Aspergers, Change is not good! May 31, 2011

Well it has been quite a few days and quite a few meltdowns!!!!!

Ok, well Thursday we went to eat with Jana, she is like another grandma to the girls and lives with my mom. Well she has an inner ear issue that comes on quick! Well it hit and bad! So this put m e working from home on Friday with the girls!!!!! Yea right good luck with that!

Salvation is coming.. My sister will be getting Samarra at 10:30 so it will be just me and the baby, so I will be able to work with out issues.

Oh if your wondering, no Samarra did not stay the night obviously, but she will bee3 tonight. So finished out the day, Samarra will not be home until around 11a.m. on Saturday. My house looks beautiful!!!!!! Siahna loves to help me clean!

Saturday woke up, quiet in the house... NICE! get things ready for the big event at 11 a.m. I already know Samarra will want food immediately, so I am prepared. Juice,check...Food, check.. What else could there be? THINK THINK!! Ok I think I am ready..

I DID IT! She is home and all is well. baby is napping and she wants to wake her up, we have a BBQ to go to at Nanna's!!! YEA!! I take Samarra to the store to get water toys.. just the Dollar store up the street. So I am going to turn this story to me for a second. If you dont know me, I go overboard with things for the kids. I got stuff for all the kids who would be at Nanna's house so no one felt left out, all the same things, color organized for girls or boys so no arguing and I go to check out. Yes, I do have a lot of stuff and people are backing up to check out. True the lady was a bit slow, but I dont care, I am spending money I am going to ignore comments coming from others.

What you are about to read is not ME....Humans can only handle so much....

So the two ladies behind me whisper...BTW I hear very well! She says... "Look at the white lady spending all that money" .................SNAP................ I jerked around looking at a lady who does not really care about her appearance much, wearing clothes with holes, no shoes, did not brush her hair, makeup running from I don't know when. (See even with that, this lady to me is no better or less than me and that is ME)BUT I turned around and said, knowing i could be fighting quickly.... "You need a job and if you would clean up you might get one."

Yes, I did it........ She cowered and said well i didn't mean.... I ignored her. I feel bad, but here is my question to all. I live in Midwest City, not the most desirable City in Oklahoma, I am at the dollar store on 10th and Midwest Blvd. I am in the ghetto basically... White woman spending money????????? Dollar store........ghetto...... Anyone else think that is dumb??

Ok now on with asperger's. Day went wonderful.......Then SUNDAY happened. I decided to go to church again, Samarra begs to go all the time. So we did.

Calvary Christian Center

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..........GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR No kid's classes.........I am going to call from now on before hand ... Oh well we will see how it goes.

Music too loud for her, hands over ears with face squinted up, and rocking.. not too bad..... moving all over, wont sit still. Me trying to contain her with a public mommy attitude.. she is hitting the bench cause she wants out.. too loud!!!!

Music stopped.. whew...Now it starts..

Her:I am hungry
Me:I am sorry you will have to wait
Her:But i am hungry, this is the time we have snack in class
Me:But I don't have any
Her:But I am suppose to be eating a snack right now!!!!!!
Me:OMG she is about to blow.... I have the maddest face i can have telling her to stop and sit still.
Her:I want it, i want it, i want it, i want it, I want it, I want it.
Me:Stop......... 1.2
Her:Hitting the bench, it is snack time...
Me: OK, well I tried and we are leaving.........sorry.. But I will not go again with out kid's classes.
Her:We are leaving??
Me:yes, because I am not sitting through that and I haven't even heard one word in there but you.
Her:Oh, well i don't need a snack now, we aren't at church.

PERFECT example of how she expects certain things at certain places. Got to love routine!

Now home... Elizabeth is coming over and spending the night..... So let me tell you what this means ALWAYS..

Play some, get mad, meltdowns, MASSIVE meltdowns, and lots of fun.

Samarra has to have things her way or no way. I don't allow it and with Elizabeth it gets worse because she wants to play with the baby sometimes and Samarra wont have it!

