Aspergers...ODD... Did you know ...Science fair = vomiting?? March 30, 2012

Happy Friday again!

Ok, so this makes two Friday's for me this week!!!  I SOOOOOOO thought yesterday was Friday all day! When I finally realized it was Thursday, I almost just fell to the ground and bawled like a baby= (  it was one of those moments where the situation is so dilly, but you want everyone to feel sorry for you!   lolol No, I did not get any sympathy...  I tried, no one seemed to upset about it.. lol  Probably because I brought cookies a day early!!!!!!!!!  Those greedy people, don't even care about the major trauma i am going through, just food...........sigh........  lololol  JUST KIDDING!!  So now I am glad it is Friday again........

That is like having one of those dreams right before you wake up that you already woke up and showered and dressed and was all ready to go and then you wake up............GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR those make me so mad, I just want to cry at that point.. lol  Maybe only I have those.... lol

This week we made a MAJOR BREAKTHROUGH!!!!!!!  Remember I told you that I had decided not to give Samarra the new medication and I will work harder on consequences for impulse behavior that is unacceptable??  You know the biting, throwing, hitting.. etc... Well in therapy this week we all were talking and because she has made such good progress, we are OFFICIALLY taking a break from therapy !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  WOO HOO......Reason is.. the challenge I have now is going to be continuous for a while and we can not conquer more than one battle at a time..........So GO MOM.. make it happen!!!  That part is a bit scary, but the therapist is only a call away she said= )  WHEW!! Oh and God is just a prayer away.. lol yall do a lot of that please= ) ALSO, because of insurance restrictions, they don't consider autism or ODD to be a medical concern so they don't cover ANY of her expenses in therapy......Isn't healthcare wonderful!  Anyway so I get a break from paying for therapy every week....YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and the moving her other medicine to the afternoon was ok on Spring break, but it was NO BUENO once we went back to school...........I couldn't get that child to wake up!!!!!!!!! Also LOTS LOTS LOTS.....of crying for no reason, well no reason to me... the world was not right to her...... So we moved back to mornings and all is well on the crying front!  We have had only ONE major issue this week and that was because i went outside to take trash out and she decided to come out as I was coming in and she got MAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She was trying to push past me and i was telling her Samarra NO! and she started her .........hummmmmm what do I call it.............kinda a yell, kinda a grunt and she was trying to push past me like I had just taken her away from her parents or something and she tried to hit me..........

Can anyone say UMMMMMMM NOOOOOOO...  lol OH heck no, at this point she i had to snap her out of it... I grabbed both her arms, not hard, but got right in her face and i said ..........SAMARRA..........STOP.......I might have had the exorcist voice I am not for sure........... She stopped and looked at me and i took her to the couch to finish and i shut the door............have I mentioned before we have no door nob on the inside of our house.............Yes it is on purpose= )

But outside of that all has been decent...........of course all the day to day things that i have become used to, they still wear me out, but hey...........as long as there are no tears and screaming, things are good= )   I was talking about me there by the way.. lolololol Now , that I think about it, I haven't cried in a long time, or thought I was a horrible mother to her...............HEY things are great then!!!!!!!!!!!!  WOO HOO!!

Ok, I have to hurry, so I am going to type 90 miles and hour now so excuse any mistakes= )  Today was science fair at her school. Samarra and her daddy made a crystal radio.............. OMGosh  this thing was a mess, got it built and it didn't work...............rebuilt and it didn't work................again................NO BUENO.........Almost $100 bucks later, I called her teacher all stressed out and told her....  she said that is how experiments work.. the hypothesis is, we thought it would..........SOOOOOOO  Yes.. we still take it in to show all the steps and the theory on how it works......

