Diary of an Asperger's Mom: Aspergers?? ODD.... CAN YOU SAY AAAAAWWWWWW !!! Jan.27, 2012

T.G.I.F !!!!!

OK, NOW SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!

This past week has been HORRIBLE!!! Did I look happy and cute all dressed up for work with a smile and was I nice??? UM YEA.. but on the inside I wanted to scratch peoples eyes out!!!!! Especially the ones complaining about how horrible their life is cause they missed a sale at Dillard's.........WOW really???? If only that was my only issue.... I think the last time I was at Dillards was .. I don't know, but I am sure i bought nothing...

OK, so I guess to them it is the worst thing so I shouldn't say that.......... BUT I DID!!!!! CAUSE IT IS DUMB!!!!!! lololol

SO, Samarra turned out with some kind of monster virus that invaded every opening in her body.. Yes, I am sorry TMI... She also had a 103 temp at one point, only to go down to 102. with meds. This started last Friday and she is still not back yet!!

But because I have been giving her Benadryl I decided not to give her regular medicine to her to help with her Aspergers/ODD.

WOW what a difference a pill makes..........It is like I am doing a science experiment with her brain.. I shoulda taken notes for research purposes of course.. this child was INSANE!!!! Well when her fever wasn't 102. anyway.. during that time she was passed out.... Sadly that is bitter sweet, bitter for her cause poor baby did not feel well..... sweet for me cause ......SILENCE........ = )

I have been threatened with my life. She has been on very short edge with everything... I have been having to dress her cause she tries it and gets frustrated and just goes into a complete rage and she says to me yesterday.

I AM NOT DOING IT!, I AM NOT GOING TO SCHOOL, AND YOU CANT MAKE ME!!!!!!!!!!
I am like you know what a paddle is a wonderful thing.. at least it was in my day.. lets try that...
Her response.........I WOULD LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY AND GET ME UP!!!!

And once again it was one of those moments where I usually feel the fever of the banshee start at the top of my head and my face gets hot and I am sure i look like a demon strait from hell............BUT it is weird.

That did not happen........INSTEAD.

I felt like the sky kind of opened up and i could have sword there was a light that shown down on me and i just felt this blanket of warmth come over me that was very nice and peaceful and i just stood there for a moment and thought.. this is so weird.. why am I not going into a rage??

Well maybe I shoulda tore Samarra's butt up,( I don't mean literally) but I didn't.. i looked at her and I said.. Honey I am sorry your frustrated.. tell momma what is happening.. and she busted out in tears and said.. I could do it last week and i just cant get my brain to do it this week............

I look back now and I know some of those reading may not believe in God, but I promise you Jesus was with me right at that moment and I thank God for helping me see what was REALLY wrong........You know some parents would beet their child in a situation as such.......I am so glad she is mine!!!!!

This morning instead of just getting dressed and going on with it she made a point to say.. I am NOT getting dressed cause you asked me to and I am doing what you say cause I don't HAVE to.. I am doing it cause I wanted to!!!!!!! REALY???? did she need to throw that in there....... Just trying to keep control of me... I promise the Good Lord ties my hands up and holds me back so much around that child........ I think back to my childhood and although i can say for FACT i never even tried anything like she does.. my butt would be permanently dis formed if i had......But seriously though..i was taught respect and a lot of that just follows.. Samarra...........NOPE she has none most of the time cause that forces things to NOT be about her..... And she does not like that at all!!

Well that is just one of MANY instances of how this week has been... a couple things she said to me this week...

1. I was counting with the baby and she looks at me and with a look on her face I can not describe says.... OH look you finally learned to count to 20 mom, I am impressed.....WHAT????.... GGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRR yet another moment I could have went psycho on her...

2. Samarra is on a huge thing about trying to figure out emotions in love........well Aaron was talking about watching a girl on the U.S.Open I think on TV and Samarra says.. and did you fall in love with her?? He is like um no.... goes on.. I then am speaking about a conversation i had with a man at work and Samarra says.. do you love him??? I am like um no........ So I am going to get food and i say hi to the man and she says .... are you going to kiss him?? I am like um no goofy why would i.. she says cause you talked to him.. I did let her know that being polite is just what we do even though we never speak to them again........I don't know how to help her with this???????? Sounds like a perfect question for the therapist who is amazing i might add!!

OH, and did I mention my mom is sick............Out of everything....work being busy, Samarra being sick, Samarra going crazy on me.. my mom being sick stresses the tar right out of me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am not sure it is healthy for me to rely on her so much, not for help, but mentally....But i always say she is my backbone and i have learned my patience and kindness and loving from her which i think is in direct connection with God!!! It is like she is a part of me.. maybe that is why her being sick stresses me out .. also my Grandmother........Who i was close to and loved so much was here one day and got pneumonia and gone the next day.. i dont think i am still over that and I am scared that will be my mom too.......... WWWWWWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

OK.. pull it together Darla!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK I know i haven't been here but i have one more issue I am hoping someone out there reading can help me with PLEASE!!!!!!! And honestly I am a little embarrassed a little...........

SAMARRA SAW SOMEONE KISS ON TV!!!!!!!!!!!!! I try to limit this and one snuck in on me!!! She used to walk around kissing all the guys at school when she was 5 cause she saw it.................

Well ever since she has seen it.. when i go to kiss her she tries to kiss me weird.. like on the neck and on the lips and once she was laying on me huggin me and she started kissin my um chest area...........Yes i was clothed, but still.. I seriously feel WEIRD!!!!

I have explained and explained and she just keeps saying YOU DON'T LOVE ME!!!!!! and getting mad, and I am not for sure but i think that is one reason she has been so angry with me= (

HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

OH and all the laughing at illness and death is back too..........YAY ME!!!!!!!! lolol

OK, I must stop.......I could write so much more.. LAWD HELP THIS WOMAN!!!

Well you get more pics of the baby then Samarra.........She did not want me taking them as she usually doesn't when she is being shoo shoo.