Diary of an Asperger's Mom: Apergers....ODD....... Evil face.......Happy face....March 1, 2012

Thursday................

I thought it was Friday and now I have to come backwards in my thoughts!!!!!!!!!! I HATE THAT!!

BUT....... Here is something you cant help but smile to!!!! Enjoy this video, even though it is horrible quality!!! ... AWWW

Click here: Siahna singing... AWWWWWWWWWW

I simply thought i went through one of those time warp moments I have this week. = ( Apparently the warp machine needs new batteries dangit! I still wish that was real though...lolol SEE I do know what is reality and what is not! I just choose to like non reality lol

Samarra went skating!!!!!!!!!!!! WHOOP WHOOP.........She didn't scream at the top of her lungs this time..."I AM GOING TO DIE!" and say she needed to go home to do chores... lolol

Well ok, lets say momma carried her while she tried, but if you ask her she did it..........It was like the whole time the dosser men were grabbing my spine and twisting it up!!!!!....Please tell me you know wha ta doozer is.... For the longest time i thought i dreamed them up!!! No one knew what I was talking about!!! Thank you God for Google and getting proof I am not insane..........!!!!!!! lol

Doozers!!!

ANYWAY again.........OMGosh i was in pain!!! LOL funny part though is after we went back to carpet, she was mad at me!!!!! lolol She is all.. DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN!!!! She started to say.. "Or I will Kill you".. but she got halfway in to the "KI" and she stopped and said...........OH yea I am not supposed to say that............ lolol       AWWW my baby only thinks about killing me now instead of saying it lololol SEE PROGRESS!!!

AND the fun is over..........

I wouldn't say ALL of the fun and happy was over, but I am telling ya, i think the good week last week was just to prepare me for this past week............It was CRYFEST 2012 in my house a few times this past week and when that happens I cant do anything..............Samarra goes off into a complete meltdown cause the baby is crying and the baby cries more cause Samarra gets so crazy, I think it scares her...........And the thing is.. I have no idea why it starts sometimes............We are all laying on the bed, and all of a sudden Samarra jumps up screaming and crying and the baby starts and i just lay there, I think maybe I am in shock or something...........

Go ahead and call me a bad mother, but i just finally after trying to stop it, I walked away....My tummy gets all twisted up like a F4 twister just hit and i feel nauseated!!!!!!!!!!!........the baby of course followed me and kept crying for a bit, i did pick her up, and Samarra quit after a while..........lots of hate speech in that one, but then it was over.. the light switch got flipped I guess.. ??? Who knows..............I did ask her what happened and she said she was falling...I am not for sure but she was tired and kept almost falling asleep, I think she fell asleep and had that falling dream.. you know what I am talkin about where you just fall asleep and them like jerk wake up??? Maybe that is just me??? lolol But I think she got scared actually and was freaked out so went into instant freak mode!!

The other times were SO my fault of course...........I didn't get juice on time.............And again I say... HOW COULD I BE SO CRUEL!!! lolol

So we went to the therapist and she has told me I really really need to contact her behavioral doctor Dr. Kukas and talk about her medicine, cause I don't know if it is because she is getting older, but She felt so bad for Samarra............She said that she hated seeing her struggle like she is..........She cant keep still for anything and her eye contact has deteriorated to almost none! She is constantly moving, cant stay on topic even for a 10 seconds.......... I guess i didn't see it much, cause I am with her on the weekends, but we dont do alot to stay on topic really.......... So I feel bad= (

She talked with Samarra bout it and she is not dumb, so if your reading this for the first time, she can have probably a more intelligent conversation than a lot of adults, but she is 7.... So she says to the therapist... it is hard to do all the things your suppose to do when your brain wants to do so much!!!!! How did I NOT notice even her hand constantly moving almost ......... So we have an appt. with her Doctor soon....

So I have found something that I believe can actually entertain Samarra for hours and hours and hours where she never even speaks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YES, I realize this is not a good thing.. BUT I HAVE AMMO NOW!!!!!!!

Her notebook she had was messing up so it got taken back to Best Buy and since the iPod was only $40 bucks more, she got it..... The parental controls are set to 9 years old and under so she doesn't get everything but she can do whatever she wants in that.. OH and no CC was added to it lolol The first day she had to use it was Sunday...

HEY.. that is why I don't remember Sunday!!!!!!!!!! I seriously did not even almost interact with her.. I know Horrible mommy!!! BAD BAD.. but I did get the house clean, laundry.. no yelling, no fighting........

OK, now i just realized I may have an addiction to Samarra playing the iPod and that using it as ammo will just put me back in defense mode...................LOLOL OH Wait this is suppose to be about her.. not me   hahahaha

Ok, so anyway. I actually have something that I believe will help me teach her things by not doing things properly I will restrict the use of it... YAY......Happy Dance.!!!!!!!!!!!.... I hope it works cause everything else, she is like I don't care, and says something technical or something...... WEIRD!!!... I will let y'all know how that works.

So I said I would tell y'all why Samarra thinks she is adopted..........And seriously .. she thinks she is.. She is asking for proof of her being mine and maybe she was switched at the hospital........... She keeps on and it is makin me MAD!!!!!!!   She thinks cause our hair is different, and our skin isn't the same and the ultimate one...........how she is so much smarter than us.........

SIGH.........You know, i cant tell you how much this upsets me.. I mean you know it is hard to be "close" to her and now she adds this in......... I just want a close mommy/daughter moment so bad.... yea i have told you is always huggin up on me and stuff, but the problem is.. she does that to make me mad!   I don't ever get to hold her and it be just a nice loving emotional moment... If I try, she starts all that disconnecting crap............ UGGGGGGGGGGG

OK anyway, poor me I had a self pitty moment.. but I am back now= ) She is who she is and I love her!!!

Emotional talk moment...............Samarra: Mom, what does it feel like to be normal?   I said honey no one is normal.. we are all different........How boring would it be if we all were exactly the same huh?? She says.. well true, but i wonder what it feels like to have emotions like everyone else does..... ........ I didn't want to get all serious.. So I just said.. you will = )

Well I am going to get to this day and get the kids goin!!!