So I cant get Samarra to eat today and instantly she woke up cranky, then she kept putting her head in pillow and screaming and she just didn't look well................She finally says..........I am scared and begins to heave.......... I like what the?????????  She is freakin nervous about the science fair!!!!!!!!!!  She just went on and on about how what if she isn't the best.........In her class because she is so smart, she usually out does all the kids in everything, except sports of course.. but she was just SICK this morning, I promise she looked a bit green... but I kept it positive and took her on to school.  POOR BABY!!!  But she continued to get ill all morning , I told the teacher, if she does, she is NOT sick, she is nervous  = (

Well I better get to finishing getting ready, or I will be late and I am never late, at least I don't remember ever being........OH man now I am thinking about being late and I am stressed out..........grrrrrrrrrr

OMGosh I just thought of the funniest thing....  Oh well I will write it next week........= )

Playin in Mimi's backyard= )

Siahna LOVES Woody........I am not sure he loves this though.. at least he is smiling= )  lol

Cookin!

I love these glasses on her= )

Workin on science project

Finished crystal radio

Me again, in the car= ) 

Have a wonderful day!!!!!!!!!!

Aspergers...ODD.......I hate making these decisions, when my gut tells me NO! March 23, 2012

Happy Happy Friday...Happy Happy Friday! 

(Done to the conga song, just FYI so you can join in so I don't look so stupid!  lolol)

I need to begin with a life lesson.........When it is raining outside don't try to tiptoe in slick shoes to the car!!!!!!!!!  

REMEMBER THAT, WRITE IT DOWN, TAKE A PICTURE...lololol

And you wonder why I am teaching this lesson today??? Because I freakin fell trying to do this!!!! So the question does come to me.......Why in the world would I think tip-toeing in the rain slick ground with slippy shoes is a good idea..... Am I not smarter than this??????? lololol Well according to Samarra this would fit perfectly in her "smartness counter" she has for me..... lol You know as bad as it hurt, i still wished someone filmed it cause i bet i looked so funny!!!!!! But seriously, like it was so fast that I don't even remember the actual fall, just all of a sudden I was on the ground and I thought..WHAT THE HECK??? Of course I popped back up rain pouring down, people running toward me asking if I am ok and I made NO EYE CONTACT and jumped in car.. lol  I couldn't even try and fake I did it on purpose and jump up and put my arms up in the air and say TA_DA!!  LOLOLOL

So, I call my mom of course, she is my own personal doctor ya know... Told her to get the bandages ready and I am headed home....By the time I got home I have blood all down my leg, I couldn't even see my knee or my foot any longer...So it was off to the shower to clean up and then the peroxide hit!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!! Followed by betadine........ not so bad.......... 

BUT why the heck does simple water feel like it is eating a HOLE through my wounds only to come out the other side having eatin all the flesh and bone in between!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry graphic ... BUT What the heck is that?? GRRR

So when all was done, I had three huge band-aids on my knee and two large band-aids on the top of my right foot! And I am wearing the only socks I have that don't hurt around the office with my dress clothes, purple, pink or blue and white striped fluffy socks........I look awesome! Had some ladies in the elevator yesterday look at me and do that internal woman thoughts of OMGosh how unprofessional.... lolol
Yes,  I know they were, cause they looked me up and down with discussed!!!!!! BUT I don't care.. I gave them something to gossip about and maybe they will turn the story by the time it is done on that I was dressed to walk the street!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOL Why do lots of women turn something so small into something so big!!!!! I did not get that gene in my DNA... lolol

So Samarra and I left for her appointment with her behavioral doctor right after I fell and cleaned up..........Dr Kukas.

So as much as I work with Samarra, her ODD is a lot better, but her split second impulse to react or say things has not gotten any better... That is kinda hard to describe, but basically it is she blurts thing out or does thing such as biting me, or saying things to people in public, or responding to a direction from me in very negative ways or inappropriate ways....

Example...Samarra go put up your shoes... before I even get the "go put your shoes" out she has already replied with "no", but right after she is like "I am sorry yes maam."