It got very bad this time... She was screaming, repeating words, looked very angry, and then the last straw came. She opened the door and left it open and I asked her to close the door so the baby wouldn't get out. She says.. I don't care, i hope she dies, so i can be happy again. I am MAD I WANT to go to the park. park park park, park, park park.......... I say.. Close the door NOW.

She turns around and grabs the door and slams it as hard as she could.... Yup, i have been pushed over the edge.. And I am sorry if you don't believe in spankings, but I do. This was part aspergers, but this was part 6 year old and I must get this under control and NO taking things away does not work, she doesn't care and will tell you so.

With out a lot of details, I sent her to my room.. Never punish a child in front of others... I waited until my anger was not ragging and I delt with it...

Yea, the rest of the night was 99% better, routine issues, has to sleep a certain place, some other asperger symptoms.. but that is ok........

Just so you know, I didn't take her to the park because we had already got toys, a craft, ice cream, favorite food out, water park, played outside........ I was not just trying to keep her from having fun.
See we do go places!

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Also, the more fun things you do.. EXPECT IT, the more emotional issues you will have.. I don't know why.. maybe the excitement just doesn't wear off and she doesn't know how to handle it.. Who knows.

All I know is I love her a lot and that's it.

Monday.. oops found out I need to work, so off to Debbi's she goes. I don't know what happens there and I don't ask, but she will not act out the same there because it is new, there are no routines there.

Happy Tuesday!!!!

ASpergers, a wonderful day until the last 1 minute May 26,2010

Well its Thursday.. No Livestock!! lol

My prayers are going out to everyone who was effected by the storms! I have made a list and will be adding more every day of places to donate, not just money to help. How to help!!  Also there is a lost and found facebook page we set up. Lost and found items from the tornado.

Yesterday was as close to perfect as it gets for us!!! WOOOO HOOOO

Went to work and was quite busy with recovery effort coverage and the day went very fast it seemed.

I got home and mad dashed to put a meal together for the girls before I got them... Thinking smart tonight! Mini hamburger, NO CHEESE... green beans and a couple chips with beans and cheese on them.... Juice ready.... Now it is time to go get the girls.. I hope the day went well, I hope the night goes well....

I step in the door.. Here comes Samarra.........MOMMY!!!!!!!!!!!! I will give you one guess what she said next............. Your right.. your learning.. Is dinner ready?? I said Yes it is! NOW I get Oh mommy I love you so much, your the best mommy ever... lets go.. can we go, come on lets go.. I'm going.... I am ignoring her.

You know I think this week I may give in to Cici's Pizza.. I got a coupon in e-mail for free kid buffet, so why not right.. I am not FOND of the food, but I do have to admit the pepperoni flip is pretty tasty... great now I am craving chips and a flip... ugggg.... Loosing weight kinda sucks, but I'm getting there= ) Who knew lettuce and salsa craves my chip craving.. Thank GOD!

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Ok, we are home and she is already eating before I get the baby in the door. I sit them down together and they both eat while I clean up stuff. Sister-in-law calls to give me a storm damage update... Apparently the transformer outside their house blew up and so did their phone, modem, air-conditioner, and water came in the house... BUT, they are all fine, but hot!

Night goes on, her and the baby are playing so well......I wonder if Samarra is sick? I don't think so. She hasn't tried to kill her sister not even once! Life is good. I join in the play on the bed.

Ok so you know kids are gullible right?? Well even with her high IQ, hahahahaha somehow I convinced her that the gas bill that comes in tells me how often someone in the house farts.. OK, maybe too much information sorry, skip this paragraph is you don't want to read it. but don't tell me these conversations don't happen at home with kids lol

So Samarra says when is the gas bill coming so I can see if me or daddy farted more.. I was cracking up on the inside, but i really wanted her to believe it.. Maybe it will be one of those things she will remember later in life.. What am I saying, she remembers everything in that steel trap she has. Ok, well i think it is funny..

Ok so it is 8:30 and I just put the baby in the bed and Samarra is going to stay up.. she is playing with her daddy's phone... Calm, I love it!!

My sister Debbi just called me and asked if they could come by and talk to me for a moment and Samarra... Um.. ok...

