Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, March 23, 2012

Aspergers...ODD.......I hate making these decisions, when my gut tells me NO! March 23, 2012

Happy Happy Friday...Happy Happy Friday! 

(Done to the conga song, just FYI so you can join in so I don't look so stupid!  lolol)

I need to begin with a life lesson.........When it is raining outside don't try to tiptoe in slick shoes to the car!!!!!!!!!  


And you wonder why I am teaching this lesson today??? Because I freakin fell trying to do this!!!! So the question does come to me.......Why in the world would I think tip-toeing in the rain slick ground with slippy shoes is a good idea..... Am I not smarter than this??????? lololol Well according to Samarra this would fit perfectly in her "smartness counter" she has for me..... lol You know as bad as it hurt, i still wished someone filmed it cause i bet i looked so funny!!!!!! But seriously, like it was so fast that I don't even remember the actual fall, just all of a sudden I was on the ground and I thought..WHAT THE HECK??? Of course I popped back up rain pouring down, people running toward me asking if I am ok and I made NO EYE CONTACT and jumped in car.. lol  I couldn't even try and fake I did it on purpose and jump up and put my arms up in the air and say TA_DA!!  LOLOLOL

So, I call my mom of course, she is my own personal doctor ya know... Told her to get the bandages ready and I am headed home....By the time I got home I have blood all down my leg, I couldn't even see my knee or my foot any longer...So it was off to the shower to clean up and then the peroxide hit!!!!!!!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH !!!!!!!!!! Followed by betadine........ not so bad.......... 

BUT why the heck does simple water feel like it is eating a HOLE through my wounds only to come out the other side having eatin all the flesh and bone in between!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sorry graphic ... BUT What the heck is that?? GRRR

So when all was done, I had three huge band-aids on my knee and two large band-aids on the top of my right foot! And I am wearing the only socks I have that don't hurt around the office with my dress clothes, purple, pink or blue and white striped fluffy socks........I look awesome! Had some ladies in the elevator yesterday look at me and do that internal woman thoughts of OMGosh how unprofessional.... lolol
Yes,  I know they were, cause they looked me up and down with discussed!!!!!! BUT I don't care.. I gave them something to gossip about and maybe they will turn the story by the time it is done on that I was dressed to walk the street!!!!!!!!!!!! LOLOLOLOL Why do lots of women turn something so small into something so big!!!!! I did not get that gene in my DNA... lolol

So Samarra and I left for her appointment with her behavioral doctor right after I fell and cleaned up..........Dr Kukas.

So as much as I work with Samarra, her ODD is a lot better, but her split second impulse to react or say things has not gotten any better... That is kinda hard to describe, but basically it is she blurts thing out or does thing such as biting me, or saying things to people in public, or responding to a direction from me in very negative ways or inappropriate ways....

Example...Samarra go put up your shoes... before I even get the "go put your shoes" out she has already replied with "no", but right after she is like "I am sorry yes maam."

Or if she is standing and I tell her to do something , before i get it said, she will be picking it up and throwing it.. and she looks at me like i am gonna kill her and says something right away like i didn't mean to do that and she does what i tell her... Same thing when she gets excited or mad she has two separate reactions to almost everything these days.. and that is because she is learning.....She has a LOT of impulse reactions, but then she looks like a deer in headlights and corrects her behavior. Wouldn't it be awesome if we could ALL do this and get away with it at work and in life!!!!!!!!!!!! OMGosh you know and don't deny there are LOTS of times in a week or day you want to respond to something differently then how you are suppose to!!!!!!!!! Maybe it is just me....lololol I better not give examples here.... LOLOLOL

So.........THIS IS GOOD! This means I am making very good progress and she is learning what is acceptable and what is not!!!...... AND she is following my facial cues to a point with out my words!!!!!! This is amazing!!!!!

But it also lead the doctor into suggesting a medication for Samarra which is a stimulant that will help the impulse reactions she has to most everything........

And this is where I am just UPSET!!!!!!!!

OK, Here is the deal, this medicine has these side affects..

This drug is federally controlled substance because it can be abused or lead to dependence..
- sudden death in patients who have heart problems or heart defects.
- Stroke or heart attack
- Increased blood pressure or heart rate
- chest pain
- shortness of breath
- fainting
- behavior or thought problems
- bipolar symptoms
- aggressive behavior or hostility
- hearing voices
- believing things that are not true
- suspicious
- new manic symptoms
- seizures
- eyesight changes, blurred vision
- motion or verbal tics
- slowing of growth
- upper belly pain
- nausea
- dry mouth
- dizziness
- weight loss
- trouble sleeping
- irritability
- decreased appetite
- vomiting

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I think you are probably right where I am at the moment................HECK NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean seriously........She is 7, she is making progress.....So I get bit a few more times, so things get thrown some more, so she talks before she even thinks......She can learn to stop that to don't you think??????????? She does good in a structured environment at school........She has learned when she can and cant talk.....Teacher says she speaks out some and off topic usually, but nothing to hurt others........

So I know it could help her, but I have to go with my gut on this......I cant do it......I just have to step up a bit more and just keep on it.. and even though she corrects her behavior right away, i am going to have to have consequences for impulse reactions.......I know it sucks.. for her and me!!!!! But I think we just need more time......

And call me selfish, but I don't want my decision cause her issues later on in life!!!!!!!!!!

Anyway.. the week was not so bad.. she got to spend it with mimi and miss Jana.. and I stayed home Wed. with the girls and stayed in pj's all day lol Well it was fun for me anyway lol

Samarra has seems like a billion projects to do over spring break, she has had no time for anything almost!!!
birdhouse / bird feeder
science project
read a book and do report
uh-oh.. there is something else and i cant think of it!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh well... have a great week!!!

Making a birdhouse, no thumbs got squished!!!!!!!  lol

She is pretty proud and so am I!!

She played in that car for over an hour while I did work outside!!! Yes one of the doors was propped open to not close... geez I wouldn't smother her  lol

OMGosh..........they were all still and quiet!!!

Me AGAIN!  March 21, 2012
Happy Weekend!!!!!!!!


  1. I vote no with you. If she starts hearing voices, it would not work out well for anyone. They can find something else.

  2. I am more awake and now mad. So the Dr want to take the chance of making Samarra insane because she has impulse control issues? Samarra is right when she thinks that the sever at the resturant is not good at their job if they cant figure out how to get things to the table correctly and on time. How many adults would really love to be able to say what she says. She has never said ONE single thing to me to offend me because she either is telling me the truth about something, has a question that she wants answered or wants my attention on something. I know she will not be able to be that way with everyone and she will have to learn social clues, but she is learning them. I know you are not going to put her on the medication, it just really really pisses me of that someone would even suggest it. Once again if everyone would just accept that the world revolves around Samarra and myself and just to what we say, when we say it everything would be easier on everyone.

  3. Hi I’m Heather! Please email me when you get a chance! I have a question about your blog. HeatherVonsj(at)gmail(dot)com