Or if she is standing and I tell her to do something , before i get it said, she will be picking it up and throwing it.. and she looks at me like i am gonna kill her and says something right away like i didn't mean to do that and she does what i tell her... Same thing when she gets excited or mad she has two separate reactions to almost everything these days.. and that is because she is learning.....She has a LOT of impulse reactions, but then she looks like a deer in headlights and corrects her behavior. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could ALL do this and get away with it at work and in life!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGosh you know and don't deny there are LOTS of times in a week or day you want to respond to something differently then how you are suppose to!!!!!!!!! Maybe it is just me....lololol I better not give examples here.... LOLOLOL

So.........THIS IS GOOD! This means I am making very good progress and she is learning what is acceptable and what is not!!!...... AND she is following my facial cues to a point with out my words!!!!!! This is amazing!!!!!

But it also lead the doctor into suggesting a medication for Samarra which is a stimulant that will help the impulse reactions she has to most everything........

And this is where I am just UPSET!!!!!!!!

OK, Here is the deal, this medicine has these side affects..

This drug is federally controlled substance because it can be abused or lead to dependence..
- sudden death in patients who have heart problems or heart defects.
- Stroke or heart attack
- Increased blood pressure or heart rate
- chest pain
- shortness of breath
- fainting
- behavior or thought problems
- bipolar symptoms
- aggressive behavior or hostility
- hearing voices
- believing things that are not true
- suspicious
- new manic symptoms
- seizures
- eyesight changes, blurred vision
- motion or verbal tics
- slowing of growth
- upper belly pain
- nausea
- dry mouth
- dizziness
- weight loss
- trouble sleeping
- irritability
- decreased appetite
- vomiting

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I think you are probably right where I am at the moment................HECK NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean seriously........She is 7, she is making progress.....So I get bit a few more times, so things get thrown some more, so she talks before she even thinks......She can learn to stop that to don't you think??????????? She does good in a structured environment at school........She has learned when she can and cant talk.....Teacher says she speaks out some and off topic usually, but nothing to hurt others........

So I know it could help her, but I have to go with my gut on this......I cant do it......I just have to step up a bit more and just keep on it.. and even though she corrects her behavior right away, i am going to have to have consequences for impulse reactions.......I know it sucks.. for her and me!!!!! But I think we just need more time......

And call me selfish, but I don't want my decision cause her issues later on in life!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway.. the week was not so bad.. she got to spend it with mimi and miss Jana.. and I stayed home Wed. with the girls and stayed in pj's all day lol Well it was fun for me anyway lol

Samarra has seems like a billion projects to do over spring break, she has had no time for anything almost!!!
birdhouse / bird feeder
science project
read a book and do report
uh-oh.. there is something else and i cant think of it!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well... have a great week!!!

Making a birdhouse, no thumbs got squished!!!!!!!  lol

She is pretty proud and so am I!!

She played in that car for over an hour while I did work outside!!! Yes one of the doors was propped open to not close... geez I wouldn't smother her  lol

OMGosh..........they were all still and quiet!!!

Me AGAIN!..........lol  March 21, 2012

Happy Weekend!!!!!!!!

Aspergers, ODD...... I know I like zombies but i dont want to get bit!!! March 16, 2012

Happy Friday!!!!!

Happy almost St. Patrick's Day!!

I am so happy it is Friday I actually want to cry..........OK, maybe not that extreme, but close!!! Maybe it is cause my throat hurts........I don't know.. lol

I look cute in daddy's hat!!

 So, my throat hurts cause I had to get that test done where they put a camera in your stomach done yesterday.......I was a nervous wreck!!!!!! BUT, like they said, I don't remember NOTHING!!!  I don't know what I took but i need some of that on stand-by!!!!  You forget everything......I could so use that during a meltdown, or a particularly stressful time.. It would be so awesome to just say...........Go for it............Just drama queen it up cause I wont remember a thing in about ....  10.9. 8. 7........ And when I wake up i can pretend everything is awesome!!!!!!!!!!!  I think they need to market it!!!   Well, I think they have and I believe they call it the "date rape" drug, but i swear mine would only be for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  lolol

NO, I do not condone any use of prescription drugs like that guys......... Just for me!  lololol