Debbi and her husband Jonathan (he is a Midwest City Police Officer)came by and they wanted to talk to me first... Well Samarra has been spending more time with them lately and apparently has begun showing more signs of the asperger side with them and the biggest one sounds to be the reactions to not getting what she wants... This is a hard thing to gauge really. I struggle so hard.. is it aspergers, is it her being 6... They say don't react the same to an asperger action as you would to out right being defiant....

Which is which?????????

Well, i decided I am not going to allow any of it.. aspergers or not she MUST learn the proper way to handle her emotions and how she reacts to things and things will not always go her way.

Ok, So Jonathan talked to Samarra and explained very well wha tthe rules are going to be when she spends the night and he is helping out with trying to cut the actions out at home... She will remember ever word he says.. She actually had VERY GOOD eye contact with him.. I was impressed. She had problems moving around but that is normal too... He had her repeat the points and she is to go spend the night with them tonight and he told her he is going to get a report from me on how good she was...

Well heck its bedtime no problem... Did you read the title of the post?? We are getting to the last minute.

Sister and brother leave, Samarra says I am going to be the best girl ecver mommy and wont you be proud.. Yes honey I am will be so proud of you. Oh where is daddy's phone I had it before they came over.... She follows me in the room, she sees it on the dresser, she picks it up and I say, honey daddy is going to bed soon and he needs it to be plugged up to get charged, leave it there.

Her:But I was playing it and he said I could so you cant take it back, he said it!
Me: But that was earlier honey
Her: If I dont get to play then daddy lied!
Me: No it just got late
Her: Folding her arms, mad face, you said... you said... he said....
Me: OH man here it comes...
Her: Why dont you find something to watch on tv?
Her.. I want to play with phone he said... Crying, anger is just welling you can see it, she grabs as she walks by a hand full of clothes and tears them out of the closet on to the floor.. saying.. you not suppose to say things you dont mean. it is lying!

I didn't even follow her I sat watching the game.. lol I got up in about one minute and went out to check on her and she rocking on the couch... this is a new one...
I ask her what she is doing, she said it gets the inside out and she feels better... WEIRD.. but ok... I told her, you know your not going to Aunt Debbi's and Jonathan's house now right?? She says why, I said because you remember what Jonathan said.. She says yes, and i didn't lie...

Anyway, so Debbi, Jonathan if your reading this.. not spending the night...Oh well, I have a feeling she wont be ever again.. lol But we will see= )

Slept well, woke up good, daily routine of food for the baby, but one thing was added this morning... All the blankets and pillows around the baby again.. She loves it though!!!!!!

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BTW today's wimgo deal looks DELISH and I am getting a few so the family can go check it out! You should too and we can swap reviews!!!! Here is the link to go get it.. Come on you have $11 WIMGO daily deal

Have a Great Thursday!

Aspergers, Dont like storms or confined places! May 25, 2011

Well we made it through the tornado's! Lot's of debris around the house but ok. Whew!

I love the coverage of the storms that NewsOK.com has up and everyone did an awesome job and presentation in The Oklahoman today!!  Good job guys!! 

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So I left work early knowing i had to drive to get Samarra at my sisters, Debbi's house almost in Choctaw before I got5 home, it actually is only about four miles from my house. So you think ok, an extra eight miles on my trip not bad. Leave work at 4 p.m. trip was so stressful, thinking about all i had to get together, listening to the guy on the radio talking about the tornado's...  Have a friend in Fairview, was stressing about that too!!

So it was 5 p.m. and I am not there yet!!!!!!!!  I am really counting down minutes, sirens going off, traffic backed up. All I could think about was getting my baby and getting home to my other baby and getting us in the shelter if needed!!!!!!

Ok, I am at sisters house and it is now 5:20 p.m. headed home, samarra is screaming in the back seat, not helping me.....  She screams, we are going to die.. I am like NO we are not going to die. I know she is stressed out so I cant get mad, but it makes me feel uncomfortable.. you know her saying things no-one wants to think about... OK.... Yes, I lost it after the we are all going to get sucked up in the rotation and things are going to go through our bodies and the baby is going to be crying....   SAMARRA  STOP... SAY ONE MORE WORD and the tornado wont be what hurts you.. We are going to be fine...  STOP!  Whew made it home...  Got stuff together and it is raining now...

