Diary of an Asperger's Mom: Aspergers, ODD.....Why is this so hard sometimes???? May 4, 2012

T.G.I.F.

Happy ALMOST Cinco De Mayo!!!

AND

Almost happy Birthday to my dad!!!

OK, so I missed a week...........BOOOO MEEEE!!!! LOL I am not sure how it happened, but i lost last week Friday! Like it was just gone....I have no recollection of it at all! I think something is wrong with me.. I of course remembered when I received messages from some folks who read thought something had happened to me and sent me lovely email to check on me.. THANK YOU!!! AAAWWWWWWWWWW

So you seem my title to this post and When I wrote it, I was thinking how others have it soooo much worse than I do and I should be able to handle this a lot better than I do.........I feel bad for saying it is hard, but IT IS!!!

This past two weeks now there has been so many field trips, a party and some other things that have changed normal routines and were exciting for Samarra..........

Ok, .............MOMMY CONFESSION TIME............

Yes, I want her to have fun, but I CANT STAND how she is before and after!!!!! Like i get SOOOOO mad, Like i feel my head swelling up and hot flames starting at the bottom of my neck and start moving up my face until i feel my heart beating in my head...............I am pretty sure I may look like i am going to explode at some point!!!!!!....lololol ....... All the while I am thinking OMG I cant believe this AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't know how to handle it.. OH sure repercussions of actions I GET IT.........But that alone is not helping her understand....She flat out does not get it.. It is the same all the time, it has not changed.......she just melts down anyway......... Gets mad...........even violent a bit toward her sister this past two weeks...( I mean like pushing her away or hitting her not hard) But with a face of anger.

It is like her anger jumps to me like electricity jumping from one post to another and my insides just start boiling over!!!!!!!!! NOW, I unlike her CAN control it.......I did loose it TWO times though and that is two more times than I have in months!!!!!!!!! I yelled at her........Now, sometimes i have to get loud with her to snap her in to attention but that is not with anger.... This time it was full blown anger that made me yell............And then what happens...........I feel guilty and bad...........GGGGGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....

I thought about it and some people who see Samarra very little and read this blog make comments on I just don't believe it, she is just so sweet..........YES SHE IS..........BUT, they have a brief interaction with her and they are gone......The hard part is trying to survive the daily living..

I admit, every time i hear of something coming up at school or anything, i am like DANG!!!!!!!!!! I try to prepare, but it is of no use!

Here is an example of my last two weeks........

Woke up Saturday.......................Took the girls to Walmart, which Samarra loves... doing good so far........on way home, stopped by the park and played with the girls for about an hour...........still doing great................got some food and went home and the girls are eating.............doing good............. then the food is gone.......

AND THEN IT STARTS

Samarra where are we going now............. No where , we are going to relax and clean up cause you have a birthday party to go to tomorrow.....See how I tried to smooth the blow of not going anywhere over with the party??? I look over at her to see if a reaction is coming, but I don't let her see me......... it is like a tthat moment i am thinking please please please please.......

NOPE it didnt work..

Samarra now yelling and crying..... we are suppose to be going somewhere, we been out all morning, now we need to go again..... No honey, we are going to stay and get some things done.................SQUEAL SCREAM into her pillow and rocking and kicking her feet................... WE NEED TO GO...........WE ARE GOING!!!!!!!!! Now it is time for me to start ignoring it..............I AM GOING with glare like she just came right out of the exorcist............ And headed to the door.............GRRRRRR I forgot to shut the door!!!!!!!!!! I tell her, don't you dare go outside! Samarra I AM GOING.......We went this morning and we are going to go now. I actually have to go over and grab her to not go out the door.

Have I mentioned touching her in this time is bad???

She yanked away and ran to the couch screaming and yelling, knocking over the baby as she did...........baby screaming now........... And I lost it............. I yelled at her............. So as always this continued until she was done and she gets up and as IF NOTHING happened she gets up....... Thank you for taking us to the park mommy and buying us our new balls..............

WHAT??? I mean seriously.......WHAT???? Please tell me this was not just ridiculous!

On the days we don't do anything at all.........this doesn't happen, but it is usually the second week we dont do anything cause she will want to go the same place we did the week before at that time.... get through the first week, the second week of nothing.. EASY PEASY!

Next day she goes to the birthday party and comes home and GUESS WHAT???????????? SAME THING happened!!!!!!!

OH and last Thursday I had to stop at gas station before school..........yesterday was Thursday again and she lost her mind when she found out we weren't going to the gas station! It was Thursday ya know.. we HAVE to go.........

Is it because schedule has been off and she is trying to get more routine back?????????? I dont know, but she has got in trouble at school 4 times in last two weeks as well, so NO it is NOT just me... for those who like to say it is my fault...= )

So we have a birthday gathering for my father this weekend and a church program she is in this weekend so i guess we will get it again .............next week the zoo on Monday at school...........and a fun day on Tuesday..........PLEASE GOD HELP ME MAKE it through next Tuesday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel my sanity slipping and we all know how horrible my memory is, i need my sanity!!!!!!!!!!

Funny story though.. two of them...

While Samarra has been in the middle of her episodes lol Siahna says the funniest things... like.. one time she went over to her and yelled............STOP CYING (crying with no R) !!! Go to your woom!!!!!!!!! and turned around and looked at me and said.. it's not working momma!! lolol

Another time, she says....Sissy you are being so wedicuwus.......stop it now! looks at me and says she is cryin again!!!!! I find it kind of funny but not funny, that Siahna is getting used to her behavior and just goes on about her business or tries to help her.........Which i have to be careful of, cause you don't touch or get too close in those times.

Anyway........I am not sure I can do anything different, but I sure will be glad when it slows down back to normal insanity!!!!!!!!!!

OH.. HAHAHAHAHA last night Siahna wanted to take her diaper off so I said she could.... She takes it off and puts her skort back on and then slides off the couch and takes about 3 steps and then starts crying and reached around and was holding her bottom saying..... MY CAC!!!!... MY CAC!!!!!....(My crack) and she says my pant in my CAC!!! Help me mommy!!! Through her tears...... I was crackin up.. my baby got her first wedgie!!!!!!!! LOLOL

Here is a video of the girls on the swing singing some songs...

Click link.............Girls singing on swing....