Anyway, so I was told i would do things I wouldn't remember, so I am glad i was alone after!!!!!!!!!  lol I once went to the kitchen and refrigerator was open..........NOPE don't remember opening it........  lolol Finally i sat my doped up bootay down on the couch and didn't get up in fear i might do something stoooopid and burn down the house or something....... Woke up feeling like I had been on WWE Raw!!!!!!!!!, but I am all good today.. It is a soft food day, I might need to go to the hospital and order the "I have no teeth" menu so my throat doesn't hurt  lololol

OK, so I know your DYING to know about my zombie comment in the title..........True I do like zombie movies, and with the support of my sub-human, Jalaine, I think we are prepared for a zombie attack  lolol
But, when I say I like them, it is not cause I like to get bit!!!!!!!!!

So it is 7:00 a.m. I am walking into babies room to wake her up for the day, I wake her and Samarra comes in and got excited about something............ Let me pause for a moment......... Seriously , there was nothing..I said nothing exciting.. the baby is half asleep.........But something got her excited....

She grabs my right arm and starts jumping up and down and puts her face into my arm and is making this HUGE cheese face and making some kind of noise.........Then it happened ..........She BIT me!!!! I screamed and knocked her away from me and said....... 

SAMARRA!  You bit me!!!!!!!!

She runs off screaming and crying right to the couch which is where she usually goes and puts the blanket over her head and pillow to her face screaming and rocking.........I went on with getting the baby ready......... Samarra starts in with the "I am not even worth breathing air", "Someone should just kill me now", which I HATE.........I know she is sorry......

OK, so I know she didn't do it on purpose, it just happened, but i was so confused on what to do, she got excited, she was not doing something wrong, but she bit me..........I had to call the therapist on this on..........I know........LAME.......... I don't even know what to do with my own child.............BUT.. she made a very good point.........

This is a VERY important life lesson to be learned here and there WAS a consequence for her biting..........What if I got excited at work and bit someone, what would happen??? I would get fired most likely........What if she bit someone at school for any reason, she might get suspended.......... So even though she was happy and excited, biting will get you a consequence..........

So even though I still kinda feel bad for her, I want her to grow emotionally and learn how all her actions will cause a reaction.......I did take away her iPod for a night and she did not like that at all.. But i did tell her that it was only to help her remember to not bite.. I know she was not being "Bad". Cause she was confused as well with the consequence.. she said... I wasn't mad or being mean, it just happened before I knew it...

So that statement can be two things..............Her really not "getting" it, or her trying to manipulate me and try and get out of the consequence...........Either way she still lost the iPod............

Why is it so hard to determine of a 7 year old child who is a master manipulator on when she is playin me or when she is serious??????????????  GGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRR  And of course I am the best target, I am mommy, and want to hold them and love them and protect them and think they never do wrong!  lolol

Boy, is that way off huh????  lololol

Well other than that, we of course went through our normal week........I am not sure if I am getting worse, or if she is just deciding she doesn't mind repercussions. She is so quick mouthed when I say things.........I swear she doesn't have time to even think......So then I am right back in my state of confusion...

I think it has to do with the ODD stuff, she just HAS to at least attempt to do the opposite of EVERY thing you say..... Or say something about someone being sick, she laughs......tell her something exciting to me and she has no response what so ever!  I brought some clothes home that a co-worker had given me for the baby and when I went through them she was MAD and lashed out quite a few times at the baby and me to the point of me having to get on her and make her leave the room.............I am not a mean mom, in anticipation for just that I got Samarra some new summer clothes and I told her I had and we would go through them next........


Got done with babies clothes........Thank you Margaret for the clothes!!!!!!!!!!!!

Started getting Samarra's clothes out and called her in to see them as I got them out.........She showed NO interest at all......I am like honey, isn't this exciting...........She still acts as though nothing...........no emotio at all except 100% not interested.......I call her over to hold something up to her and she says.. I am playing my game i have to get to level........... whatever level it is..........