Got to mom's house and got the tornado shelter ready for us, lights, food, diapers, wipes, drink, and yes we have a potty= ) Had the girls eating dinner real quick like and I went on the porch and called the girls daddy.... I told him he needed to come over now, he comes over and we are on the porch and look up............what the...  We got debris flying over us ..........crap not good...  down in the shelter we go....

Ok we are safe, which is the most important thing! BUT We are now locked in a small room with Samarra who hates storms, thunder and small places.. she is all over the place, crying... all we can do is just keep saying.. stop, sit down, be quiet.. at one point apparently clapping helped her..  DO you know what a clap that echos sounds like? TIP, don't try it.. I think this could possibly be a torture technique that we haven't been told about. I somehow think that I discovered a new sign of aspergers in girls...  She has a bit of a DIVA attitude.... I think that might just be 6 year old and i hate that worse than the rest!

My DIVA

Guess what this smart momma brought in the shelter.... mind puzzles and BREAD!  yeah.. why didn't i get it out right away.. She LOVES the like peg games that are mind benders!  Got this out first, don't want to start the food if at all possible.  So she decides her way out is to say she has to use the bathroom..........
Cry, drama, I need out, I need out, I need out.. rock rock rock.. Lets get out, lets get out.....   Game oh pretty game.. calm... oops lets get out, i need to go to the bathroom.  OH look a game....  calm.
So after over an hour we finally get to get out...

So here is my thanks to God. 1. We are safe and have a home. 2. We are out of the dungeon with a wonderful child who can't help but react the way she did. 3. I didn't loose my mind and decide the storm was a better place for me... lololol

I'm just kidding about the last part.. Poor baby's anxiety level was pretty high... I am proud of her for not going into a complete meltdown. For her though people around help her not to.

Safe an sound back at home and it is a little after 7 p.m. So guess what words Samarra said when she got home............ I'm hungry.. yes she is fine, all is normal.. did our food now routine and got stuff to get baby to bed, and whew I am laying down and I don't even care how late she stays up...  Had to check on all my people and get back with all who checked on me, and bed to watch the news.

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A beautiful day today!  Happy Wednesday!!!!!!

Aspergers, Monday! My IQ is higher than yours. May 24, 2011

Well it is Monday morning and I woke up first.. This makes me want to do a happy dance.. but I am too tired! But I am doing it in my head!.. So why did I set my alarm the last three days of work to get up and get on the treadmill and wake up later than usual.........Will someone please do a medical study on this??..

Shower... check....coffee.... check..... make-up... check..... Samarra's pills...........UM why is there only 1 left, how could that happen when you get an even amount of pills????? Oh geeze, ok... Order pills......check... If I haven't mentioned for one month these pills cost $380.00 a MONTH!!!! Thank you God for my job... Thank you God for insurance that will pay for part of it. I actually pay $110 a month.. high still but not near as high! If I had to pay for all of it.. I just might have to go to locking her up... lol NO.. I would never do that! lol

She is awake and I had breakfast ready and juice in a cup with a straw. Why am I so proud of myself at this moment? Guess i think I need kudo's or something lol

