Diary of an Asperger's Mom: Aspergers, ODD.... I MAKE IT RAIN??? I am going to be rich!! July 27, 2012

Happy Friday!!!

Runnin to the weekend !!! LOLOLOL

Got up this morning, felt awesome!!! Took my shower, brushed teeth, took my medicine and got my coffee.. which is the most important part of course!!!!!! Put my make-up on, got Samarra's medicine and woke her up to take it, with bread of course......... And she flips out on me yelling and screaming cause i woke her up after 6 a.m. I remember feeling so helpless and just lost and just when i felt like i might break down.................................................I WOKE UP!!!!!!!!!

WHAT THE??? Now I am plagued with dreams, can a girl not get any rest!!!! I would prefer to be in a zombie movie being close to eaten alive, at least that is kinda cool!!!!!!!!! Even if i might wake up screaming! lololol

So, I get up, I actually am kinda freakin out thinking, this might happen, so I am double checking everything to make sure all of it is good to make sure nothing happens when she wakes up..........Then I realize something..................I am scared..............anxious.............nervous...............I am acting like an abused person trying to keep from getting abused by conforming to make sure she is 100% happy..

DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE ANYTHING WRONG WITH THIS???????????

It is not her fault, lately I have just been trying to figure out what I am not doing write to cause us to slip backwards on some stuff... Her anger is getting worse, her aggression is getting worse and her words are getting more mean........ And she laughs about all of it. She does not have empathy at all sometimes....

MOMMIE CONFESSION TIME............... So with all that has been going on...........I have been pushed to the limit a few times...........You will be happy to know I did NOT rect in anger, but yet, I pulled myself down to her level and just went crazy............I am pretty sure this is not a good idea, so y'all don't do this. lolol

So we are sitting on the porch and daddy is out there and I accidentally tripped and coulda hurt myself pretty bad cause i was comin down on a metal thing i have in my rock garden.........BUT I saved myself.......Samarra laughs and says..........man i wished you would have fallen so you woulda got hurt.. that woulda been funny and then maybe even have to go to the hospital!

1.2.3. I am pissed...........I jump back in and said in a loud boisterous voice with a weird laugh...........Better yet it woulda been awesome if i had died and cracked my head open and blood was pouring out of my head huh.. Daddy joined in fake laughing and said yea that woulda been awesome.. and i continued with and then you wouldn't have a mommie at all!!!!!!!!!! and laughed.......... She was just sitting there

DAGGERS were coming out of her eyes and she was NOT HAPPY at me at all.........Guess what..........I stole her thunder............AWWWWWWWWWW

OK so you see, I am not being a proper mother right at this moment lol But maybe it did work, she was not laughing.........

So I guess after long thoughts at night, not sleeping well.. even thinking I am the wrong person to handle her........I think it is all because school is not in.......So we just have a few more weeks to go and I hope all will return to normal!

EVERYONE BOW YOUR HEADS AND PRAY THIS IS THE ISSUE!!!!!!!!

Seriously do it now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

lololol

It has gotten so ridiculous that natural happenings are being directed at me....... She was suppose to go swimming yesterday and when she woke up she looked out the window and say some clouds and immediately jumped on me!!!!!!!!!!!! She is saying "We aren't going swimming cause it is going to rain and I hate you!!!!" I am like why you hate me for that?? She is like cause your making it rain cause you dotn want me to go swimming!!!!!!!
She pulls her hand back to hit me.............I looked at her with I am sure the look of a devil in angels clothing and i said girl... You better talk to God about the rain, you gonna hit him to???

She backed down and said.. but we are suppose to go and WE wont if it rains!!!!!!! I just ignored her and walked out the door..........but you know what...........she has control of my nerves cause the first thing I did when I left work was call mom to see if they went swimming and she said no.. I panicked and started thinking of anything i could do to make her happy.........

I NEED HELP!!!!!!!!!!!

I think it is time to call Dr. Poynter again...................FOR ME!!!

Ya know the blog has does it again.. i never even realized what a problem I have here until I just wrote it out... I almost just cried.................See I told you I am not perfect!

The only thing I can say with certainty is.. I love my girls with all my heart unconditionally..........And it is said and I believe, God will not put on me more than I can bare, but i may be close to death gettin there!!!! lololol

OH well.. you know what, there is not a blog big enough or long enough for me to write my daily accounts lately...........BUT, I will smile on and mean it.. none of that fake smile stuff, then you just look funny lolol

Here are some pics.. mostly the baby as Samarra has not been in any mood to take photos. I did however take one anyway= )

Samarra acting as she does a lot at home, I told her i want to show the world how she REALLY is, not what they get to see...........I am bad I know............I did at least remember to stay at least two feet back!!!