So , this is selfish, but I thought she might be happy a little, or say thank you...........I was kinda hurt...........Oh well.... I asked her if she liked her clothes and she said........I don't care........ But the whole time i was going through Siahna's clothes she was grabbing them and throwing them..............Whatever......

Guess what????????????  Yup it is that time.. I know it all went by so fast!!!!! I don't think I got my fill of the blog yet, but I must continue the day................WWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

Why is it that sometimes we have to see others problems to realize ours are not so bad????????

SOOOOOOOOOOOO I will be that for you !!!! lolol....If you get confused this next week, smile cause most likely I will be more confused and I can be living proof that someone is worse off then you!!!!!!!!!!!!!  lolol I am just here to help..... I do what I can.. When I can........

Here are some pics from this week........

First off.. 
Remember Samarra on her "I am adopted kick" well lets just look at a few pics of me and her ..

NEED I SAY MORE????, I was even darker than her and well.. fatter too  lolol

The rest are random Siahna, she is a camera HOG these days!!!  lolol

Just adorable!!!  Have you ever seen a more round face???  lol

Gotta have a One-Eyed Jacks hat!!!!  Our little Sturgis girl.. lolol

I got what it takes!!!!!!!

 Have a great day!!!

Aspergers...ODD... More "time-out's" then therapy = meltdown...March 9, 2012

T.G.I.F. !!

 Happy Friday all!!!

So I am not awake yet and my brain of course goes 1000 miles per hour before I wake up, then it slows down to about 100 mph.....

OK so I am a prayin woman and I can not tell you how hard this is......... I start out ok and probably about 10 seconds in, I am thinking about something else, then another, another, another, another and somewhere in there I think........OMGosh I was praying and i try again.......and yet again, lunches, diapers, cleaning, work, something funny, then again... I am like GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR... and try again..... Seriously in like a 10 min time span, I can think of food, kids, work, zombies, cartoons,sky diving, dying from sky diving,  CSI, nachos, clothes for the next day, Twinkies...(I don't know why Twinkies, I don't like them, anyway)... driving , a lot of times anxiety takes over and some kind of stupid scenario of an accident comes in my head, then I am like stop that and back to weekend, twinkie again????... Jalaine, kids, work, zombies again.cleaning, mom, my sisters, my stomach hurts again.what to do this weekend..... And this just keeps going and going!!!!!!!    I think I have ADHD brain!!!!!!  And finally I am like ok, forget it.... I will try again later............ Thank you Jesus and I am done...... I usually throw a Sorry in there...  lolol

I think that is why I am OCD clean also, if i keep busy, my mind does not wonder...OH and I also leave a TV on, even when I am falling asleep with the caption on, so i read it to keep my mind clear. Some might say I need medication, but this does not effect my ability to be organized or get things done, I am quite the opposite..very organized, and always on time. And I can juggle many things at one time, so why???

OK..... On to what I am suppose to use this blog about.. lol Comparatively, this week was pretty good. The iPod is still a big hit, but there is one thing the iPod did not replace and that is........

WHEEL OF FORTUNE!!!!!!!!

LOL, we had two MAJOR breakdowns this week due to that show.... So I was watching Blues Clues with the baby in my room cleaning up and I didn't watch the time........ SOOOOOO it is time for the show.....Samarra comes in and turns the channel to it...............Baby is screaming, I tell her .. honey don't change it like that, it is almost over let all finish it and we will turn it over there.....

Samarra: We cant, it is 6:30 right now, we have to watch Wheel of Fortune...
Me: Honey we have like 3 minutes left and we can turn it.. we will only miss the introductions..........
Samarra: It is 6:30 NOW
Me: yes, I know and it will be done in a minute..
Me: trying to get remote back to change back to Blues Clues, baby still screaming.....She has great Lungs.. Thank you Jesus  lolol
Samarra: I am not giving it to you, we always watch wheel of fortune!
ME: Give it to me now!  Not yelling, just the angry mommy face, which i am not sure but i think it is scary!
Samarra: Throws it across the room, yelling we need to watch it.... We always watch it....  as she progressive in her disconnect
Me: Sigh..........turns back to Blues Clues....... Baby not crying........Samarra flipping out.

