Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, February 24, 2012

Aspergers...ODD.... SSSHHH !!! Dont let Samarra hear you!! Feb. 24, 2012

Happy Friday!!! 

As I do the happy Friday dance.....   Yes, I really do stupid dances around my house= )


Don't tell Samarra, but this week has been pretty good!!!!! 

HALLELUJAH !!! HALLELUJAH !!!HALLELUJAH !!!  LOLOL I can keep going if you would like  lol  That song I believe is ongoing forever...........lolol .....But you get the jest...  HALLELUJAH!!!!!!  = )

Like, at times like these I want to just drop to the ground and just cry........WHY??? Cause I feel kind of like I have finally done something right..........OK< OK.. I did nothing different actually, but I think the angels came down and did something to intervene to give me a break or something for realz!!  BUT I want to think it was me by God............lolol .........Sooooo I am going to have my own praise party!  Go momma Go momma!!!

We of course did deal with normal Samarra things and I would like to think we make progress.......I still have 11 years before she might be on her own.. so small steps are good....

We are working still on emotions.. lol and she has started asking me what emotions I had at work that day every day.. which is good because it is teaching her that emotions are normal and like the therapist said I am focusing on not just positive I will give one of each..........

WHO KNEW we had so many different emotions in one day!!  NO Wonder she is all freaked out and doesn't want to deal with them or deals with them in the wrong way!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Whew it is not easy being human!!!!!!!!  lololol See I still say being a zombie is great.. I am pretty sure they have one emotion..........HUNGER........ok, so it is for human flesh, but still  LOLOLOL  Why am I such a dork......

Anyway!!!  We went to the dentist this week and this is usually a complete nightmare and i usually refuse to take her, but her daddy couldn't this week..........So mommy had to= (.........I was a nervous wreck!!!!!! Samarra was a nervous wreck..........I had very high anxiety, i thought quite a few times......"I cant do this." See the last time I did, i got kicked in the face, the dentist almost got knocked out, ALL personnel has to be on duty and ready to hold her down and I keep expecting them to dismiss us as patients........Did I mention this is just to look at her teeth????????????????????

OH no to clean them or do anything  we actually have to sedate her!!!!!!!!!!!!!  That just seems so extreme!!!!! We actually had to schedule surgery at the hospital and her be put completely under to have some work done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!       And like everything else, once they stop touching her, it just stops and she will look at me and say.. "DID I DO A GOOD JOB?"      UMMMMMMMMMMM  what am I suppose to answer to that?????  I don't want to yell at her, I don't want her to think she is bad. She obviously somehow thinks she did good...................................CONFUSION is the name of the game sometimes......

Well this time she got a bit aggressive to wear the Assistant had to grab her arm and hold her in place and request assistant from another, and she did try to bite, but that's it.......the dentist looked at her teeth and she was perfect!!!!!!! YAY!!!!  I took her to sonic like I said i would even though I KNEW my body would feel like i just put a live volcano inside of me with even one bite of it......... Why the heck does sonic food feel like it just is chillin in my stomach for DAYS just tearing holes in me from the inside out...AND that was just with a couple tator tots!!  uggg

OOPS...........When I said that a thought came to mind, and those of you who know me........KNOW.......I say what i think almost ALWAYS.......and I feel the need.. the need to speak.... OMGosh I am so dumb lol See how my brain works... I think my stupid thoughts keep me sane actually.... Takes the serious out..

OK, I am only human..........I am not perfect..........Samarra is NOT like your child.....She does NOT "catch" on to things like another child.......Please DON'T judge my parenting skills........DON'T tell me what "I should do". Don't treat my daughter differently because you think she is a bad child..

I feel a little bit better now, I only thought it cause I have experienced that a bit this week and it was meant with all care for me, but our situation changes almost daily....we work on one things and another shows up........these things to her are not learned over night..........When I was a child.. I would do something, my mother would punish me and I would not do a lot of the stuff ever again cause I did not want to get in trouble like that again.. Samarra does not associate all actions with consequences and I don't even recognize some things as needing consequences......

Here is a little Samarra words for ya.... Kinda sad, kinda not, but kinda sad again..

Mother.... What?.........I am pretty sure that God created me to be a person of great importance..........Oh yea??.........Yea, cause it seems all the really important people who do great things for others aren't liked very well until they do whatever it is and die, then everyone loves them.......So I think that will be me when I am dead..

I just told her, that I know God has an awesome plan for her and that she has so many people that love her right now that she doesn't even have to wait!!!!!
And............. then she got all excited and started flopping around and jumping like a mad woman. and i just looked at her and thought..........OMGOSH lololololol

Oh did I tell you she thinks she is adopted.... I will elaborate on that next time!!!

Have a great safe weekend and I will be back next week with the continuation of the nsaneaspiemom saga.... lololol

Samarra and Grandpa at the restaurant Salt Grass

Samarra and Nanna.. at the same restaurant  lol

My cheezer weezer

UMMM , can you say minni me.. or him rather  lol???

This one is my minni me= )

Girls freeze dancing... lolol

Have a GREAT Day!!!

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