Diary of an Asperger's Mom: Aspergers, ODD.. Did i say ODD?? God chose me for my children!May 11, 2012

Happy Friday!!!

Happy almost Mother's Day!!!

For those of you who don't know.. I am going to share.. There was a time when i thought I would never have kids....When i was nine years old my body decided to become a woman...........Let me tell you.. THAT was one of the scariest moments of my life.. My older sisters might have been prepared.. but me.. 9... NO... it was too early! I was at my grandmothers house and it happened.. I was dying, I was not sure what I had done, but i was bleeding to death!! Thank God my mother let me know I was not going to die................
Little did I know that day would begin a very long journey!!!

By the time I was 16, I was so sick at times that i would have to be taken to the hospital with severe bleeding and I remember to this day my first DNC, (Sorry guys for this graphic) lolol That is where they cut the lining of your uterus out.......WELL, guess what.. My first one came with no anesthesia!!!!!!! I remember the nurse telling my mom to get at the head of the table and hold me down..... OMGosh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it was like hot knifes ripping me apart!!!!! I then was introduced to drugs!!!!!!!!!!!! MMMMMMMM love me some drugs.... No i don't mean to take drug use with a lite meaning, I have been fortunate enough to not be pre-dis positioned to abuse... I am a lucky one!

So come to find out, I have what they call Stein Leventhal Syndrome.... It is a combination of things, but it also involves ovarian cysts... Well I cant have babies with out assistance..........I went years and years to doctors and cried and cried and cried and begged and begged to have my babies......

AND THEN IT HAPPENED.......

God chose my time..............it is not my time, it was his....... I was seeing a wonderful doctor named Dr. Haase at OU medical center.................. HEY.. I just thought this!!! My babies are OU babies!!!!!!!! WHOOP WHOOP!!!!!!!!! GO OU!!!

OOps, went off on a tangent.. I am back lolol

I had surgery and they retrieved my eggs and fertilized them and then we started...... The first time I was implanted.. I found out that you MUST go in with your bladder so full you want to just die! I felt like i was 9 months pregnant with a bladder!!!!!!!! Reason is so your uterus is perfectly strait..........I laid there and whimpered and cried and begged them to let me go just a little..............I had to wait..........The doctors come in and they bring this incubator like they put new born babies in to stay warm and turned down the lights and I asked them why??? When they answered me I started crying cause I knew then how life is so precious and even though my babies were so tiny you cant even see them with out a microscope, they are alive and they like and dislike things....

Even at the stage they were in, the doctor said that the babies like it warm and they don't like the light...........I was crying knowing i was in the same room with my babies........

It did not work that time.... Samarra was not one of those eggs.. so They went back to Jesus= )

I lost both the babies..........This was very hard.....I know there is huge controversy on when a baby is a baby, but I am telling you my babies were alive and growing and yes, i loved everyone of them... The few minutes I got to spend with them in that room and then the two weeks i had them in me were so precious to me.Then God missed them so bad they needed to go home. So I went in the next time and they put my babies in and I went home.... Sit.. wait....go to work........try not to think about it........go back in a week to have hormone levels checked........wait.. go to work, try not to think about it......

OH, I forgot to mention each time trying you go through a HUGE very time specific plan of shots every day...lol one time it was getting time to have a shot and I had no one to give it to me!!!!!!!!!!!! I actually went to a neighbor (who was female AND was one of my own employees!!!!!) I went to her apartment and she opened the door with the look of ..........OMG what did I do.. am I getting fired.........And I had to explain to her why I was there and she gave me a shot in my bootay!!!!!!!!!!! I am pretty sure I violated SOOOOOOOOOOO many HR issues with that one.......... But , momma's will do anything for their babies!!!!!!! With out that one shot, i could have killed the babies instantly... It was basically like their food, since my body was not producing hormones like it should to help them grow................OMG we laugh about it till this day..!!!!!!!!!! Thanks Rayne Mckinney!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Here is a picture of Samarra, although I am not for sure WHICH one she is.. lol

I got pictures of all my babies before = ) AWWWW aren't they cute!!! lolol

Went back to doctor and I AM PREGNANT!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOOOO HOOOOO

So the weirdest thing ever in all of this is.....................The rest of my eggs were put into cryogenics, frozen basically................Well I went back 5 years later to do it again and I lst quite a few.... and I had three eggs left and yup.. there came Siahna!!!!!!!!!!

Samarra and Siahna were both fertilized the SAME day!!!!!!!!!!! But Siahna was frozen for 5 years!!!!!!!!!!!
THEY ARE TWINS!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG just freaks me out!

Anyway.. I have two blessings in my life that drive me insane sometimes............What more could I ask for!!!!!!!!!

So back to reality.................This past week has been VERY trying..............I am back to the point of WHAT DO I DO!!!!!! Things are so good............then all hell breaks loose...............I have gotten almost hit, the mad devil look and screamed at, kicked, pushed and it just keeps going on............YES, her schedule at school was jacked up this week too.............DOES that give her the right??? NO, did she get consequences........YES.......Did I go crazy??? NO!!............Did I turn into a psycho mom??? NO............Did I want to??? YES!!!!!!!!...... lolololol Did I lower myself to her level a few times???? YES I DID!!! lololol....(One time she yelled I am NOT talking ever again.. I said THANK GOD.. now it can be quiet around here finally...........it just made her mad........ lololol) , so whatever.. i got childish.. I kept my cool didn't I..... I get kudos here by god!!! .........But i know it was because her routine was off! Thank GOD next week is just school!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ODD, has really shown its head this week.....And if it doesnt stop.. the MWWB is going to come out!!!! LOLOLOLOL MWWB = Momma who woops bootay) BHAAAA!!!! I crack me up!!............ I am hoping for better week next week............ No matter what I am still thankful for my girls and I am so thankful for my mother who has taught me everything I know about kids.

She is my God-send and I love her so much!!!

To all the mothers out there HAPPY MOTHERS DAY !!! And to all the single fathers out there.. HAPPY MOTHER'S day!!!! For those of you who do not have children yet, or do not or can not have children.........God chose you for a purpose .. Like my sister says...........She is a spiritual mother to a lot of people and She has made a difference in more peoples lives than i ever will with just my two kids.......

Happy Mothers day to anyone who has any interaction and shows a mothers love to a child!!!!!!!

Some oldies of momma and girls= )