I SERIOUSLY hate it when I have to decide which one gets to cry........But obviously this one had to be, to let Samarra know she does not control everything.

Samarra....grabbing the pillow and kicking and screaming and crying.....
Me: Why are you doing that?  Calm as a cucumber...
Samarra: No response now.........disconnect.....

Guess what Blues Clues is over and her baby sister is trying to hand her the remote and........she is still disconnected.......baby gets upset and is crying........And mommy takes the baby out of the room, goes to living room....which in my HUGE house is like right outside the bedroom door  lol and turn on the show.......

Oh what... 10 min later Samarra walks out and starts guessing the puzzle....... like nothing happened.. Siahna says.........Sissy better now?  I say yes, and the night goes on......

And I will say again............WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY  lololol

So honestly that was not so big, we have reverted back to verbal time cues from Samarra.... HEY and GUESS WHAT!!!! it is still just annoying now as it was when she did it before!!!!!!!   lololol  But I am one up on her this time........EVIL LAUGH......... I am already programmed most of the time to not say just a minute, or in a second....... And I have been giving her times that make no sense..........But of course I get called on that too, but it is much more fun  lol

Sometimes I have too much fun with it...........I wonder if that is damaging her???  hummmmmmmmmm Well I don't know but it makes it better for me  lolol

Had another similar breakdown this week but it involved Daddy and daddy not being able to watch, so that one was kind of two fold for her.........We survived that one too....= )

Oh and one other.. Monday Night Samarra was not feeling well and lets say NOTHING made her happy......Poor baby= (  She fell asleep by like 6:45 and slept all night..........= (  Stooooopid allergies!

Fell asleep crying..I think it was cause I wouldn't go get her a cake???  What is that??....but stayed asleep.. = (

Therapy was on Wed. of this week, the therapist is being very strict with Samarra in that she must participate and not go crazy and act out when we are playing games on emotions and feelings.......Well Samarra is VERY uncomfortable during this time and she would much rather go into "the zone" or disconnect from all reality during this time like I have mentioned and if she does not, she must take a "time-out" right outside the door while we talk...... So this past week we are talking and really it is not a therapy session like one thinks when you think therapist...... We are learning to recognize emotions and facial expressions and how we respond to them properly......


So Samarra HATES being alone, that is why I got my Bathroom buddy, Kitchen buddy, Shower buddy and so on......... Mommy does not like this kind of buddy!!!!!!!  lolol  So she comes back in and we begin again, of course discussing why she was out there cause she acts like she has no clue at all....... And with in a couple minutes, She is right back out.........I think maybe she was in the room 30 min this time and she was not happy, but the last thirty minutes were the best...

OK, honest time.......When we are in public and I never know what she is going to say out loud, I get uncomfortable and embarrassed at times and I feel horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!!  And others don't like her, SOOOOOOO I think it better to be uncomfortable now and be able to survive socially later......... Just my opinion.= )

OH we did set a new rule, When we go to a restaurant and the waitress/waiter takes more time than Samarra thinks they should in helping us and blurts out one of her.. "Your not very good at your job".. or "you need more training"  things.. she will NOT get any of the food we ordered for her or our food and she will have a peanut butter sandwich when she gets home........

Well I told her about it and her response to it as it is to all things like that.. I don't care, i like peanut butter......But we will see how she really reacts when it happens........ Now we may have a total breakdown in the restaurant, but I have put it off long enough..........Time to overcome public problems too= )  UMMMMM NO I wont do it alone.....I will make sure my momma is there to lay the smack down on her!!!!!!!!!  Yes, momma still needs her momma... lolol

This will actually teach me how to not kill people in public too........Cause I promise you, it will not be the meltdown that sets me off, it is going to be some dumb person that says something stupid to me...........OMGosh I feel the heat coming on already!!!!!!!!!!!!  DEEP BREATH  caaallllmmmm.....   Wait there wont be anyone there to not keep me from it......Well, maybe if I try to kill someone it will snap Samarra out of her meltdown and can do it... lolol   I am JUST KIDDING I would NEVER event hit anyone... I don't think..........But I got a mouth on me at times.. So I might get hit..........  lolol

Wish me luck!!!!!!

