Diary of an Asperger's Mom: Aspergers...ODD... More "time-out's" then therapy = meltdown...March 9, 2012

T.G.I.F. !!

Happy Friday all!!!

So I am not awake yet and my brain of course goes 1000 miles per hour before I wake up, then it slows down to about 100 mph.....

OK so I am a prayin woman and I can not tell you how hard this is......... I start out ok and probably about 10 seconds in, I am thinking about something else, then another, another, another, another and somewhere in there I think........OMGosh I was praying and i try again.......and yet again, lunches, diapers, cleaning, work, something funny, then again... I am like GGGGGGRRRRRRRRR... and try again..... Seriously in like a 10 min time span, I can think of food, kids, work, zombies, cartoons,sky diving, dying from sky diving, CSI, nachos, clothes for the next day, Twinkies...(I don't know why Twinkies, I don't like them, anyway)... driving , a lot of times anxiety takes over and some kind of stupid scenario of an accident comes in my head, then I am like stop that and back to weekend, twinkie again????... Jalaine, kids, work, zombies again.cleaning, mom, my sisters, my stomach hurts again.what to do this weekend..... And this just keeps going and going!!!!!!! I think I have ADHD brain!!!!!! And finally I am like ok, forget it.... I will try again later............ Thank you Jesus and I am done...... I usually throw a Sorry in there... lolol

I think that is why I am OCD clean also, if i keep busy, my mind does not wonder...OH and I also leave a TV on, even when I am falling asleep with the caption on, so i read it to keep my mind clear. Some might say I need medication, but this does not effect my ability to be organized or get things done, I am quite the opposite..very organized, and always on time. And I can juggle many things at one time, so why???

OK..... On to what I am suppose to use this blog about.. lol Comparatively, this week was pretty good. The iPod is still a big hit, but there is one thing the iPod did not replace and that is........

WHEEL OF FORTUNE!!!!!!!!

LOL, we had two MAJOR breakdowns this week due to that show.... So I was watching Blues Clues with the baby in my room cleaning up and I didn't watch the time........ SOOOOOO it is time for the show.....Samarra comes in and turns the channel to it...............Baby is screaming, I tell her .. honey don't change it like that, it is almost over let all finish it and we will turn it over there.....

Samarra: We cant, it is 6:30 right now, we have to watch Wheel of Fortune...
Me: Honey we have like 3 minutes left and we can turn it.. we will only miss the introductions..........
Samarra: It is 6:30 NOW
Me: yes, I know and it will be done in a minute..
Me: trying to get remote back to change back to Blues Clues, baby still screaming.....She has great Lungs.. Thank you Jesus lolol
Samarra: I am not giving it to you, we always watch wheel of fortune!
ME: Give it to me now! Not yelling, just the angry mommy face, which i am not sure but i think it is scary!
Samarra: Throws it across the room, yelling we need to watch it.... We always watch it.... as she progressive in her disconnect
Me: Sigh..........turns back to Blues Clues....... Baby not crying........Samarra flipping out.

I SERIOUSLY hate it when I have to decide which one gets to cry........But obviously this one had to be, to let Samarra know she does not control everything.

Samarra....grabbing the pillow and kicking and screaming and crying.....
Me: Why are you doing that? Calm as a cucumber...
Samarra: No response now.........disconnect.....

Guess what Blues Clues is over and her baby sister is trying to hand her the remote and........she is still disconnected.......baby gets upset and is crying........And mommy takes the baby out of the room, goes to living room....which in my HUGE house is like right outside the bedroom door lol and turn on the show.......

Oh what... 10 min later Samarra walks out and starts guessing the puzzle....... like nothing happened.. Siahna says.........Sissy better now? I say yes, and the night goes on......

And I will say again............WWWWWWWWWWWWHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYY lololol

So honestly that was not so big, we have reverted back to verbal time cues from Samarra.... HEY and GUESS WHAT!!!! it is still just annoying now as it was when she did it before!!!!!!! lololol But I am one up on her this time........EVIL LAUGH......... I am already programmed most of the time to not say just a minute, or in a second....... And I have been giving her times that make no sense..........But of course I get called on that too, but it is much more fun lol

Sometimes I have too much fun with it...........I wonder if that is damaging her??? hummmmmmmmmm Well I don't know but it makes it better for me lolol

Had another similar breakdown this week but it involved Daddy and daddy not being able to watch, so that one was kind of two fold for her.........We survived that one too....= )

Oh and one other.. Monday Night Samarra was not feeling well and lets say NOTHING made her happy......Poor baby= ( She fell asleep by like 6:45 and slept all night..........= ( Stooooopid allergies!

Fell asleep crying..I think it was cause I wouldn't go get her a cake??? What is that??....but stayed asleep.. = (

Therapy was on Wed. of this week, the therapist is being very strict with Samarra in that she must participate and not go crazy and act out when we are playing games on emotions and feelings.......Well Samarra is VERY uncomfortable during this time and she would much rather go into "the zone" or disconnect from all reality during this time like I have mentioned and if she does not, she must take a "time-out" right outside the door while we talk...... So this past week we are talking and really it is not a therapy session like one thinks when you think therapist...... We are learning to recognize emotions and facial expressions and how we respond to them properly......

So Samarra HATES being alone, that is why I got my Bathroom buddy, Kitchen buddy, Shower buddy and so on......... Mommy does not like this kind of buddy!!!!!!! lolol So she comes back in and we begin again, of course discussing why she was out there cause she acts like she has no clue at all....... And with in a couple minutes, She is right back out.........I think maybe she was in the room 30 min this time and she was not happy, but the last thirty minutes were the best...

OK, honest time.......When we are in public and I never know what she is going to say out loud, I get uncomfortable and embarrassed at times and I feel horrible!!!!!!!!!!!!! And others don't like her, SOOOOOOO I think it better to be uncomfortable now and be able to survive socially later......... Just my opinion.= )

OH we did set a new rule, When we go to a restaurant and the waitress/waiter takes more time than Samarra thinks they should in helping us and blurts out one of her.. "Your not very good at your job".. or "you need more training" things.. she will NOT get any of the food we ordered for her or our food and she will have a peanut butter sandwich when she gets home........

Well I told her about it and her response to it as it is to all things like that.. I don't care, i like peanut butter......But we will see how she really reacts when it happens........ Now we may have a total breakdown in the restaurant, but I have put it off long enough..........Time to overcome public problems too= ) UMMMMM NO I wont do it alone.....I will make sure my momma is there to lay the smack down on her!!!!!!!!! Yes, momma still needs her momma... lolol

This will actually teach me how to not kill people in public too........Cause I promise you, it will not be the meltdown that sets me off, it is going to be some dumb person that says something stupid to me...........OMGosh I feel the heat coming on already!!!!!!!!!!!! DEEP BREATH caaallllmmmm..... Wait there wont be anyone there to not keep me from it......Well, maybe if I try to kill someone it will snap Samarra out of her meltdown and can do it... lolol I am JUST KIDDING I would NEVER event hit anyone... I don't think..........But I got a mouth on me at times.. So I might get hit.......... lolol

Wish me luck!!!!!!

Random pics from last week.......Oh well one is from my nightmare visit to Victoria Secrets on SALE day.. which I didn't know as sale day.. Siahna had to have been higher than a kite smellin all the "fume" as she calls it.. lolol