And it is time to wake up the baby, Samarra decided a breakfast burrito was suiting for the baby today... How did all the pillows and blankets get in the crib in less than 3 minutes??? uggg ok baby is up and I am changing her and getting her dressed and Samarra decides it is time to try and see if Siahna breaths through her nose when she is eating... here it is
Me: STOP! she cant breath
Her: But it is fun to see her choke.
Me: Samarra that is not nice to say and STOP.. I am trying to get a diaper on the baby as she is screaming at her sister and trying to hit her.. Diapers dont go on well like this...
Her:But if she doesnt breath while she eats then she might pass out and die.
Me:I know so STOP.
Her: It's fun...
Me: OK i give on the diaper... grab Samarra to get her away from the baby. Look at me..... Look at me.... Have I mentioned eye contact is almost impossible for her and when she does it is a stare... LOOK AT ME.. you are hurting your sister and making her upset.. that is not nice.. do you really want some thing to happen to her???
Her:Well NO, but it is so funny.......
Me: Thinking... OMGosh a serial killer.... I didn't say this...
Me: Samarra, I love you and you can not do this ok, help me and get sissy some water ok?
Her: OK.... As she is walking off.. When will lower IQ people realize that science experiments must be done to come to a resolution.
Me: Science experiment.. What kind of science experiment is making your sister not breath?
Her: Um, mom... If we don't know if she breaths through her nose when her mouth is closed, how are we to plan in the event she gets something stuck in her mouth. this was pre-planning
Me: That is not science, and lets leave the experiments to the scientists.
Her: Well I will be one one day.. you will see and I will change the world!
Me: I am sure you will one day.. and I will be proud.. but lets not change the world today ok??
Her: OK, need help finishing up... kisses her sister...... Siahna is so mad at her right now she punches Samarra in the eye... It hurt and she is crying........ I think I became a bad mom here.........See that's what you get. = ( sorry, I am not perfect.

And off to school..... and I am off to work...

I have to leave work to go get Samarra for therapy today... Guess what i didnt do.. get a snack.....

Metltdown.. cry, mad, cry, mad. cry... fine..

Therapy is an hour and the therapist reports that Samarra is being very defiant and not doing as she is told and doing what she wants to do, except she did brush her teeth very well........ OK. Two things are happening here. 1. Only 1 pill 2. Samarra has a program at school tonight she is in. She is too excited... It will be better next time.

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OK, to pharmacy, to Taco Bueno, cause I don't have time to cook... home, baby, dishes, get Samarra dressed. all in thirty minutes...

OH GREAT bad weather, well we have to go now! I called Jalaine and asked her to be my weather lady for the evening.. Thanks Jalaine!! She is almost the ONLY other person who can handle Samarra for LONG periods of time! Why? cause she is just as crazy and she doesn't even have asperger's.. I love her!!!

Samarra: We have to go... lets go... come on lets go.. are we going now... Me: give me just a minute please... AHHH dang.... Her: 1.2.3.4.5.6 all the way to 60.... Now, lets go.. come on lets go.. we have to go...are we going now.. Me: Just a second.. What the... Why did i do it again... Her: 1 .... Ok lets go... Finally we are ready...

Program starts... she did wonderful, the whole school did awesome! I am going to try and get some video of it on here. Imagine a old up=beat church chior who dances moves and just has fun with songs.. that was it... CUTE CUTE! I will post a picture, but it doesn't tell much...

Home and we survived the storms so far... Yay it is time for bed... I am tired! baby asleep, Samarra gets to stay up till 10.... She thinks she is special... She is.. I love my aspie child... God gave her to me perfect.

THUNDER UP.. I finally get to watch some of the game!!!

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Another asperger note..... She has no given social skills she has to learn them and copies everything to try and learn anything... I remind her constantly that TV is FAKE.. but she still .picks it up... poor baby.. I really need to get her in a social group.. Yes, I haven't done it yet... But Is it so bad I just wanted peace and gave in... probably, yes... But I don't care at the moment.= )

I am going against all that has been told to me and I let her watch ICarly .........so if she is around you tomorrow expect her to act like it...

Not so bad really.. another one survived...

OK, picture is so fuzzy.. but here it is anyway= )

OH!!!!!!!!!!!  I came up with a awesome Memorial day list of events.. check them out.. they go all over our wonderful State of Oklahoma! http://blog.wimgo.com/happenings

Have a great Tuesday!!!

Aspergers, Weekend meltdowns and literal thinking May 23, 2011

Yay!!  I got to sleep in, it is 6:30 and Samarra is still asleep!!  I believe she stayed up till after eleven I think it was.. I should instill this policy for all weekends!!