Random pics from last week.......Oh well one is from my nightmare visit to Victoria Secrets on SALE day.. which I didn't know as sale day.. Siahna had to have been higher than a kite smellin all the "fume" as she calls it.. lolol

Nothing.. just me this week.. lol

Me and honey bunnies= ) Why is it so hard to keep clothes on babies!  lol

ummm  Girls on swing.. what am I suppose to write, besides Samarra not wanting pic... lol

AWWWWWW  they were saying.. I am QUEEN OF THE WORLD!!!  Like that stump really takes them higher than that what 8 inches off the ground  lololol

LOOK...........She is calm!!!!!!!

And Samarra studying statistics in the Bible again........ and Siahna skishin her.. lol

Siahna at school ......awwww

She is ready to SHOP by God!!!

She has this new thing.. wants to eat in stroller????????  ummm OK.....  Why not..

She ready for a pageant!  Oh well with out the make-up, wigs, and fake nails ya know... lol

Just awwwww

Gettin the hang of the iPod........yes, no pants again...

Smellin the "fume"........lol

Have a great weekend and week!!!!!

Apergers....ODD....... Evil face.......Happy face....March 1, 2012

Thursday................

I thought it was Friday and now I have to come backwards in my thoughts!!!!!!!!!!   I HATE THAT!!

BUT....... Here is something you cant help but smile to!!!! Enjoy this video, even though it is horrible quality!!! ... AWWW

 Click here: Siahna singing... AWWWWWWWWWW

I simply thought i went through one of those time warp moments I have this week. = ( Apparently the warp machine needs new batteries dangit!  I still wish that was real though...lolol SEE I do know what is reality and what is not! I just choose to like non reality  lol

Samarra went skating!!!!!!!!!!!!  WHOOP WHOOP.........She didn't scream at the top of her lungs this time..."I AM GOING TO DIE!" and say she needed to go home to do chores... lolol

 Well ok, lets say momma carried her while she tried, but if you ask her she did it..........It was like the whole time the dosser men were  grabbing my spine and twisting it up!!!!!....Please tell me you know wha ta doozer is.... For the longest time i thought i dreamed them up!!! No one knew what I was talking about!!!   Thank you God for Google and getting proof I am not insane..........!!!!!!!  lol

Doozers!!!

 ANYWAY again.........OMGosh i was in pain!!!  LOL funny part though is after we went back to carpet, she was mad at me!!!!!  lolol She is all.. DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!! She started to say.. "Or I will Kill you".. but she got halfway in to the "KI" and she stopped and said...........OH yea I am not supposed to say that............  lolol       AWWW  my baby only thinks about killing me now instead of saying it  lololol  SEE PROGRESS!!!

AND the fun is over..........

I wouldn't say ALL of the fun and happy was over, but I am telling ya, i think the good week last week was just to prepare me for this past week............It was CRYFEST 2012 in my house a few times this past week and when that happens I cant do anything..............Samarra goes off into a complete meltdown cause the baby is crying and the baby cries more cause Samarra gets so crazy, I think it scares her...........And the thing is.. I have no idea why it starts sometimes............We are all laying on the bed, and all of a sudden Samarra jumps up screaming and crying and the baby starts and i just lay there, I think maybe I am in shock or something...........

