Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Aspergers?? ODD... Talk about routine!! Jan.19, 2012

Happy Thursday!!

  OMGosh..................This time of year is a CRAZY busy time at work and every day I feel like i have spaghetti for brains!!!!!!!!!!  And then every time I think of that I get hungry!!!!!!!!  lolol  I told one of the ladies at work I am so going to bring spaghetti to work for all of us since that is all I feel like!  lolol But the problem is.. my brain feels like spaghetti that has set in the water too long and got all mushy! lololol

OH, spaghetti and pain .. I am not sure there is a chef out there that has come up with that one... I got the left side of my lower back nerves burned this week and it is kinda painful!!!!!!!!!!! But it is suppose to help in the long run so cross your fingers..

So for those of you sending mail askin where I am and if I am ok. THANK YOU!!

So school is back in and Samarra has went right back to her old routines she had before, it was a challenge to get back a bit, but we made it right back into the INSANITY......... I guess you never know JUST insanity is not so bad  lolol

The routines have kicked in strong.. so far this week I have come home to the "Is dinner ready" routine and major crying and her trying to make dinner every night but last night cause she goes to class at church and mom feeds her= )


Then when she gets home from Awana EVERY week she starts in with I didn't do what I normally do on the other days of the week so I want to start my night like you just got home and guess what?? It is 30 min before bed so NO.............CRYING........MAD..........just outright DEFIANT for about 15 min. When i say defiant.. it is still better like I will ask her to brush her teeth and she will look at me and get up to brush her teeth and give me a GO TO HELL LOOK and say NO!!! But she does it.........

SO now I am all confused..........she is doing what i tell her to do, but she is saying no????????? Should i be as mad as I get??? Like seriously i promise it feels like i been in a tanning bed for like 5 hours and my face is just burned up when she does this...

She also has been doing that acting like she is going to hit me thing.......BOY.......I snapped on that one for sure.......I looked at her and once again probably looked as though i was demon possessed, like there was a tear in space and the real me got sucked into another dimension and threw back the evil me or something and I said........I HOPE YOU DO!!.......... She calmly looks at me and says.. your so dramatic, like I would hit you.... If I was going to hit you i would do it while your not looking.......... OH GOOD I feel so much better now........ WOW

I know she is just pushing me, but this is new so I am going to have to figure this one out. hmmmmmmmmmmm not a good time to be trying to figure things out when i already have mush for brains!!!

I have noticed going back to school has made her very needy of me and very needy of routines so I have been trying to accommodate that....You know I told you she watches Wheel of Fortune every day and i have not sat down to watch it in a while.. well i decided to and guess what??????????

It caused a complete major meltdown!!!!!!!! WHAT THE??????

OK, so last time i watched the show with her, Jurassic Park came on TV after....... So we watch the show and it is over and she says "OK, lets watch Jurassic Park now" I said.. um it is not on.... She says.. Yes it is.. it always comes on after Wheel of Furtune. I say.... No it doesn't honey, that was just that one time........NO we have to watch Jurassic Park!!!!!!!! I just tell her, well honey I don't know what to tell you it is not on.........

So as you can see this is a situation I have NO control over right??? She wants me to FIX IT NOW!!!

She is screaming to me WE HAVE TO watch it, we always do!!!!!!!! And just flips out...MAD as I don't know what, stuff flying....SIGH...........I don't get it...........What is going on in her head to make this so serious???? This should not cause a meltdown. I just took the baby out of the room and let her continue and about ummmmmmmmm 20 min later she came out as if it never happened. Happy, smiling.

I guess that will remain a mystery forever.........How am I to help her when I don't get it??????? GRRR

That is not the only example there has been quite a few. Something about we ate ice cream on a certain day when she was 3 and we needed to again on that day...... UMMMM OH! and the stress of when we stopped at the store there was someone else working than the usual person! HOW HORRIBLE!!! lolol I was going to let her get some candy as I always do and she refused to get any cause it was not the same girl working..... I am like ummmm ok.... whatever.... She goes on and on about it is not suppose to be someone else.. the girl has to be there.......

Anyway......Needless to say, I am kinda stressed out right now, but it is not from Samarra, i think it is a combo of all of it.. lol but I will be all good= )

So I have run out of time for today, but I want to leave it with this.... I have heard comments that people feel sorry for me and do I need help and what not......... NO My life is not horrible.. Yes, Samarra has moments, but there are some WONDERFUL moments we have where you might even question if there are issues at all.....overall she is a pretty good little girl. It is just a toss up on when and what may set her off.

I would not trade my life for anyone's!!! I might add more time to the day, or I might make her life easier.. But like I have said a million times.. I think I was put here for her.......I am not doing a GREAT job yet, but I am trying to get there!

I love my girls!!! Take the bad and find the positive is what I say= )

Thank you to all who have taken an interest in me and my family and my issues.... I hope I make you feel not alone!!! = ) Or maybe my life makes you think yours is great lololol

Here are some of our times over the weekend!! FUN FUN= )

I was getting a hat show while cleaning the bathtub  lol  AWWWW

Me  lol

Samarra in play frig.. She was chasing the baby. lol dorks!

Samarra reading the Bible.... I think it is the 10th time now???

Strike a pose  lol

Siahna in frig...= )


LOL not sure what that look is, i was not forcing her to wear it!!

Have an awesome day!!!

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