Happy Friday!!!
For those who know me you already know what phrase is in my head.......LOLOLOLOL..........."I'm gonna get you high today................It's Friday............You aint got no job............You aint got sh** to do"....................... SORRY MOM, but it is a great movie!!!!
So I am going to go right into my title today, cause ..............YES............. Me.............. The happy girl is not 100% happy today... I am 99.9% and that is because i have chosen to be that high..............You would be amazed how much that .1 percent can hang on a person!!!!!!!!!
I am going to say now, that moms and dads that take on the role of mom NEED LOVE TOO!!! it is kind of funny how much love that we have for our kids, that God has somehow put in us,(Not all of us) But most of us to always love our children no matter what they do............
I say this cause last night was one of the most emotional nights of my life......... I thought dealing with the aspergers and the ODD was hard.........YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Trying to do what the therapist has suggested is sooooooooooooo hard...........The words are ringing in my head, and I honestly think i will remember this night for the rest of my life and I don't want to.
So The only way I can explain this is to see her face you would of thought she was going to kill me, and i did entertain that notion for a moment.............This is going to probably upset some people but I rthought for a few times that she looked like she was possessed...............
For ALL those with children who have struggles just knowing what I know and what I do and wha tthey go through... I love all of you, my heart just breaks and i pull it back together for you and me!!!!!!!!!!
Last night i got to hear these things from my 6 year old....
-You are the worst mother in the world
-I cant wait till you die and bugs eat your body.
-I hate you and you better watch yourself
-She laughs and says you have NO FRIENDS cause of me, and i will make sure it stays that way......... You HAVE to keep me.
-I must be adopted cause your so dumb......
- I am going to make sure Siahna hates you too!!
OK... I got to stop with that cause it makes me cry................here is the thing.............those words come out with her frustration, she just cant seem to handle emotions and she has so much anger............But I dont know WHYYYYYYYYYYY................I have always protected her , probably too much...........I had some REAL bad times as a kid and I just wanted to make sure she was never hurt and always protected and happy... And even with all that, she is sad, angry, and hates herself.................I don't get it??????? Then 10 seconds later she is hugging me like nothing happened........... Do I think she doesn't remember....Yes, she does, she forgets NOTHING!
All those words came from me confronting her on things.........All I have to say is .................I love her and this is HARD!!!!! Like who is suppose to fill me back up when she drains me dry??? I know right... PITTY ON ME... No I am not going to go there...
Here is my support and I am doing this cause I am saying thanks!!!!!!!!
I have a WONDERFUL family and my mom is a GODsend for me.My Love for her is so great at times I wonder if it is more than my kids... It couldn't be could it???.............I would have went insane with out her. She is my best friend and my mom............And there could NEVER be a better match for a mother and daughter.. I have two sisters who love me so much and both in their own way help fill me up and I love them a lot!!.......And my big brother who calls me Dar-Dar = )and I love him!!!!!My dad and his wife Janie..I don't see them too much, but just knowing they would and do help= ) Love them.... And don't let me forget my backbone and the one who gives me the mind strength.........My SUB-Human Jalaine. forever and always love ya= )!!!!!!!! So you see, I am not alone and never will be......
Ok sorry felt like I had to say that= )
So the positive side of this is now I know what to expect and I will prepare myself .......I tell you it was not expected that is for sure
Ok well another day and I am happy believe it or not, I am sure it will come in waves today, but when you see me smiling the most it will probably be the worst... lol I don't want to spread negative energy= )
Here are some happy pics from last night= )
Have an awesome day!!!
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