Go ahead and call me a bad mother, but i just finally after trying to stop it, I walked away....My tummy gets all twisted up like a F4 twister just hit and i feel nauseated!!!!!!!!!!!........the baby of course followed me and kept crying for a bit, i did pick her up, and Samarra quit after a while..........lots of hate speech in that one, but then it was over.. the light switch got flipped I guess..  ??? Who knows..............I did ask her what happened and she said she was falling...I am not for sure but she was tired and kept almost falling asleep, I think she fell asleep and had that falling dream.. you know what I am talkin about where you just fall asleep and them like jerk wake up???  Maybe that is just me???  lolol  But I think she got scared actually and was freaked out so went into instant freak mode!!

The other times were SO my fault of course...........I didn't get juice on time.............And again I say... HOW COULD I BE SO CRUEL!!!  lolol

So we went to the therapist and she has told me I really really need to contact her behavioral doctor Dr. Kukas and talk about her medicine, cause I don't know if it is because she is getting older, but She felt so bad for Samarra............She said that she hated seeing her struggle like she is..........She cant keep still for anything and her eye contact has deteriorated to almost none!  She is constantly moving, cant stay on topic even for a 10 seconds..........  I guess i didn't see it much, cause I am with her on the weekends, but we dont do alot to stay on topic really.......... So I feel bad= (  

She talked with Samarra bout it and she is not dumb, so if your reading this for the first time, she can have probably a more intelligent conversation than a lot of adults, but she is 7.... So she says to the therapist... it is hard to do all the things your suppose to do when your brain wants to do so much!!!!!  How did I NOT notice even her hand constantly moving almost ......... So we have an appt. with her Doctor soon....

So I have found something that I believe can actually entertain Samarra for hours and hours and hours where she never even speaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  YES, I realize this is not a good thing.. BUT I HAVE AMMO NOW!!!!!!!

Her notebook she had was messing up so it got taken back to Best Buy and since the iPod was only $40 bucks more, she got it..... The parental controls are set to 9 years old and under so she doesn't get everything but she can do whatever she wants in that.. OH and no CC was added to it  lolol  The first day she had to use it was Sunday...


HEY.. that is why I don't remember Sunday!!!!!!!!!! I seriously did not even almost interact with her.. I know Horrible mommy!!!  BAD BAD.. but I did get the house clean, laundry.. no yelling, no fighting........

OK, now i just realized I may have an addiction to Samarra playing the iPod and that using it as ammo will just put me back in defense mode...................LOLOL  OH Wait this is suppose to be about her.. not me   hahahaha

Ok, so anyway. I actually have something that I believe will help me teach her things by not doing things properly I will restrict the use of it...  YAY......Happy Dance.!!!!!!!!!!!.... I hope it works cause everything else, she is like I don't care, and says something technical or something...... WEIRD!!!... I will let y'all know how that works.

So I said I would tell y'all why Samarra thinks she is adopted..........And seriously .. she thinks she is.. She is asking for proof of her being mine and maybe she was switched at the hospital........... She keeps on and it is makin me MAD!!!!!!!   She thinks cause our hair is different, and our skin isn't the same and the ultimate one...........how she is so much smarter than us.........

SIGH.........You know, i cant tell you how much this upsets me.. I mean you know it is hard to be "close" to her and now she adds this in......... I just want a close mommy/daughter moment so bad....  yea i have told you is always huggin up on me and stuff, but the problem is.. she does that to make me mad!   I don't ever get to hold her and it be just a nice loving emotional moment... If I try, she starts all that disconnecting crap............  UGGGGGGGGGGG

OK anyway, poor me  I had a self pitty moment.. but I am back now= )  She is who she is and I love her!!!

Emotional talk moment...............Samarra: Mom, what does it feel like to be normal?   I said honey no one is normal.. we are all different........How boring would it be if we all were exactly the same huh??  She says.. well true, but i wonder what it feels like to have emotions like everyone else does..... ........ I didn't want to get all serious.. So I just said.. you will = )

Well I am going to get to this day and get the kids goin!!!

Me on March 1, 2012

Jessie and Samarra..................I love them so much!!..Jessie - my Sub-humans daughter, so kind alike one of mine= )

Samarra and Rhi Rhi skating.....  cant you tell they are having fun!!!  lol

Have a GREAT DAY!!!