I managed to get a shower and dressed and makeup done before she woke up! But i didn't quite make it to getting breakfast done for her before she woke up, but I was almost done... Getting close to 9 a.m. Mimi leaves for her trip. Samarra remembered it and is now crying saying her life is going to be over, and there is no way we will make it with out her. So dramatic it is kind of funny. But you know what, I feel the same way. I live next door to my mom that is how close we are, no issues with us.! I guess you could say I am a "momma's girl" or she is a "daughters mommy" whatever. lol

Mom is gone and it is all but forgot for the moment. And here is comes. I need something to do, lets go to the park, lets go to Walmart, call Debbi and have the girls come over, play games with me. now now now now...  cry cry cry. Whatever happened to kids playing with toys???  She has not all the electronics, but they have so many toys, that I think my house looks more like a daycare than a home!!!!!!!! I say Samarra, go find something to play with!!! I am never going to talk to you ever again!  I cant help it, but I always say.. GOOD... I will remind you of that... I know I am bad....... But it is fun to see the reaction... lol

Here comes the literal thinking part. Toys are for stupid people. The commercials LIE about the toys, make them look fun and they don't talk to me, they don't do anything but sit there and do nothing! The person making the commercials are smart for doing it to get kids to want them, but im not stupid!
So if I haven't mentioned before, Samarra takes everything literal. You can not use phrases such as "When pigs fly", "Lets hit the road Jack", or maybe describing something that is very cool and using the word "sick".  This does not nor will ever be comprehended her her!  I like kick myself every time I use one... And then the hour of trying to explain why I would say that instead of what I mean........  UGGG

Ok so no playing with toys...  IM BORED! I offer to let her help me clean up, surely her being my daughter she has to love to clean. She agrees to help. Little did I know everything I handed her she walked to the other room and threw down!!!!!!!  Im like SAMARRA.. what the....  Well You wanted me to help, I am bored.. I like to throw stuff.. so it looked like a solution to me!!!!!!!!!!!!    AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Ok well apparently the morning of crying wore her out, baby napping and guess what???  Samarra napping!!

 Finally quiet!!  Ok now, after nap I must go to Walmart!  UGGG.. So I dont end up on "People of Walmart.com" I better straiten up and really get dressed.

My dad called and stopped by!  Hi dad!  he brought and cut us fresh melon, pineapple, and grapes and a watermelon!!  It was very yummy!!!  Thank you dad! Only problem is.... Samarra will .want it for the next um lets say 5 or 6 Saturday's going forward. SO dad if your reading this.. looks like you will be coming over more than you planned!!!   LOLOL  Not so funny though cause I will have to deal with it....  BUT wait......... I believe Memorial day has saved me.. the cycle will be broken with a BBQ next weekend!!!!!!!!!!  WHEW.. Good planning dad!

Off to Walmart, to me this meand there goes the paycheck, to Samarra this means food from the deli... Target means popcorn and drink.. She had it one time and MELTDOWN is on if we dont....  Well at least her favorite is okra... Could be worse! Oh and by the way, I tried the ranch chicken, I thought I was in heaven, I loved it!!!!!!

The rest of the night was pretty good!!   Food, food, food food, hungry, food.. and time to go to bed... lol

Sunday, 

Yup she woke me up. OH NO!!!!!!!!!  Sigh.... Hungry, food, I am staarving.. crying, why didnt you set your alarm to get up?? GET UP NOW!!!   ME: Ok im coming... Im starving... I need it now!!!!!!!  Crying.. Runnign off and throwing her pillows screaming and throwing blankets!!!!!!!!!!!!  AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH............  ok, something quick... thats it... sugary muffin!!!  Yay, still had one, I am such a good mother to shove sugar down her............  Is this a medical thing, or is this mental??????????? ...  Now she is happy and She has her cup with lid and straw.

The HARDEST part of asperger's is knowing what is normal 6 year old and what is aspergers. God, HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!!!

Now I can get coffee and start on the real breakfast which I made bacon, eggs, and toast..  Yes, she ate it also. Not going anywhere today.. but guess what.... daddy is....

Me saying to the girls daddy: PLEASE PLEASE take Samarra with you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why is he looking at me like i have lost my mind??????? He says........OK... he has NO idea what he has just done for me!!!!!!! Jumping up doing the happy dance............... and singing the uh huh song.. Oh you don't know that one??  Well ask another asperger mom how it goes.. they know= )  Once again, I get looked at like i have lost my mind and he says... You need help..............They leave and it is only 10 a.m. I have no idea what to do with myself, sure I have the baby, but as I cleaned and cleaned and threw toys away, packed some baby ones up.. Siahna just played and danced to the tv music and had a great time ... No crying, no drama.

