sure I, we were ok= ) I never thought in a million years that my words were addictive  lolol Thank you for those of you who read my blog and send me email on suggestions! I got an awesome email from a wonderful girl who also has aspergers and is older. I really wished I had someone who is close and could maybe be a "Big Sister" for Samarra.

So where do I begin!!!!!!  Two weeks worth.. that cant happen or you would be here all day!!!!!!! I can say that in the whole realm of things............Not too bad... I guess I shouldn't say "bad" really, cause my life is not ever BAD, just challenging, stressful, mind numbing  lolol But, I am happy because that is my choice! = ) Also there are some very special people in my life who make it easy to be happy!!! And I love y'all!

I did however make a HUGE HUGE mistake last weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I even thought about it before I said yes!!! I also thought to myself, ok I will let her do this, I know it will cause issues but i decided i would deal with them.............

GUESS WHAT I DID NOT THINK OF????????????? Did you guess???  Yes, I only thought of me......I NEVER even thought how hard it would be on Samarra, even though she wanted to do it....... That is not the way I should have been thinking..........What the heck is wrong with me!!!

So here is the story........Samarra's cousin was over for a sleep over. Samarra at first was still going to sleep in her bed, but then last minute they decided to camp out in the living room.......Sounds fun huh!!!!  I thought well ok, that does sound fun and she wants it so much...........So like i said I thought it out for a moment and I said yes and proceeded to get a bunch of blankies and pillows and I must say I created the BEST blanky pillow mountain I think EVER!!!!!!!!!!!  Thank youy.. Thank you... (Takes a bow)lololol I SOOOOOOOOO wanted to jump off the couch and land on it, but i didnt in fear my old butt would break a hip or something  lolol But the girls had fun doing it.

Yes, i let them jump off the couch........That old thing would fall in pieces if i pulled it away from the wall for real!!!!!!!!  NO new things in my house until kids are gone!!!!  = )

Ok, so the night goes off well, got up got girls ready for church and off we went, went to eat came home finished the day off and about 5:30 Samarra starts..............There is only 3.5 hours until time for bed.........I am scared I cant do it..........AND IT WAS ON.......

(BACKGROUND ON THIS: Samarra has only been sleeping in her bed for about maybe 5 months now. She always slept on the couch because she can see my room and is centralized in the house. For some reason this gives her comfort..Well, for years I have put off dealing with her sleeping in this amazing bed she has.. it has real stairs a desk shelves, and a play area under it with a full bookshelf under there too! But the therapist said it was time.... So i did it, it was so BAD for about almost a month I think but we finally got it to where it was ok.)

Back to the story FYI... lol  So I PROMISE this child was coming to tell me almost every minute that passed and with every minute her anxiety level grew and grew!!!!!!!  I have a lot of people tell me I am patient, but I am telling you there was a divine intervention this night in my house!!!!!!!   

(Read this and think of angel music, whatever that is.. lol) AND THE HEAVENS SPLIT OPEN and down flew five angels this night one for each arm, one for each leg and one to shut my mouth.......lololol The angel light did make me look quite radiant though  lololol I remember looking in the mirror and thinking, wow for such a rough day, I look pretty good  lololol  ANYWAY.....Why do i venture off in my thoughts like that!!!!  GRRRRR ............

Sooooooooo again....I was so on edge i think I coulda snapped any moment.........ONLY thing i did, is once I told her, i am shutting my door and if you even touch my door to open it, you will loose your privileges to the computer all week..................Of course I used the MOMMY DEATH STARE..............and lowered my voice and looked at her and said............DO IT.. I dare you!   LOLOL  That is so grown up of me isn't it  lolol

SO i stayed in the room for like five minutes I think and then i was ready again....... So anyway time for bed and as I expected......................Crying, screaming kicking, hyperventilating, She acted as though i was sending her to her death!!!!!!!!!!  Rocking in her bed, has the blanket to her mouth screaming.. at least it muffled it!!  The whole time Siahna is sayin.. Sissy STOP IT!!!  Momma woop her!!!   lololol

And as always if I engage her 1. Dangerous for me. 2. It gets worse, I had to walk away........ This went on for about an hour and it finally stopped....Siahna was asleep during it!!!  WOW.. I sure was not, i was stuck like glue to the monitor camera I have in there to make sure girls are ok!!!!!!!!!  Well this went on ALL week a little less each night until last night!  Went to bed just fine!  I wanted to just start singing HALLELUJAH!!!!!! As loud as i could but then the kids would wake up! This must have been because the angels left and doesnt it always seem as if you see angels flying up there is some kind of hallelujah song????  Well maybe I just think this cause now i can not think of where I saw this or if i have.. lolol OH WELL.Must have seen it on Darlavision.... lolololol

OH GUESS WHAT????  Her cousins will be here tonight again.. GUESS WHERE Samarra will be sleeping even if she begs!!!  lolol  Yup.. the bed!!!!!!!!

WOW that was a long story!!! Sorry  lolol Try living it!  lololol

Only other thing this week was she has went back to talking like a baby sometimes and WONT allow me out of the room she is in!!!!!!!! I LIKE GOING TO THE BATHROOM ALONE!!!!!!!!  Oh and I love the questions while in there.. What are you doing... UMMMM going to the restroom...... lolol .......

Remember the death thing.. yea, still around... She was upset one day thinking about going to bed and she asked if she could watch a show she saw was coming on, "The Walking Dead" I actually watch it and LOVE IT!!!!!!  I told her no way!!  She said well at least there would be blood and people dying and stuff and it would make me happy...............WHAT???  Does anyone else find this to be odd???  Maybe a bit scary??? Concerned???  I guess I shouldn't, she does have Antie Jalaine in her some I think...... So maybe it is normal  lololol  Love you Jalaine= )

OK last thing I SWEAR!!!  Samarra had her last football game and of course as usual i was a nervous wreck!!! But, she had a blast!!!  About half way in, i calmed down and ate a pretzel, candy and popcorn.. LOL that is called stress eating!!!!!!!!!!  OMG i felt horrible later!  But I did have fun.. lol I cried one time.......I got caught up in just watching her out there trying to do what the rest were doing and she was so happy with a smile and she waved at me, and at that moment i have to say I was one of the happiest mothers ever........I just cant explain it...was wonderful! 

Have a full weekend coming!!  Sama has a trip with the church tonight with her cousin, tomorrow going to the park for a fall festival, church on Sunday, shoppin for some warm shoes and of course as always MY OCD wont allow me to take a break and not clean everything in my house again! I will be glad to come back to work on Monday!!!

Oh just so everyone knows.. I am having a surgery on Nov. 12, I will probably not write that week, maybe a quick Im fine thing....At the moment, i am scared to death!!!!!!!!!!!!..I will spare the surgery photos i am going to try and get someone to take so i can see it  lol Is that grose???    lolol

I do have some videos of Samarra's Pom Pom performances for you!!! and some other random pics= )

Just FYI, the cheer videos get kind of loud, so prepare!!

Click on the below links

Her hair down.... still not showing how long it really is.. but it is beautiful!!!!!!!!!!!  Love the brown out i did...  it did not show anything but i thot i needed to anyway...  lol


Her school picture  awwwwwwwww

Me in black and white.. kinda like it= )

And well not black and white  lol

Have a BOOtiful week!!!! 

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