Diary of an Asperger's Mom: Aspergers?? ODD... Samarra gone.. Why do I not like the calmness?? SAD! Dec.22, 2011

Thursday REALLY???

LOVE THE HAIR!!!

Yes, I know I have been slackin on writing and trust me........I regret it. I just don't feel like myself!!!

BUT I have an AWESOME sub-human Jalaine who I would NEVER give up for anything! If you don't have someone you can call and tell EVERYTHING to and they love you just as much..........GET ONE!!! I love her!!

So I am sad..... I mean like I am smiling cause I hate spreading sadness to others which it is I believe to be the # 1 most catchy thing in the world.........But my baby is gone to Florida until the day after Christmas........It has nothing to do with Christmas, to me it is just another day and I am not one to wait for special occasions to show love or give my daughters things= ) But my sadness comes from her not being around me..

YES YES I know we have some CRAZY distressing times, and I get worn out, but you know......I always wondered what "MY PURPOSE" was on this earth, and I am not sure but I think now it may be that I am here for Samarra..........My beautiful baby girl...It is like my house is quiet and She did not run up to me when I got home and attack me and ask if dinner was ready cause you know she has to eat by 5:30 or she will continue to try and drive me to the point of blowing up myself until she is eating.

BUT I missed it.......What the heck is wrong with me??? Well, duh, she is my baby and i miss her, but it feels like more than that..............OH WELL.......... GET OVER IT!!!

But she has been being so funny, I know she was a bit nervous about the flight, but she is an amazing little girl.. She had decided that she was going to die on the plane and she had decided she was ok with it. How does one do that?? She just prayed at night.. She said one night.. "Jesus, Please help Mimi and I go to heaven when we die on Wed." Another one was..."Jesus I love you and I will see you on Wed. and help mommie not to be sad and help sissy grow up happy"

Like i just let her say what she is going to say cause I am not going to entertain a conversation of death and it is kinda cute, but now that I am sad she is gone, it kinda just made me tear up......So i better quit talkin about it...= )

But, I talked to her like 4 times yesterday and she was so excited.. she got two window seats and mom said she must have put the blind up and down 200 times lol and she did start to loose it quite a few times because she didn't like the pressure change in the cabin and kicked and started to freak a bit and lay on mom and kick.. but poor baby just was uncomfortable, but my mother who I would be nothing with out her when it comes to being a mother is a GOD send to me and she is sometimes better with her than I am .......It is amazing how someone can be so God gifted with the ability to take care of children and actually love it!! I love you mom!!

To talk to Samarra she will tell you it was awesome!! She says MOM!!! I walk on air and went to the bathroom !!! And I was high up with the birds and the ducks! She says to me before she left she hoped she would feel closer to Jesus and maybe even see where he lives cause it just doesn't make sense that someone could live up there lololol...Remember if she doesn't see it, it doesn't exist to her= ) AWWWWWW

Ya know it is not her fault she has issues with aspergers and oppositional defiant disorder and she can be so out of control one second and turn on a dime and be so sweet......But you have to see that even in all of it, she is so sweet and loving and others just dont get it. I am truly blessed cause some children with autism are on the opposite end of the spectrum and they are not able to show love.. and even though we are adults we NEED to feel loved by our kids and we learn what they are doing for love and well.. Samarra shows love in a some what violent approach, but I know she loves me and I am thankful!

So, I guess I better finish to go to work... And I will smile and wait until my holy terror comes home.. lolol But Siahna and I have been playin good and she makes me just as happy so I do have some pictures to share..= )