Daddy, Nanna, and Grandpa just got back with Samarra  and looks like McDonald's is in the plan.. Yeah.. no drama there...  I let them play in the sprinkler... No dram there..  Nanna is playing with girls.. no drama there... And everyone leaves... She is tired.. guess what NAP again!!  this day is awesome!

And here is goes.. Take the baby to Jana so I can do Samarra's hair........... sigh...... its ok, the whole day was great... let me sum this up...Scream, cry, I hate you, I am never speking to you again.. ME: GOOD...........sing, cry, I wish I had another mother... ME: Me too!.......... sing. both of us singing...  finish...  I love you Mommy your so great......... Im hungry.....  This all happened in two hours time...

Some more fruit, food and off to bed!  Whew!!!!!!!!!

This summer I am checking into some camps at the YMCA in Midwest City, looks like they have a pretty good lineup this year!!  Check it out on wimgo!!

Midwest City Community on wimgo

Ok here are some photos for ya.

Samarra and Siahna May 23, 20-1l  

 Have a Great Monday!!!!!!

Aspergers, separation anxiety and Cici's Pizza. May 21, 2011

Well, we made it through the night and I am tired! I wonder how i got by with only 3 or 4 hours asleep when I was younger... Doesn't work that well these days, but somehow I am not falling over, lol

TGIF!!
So today I am going to get McDonald's coffee, I deserve it! Well I guess that means breakfast for Samarra too... Yea no problems getting ready for school if food is involved.. Is this for her or me??  Yup, your right.. for me. So I guess you can see the selfish side of me in this, I just don't want any issues before work.

Work isn't so bad so far. I am awake and quite productive actually. One of my co-workers, Michelle just told me she has donuts at her desk. Now this is where aspergers comes into play. If you have read earlier posts, you know it is Friday and because I took her to Cici's what 2 months ago it is a fight every Friday trying to explain Friday does NOT mean Cici's pizza... uggg Well...........Michelle has saved me! Most people would think, oh a donut sounds good, or no it is too fattening. I think... That is my OUT!!  Yeah I have something to replace Cici's pizza. I GLADLY went and got two donuts and put them away to take home!  Happy Happy Happy....

I am home, I go to moms, and here she comes... running to me and hugs me, I love this and always will, it is the words that could be better.. lol  MOM!!!  whats for dinner??   Of course I dont know yet... Mom lets go, im hungry......  we ate at Mimi's but im still hungry.. Lets go to Cici's.... No no Cici's tonight, but I did bring you something...What is it??  I need to know NOW.. Just a second honey, got to get sissy's stuff then we will go and Mimi is leaving for two weeks remember??  I dont care I want what you brought me..  I knew I shouldn't have told her.

So she is trying to hurry to put shoes on and she is making it very hard for herself... here is the play by play.
Her: put my shoes on
Me: just hold them we are just going next door
Her: put my shoes on.
Me: just hold them we are just going next door
Her: put my shoes on, put them on, put them on, put them on, put them on......  Crying now, I cant do it.. put them on... put them on...
Me: Honey...
Her: put them on put them on put them on....... 
Me: inside  AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Me: Honey the quicker you just hold them and go you can get your surprise.
Her: Ok, stands up puts them in bag as nothing just happened.

Am I the only one who wishes the last 3 minutes didn't happen?  OH....Did I mention Mom has a friend over and they are talking, Siahna is yelling and the TV is on??

All in all, three minutes so far is not so bad!  Alright now off to home... Didn't get to say bye to mom yet.

In the door, donut in hand already, and donut gone before i got to kitchen. Amazing! Yes, I gave a bite to the baby... No, you dont have to remind me she is fat... lol

Mom comes over to talk a moment and say bye.. SEPARATION anxiety hits, Samarra is crying.. not a meltdown cry, but a kind of sweet one. But in her world, Mimi is doing this to her for some reason. I wont be bad, I will be good starts... I can only explain that this is for Mimi to have fun and it is not because of her... The rest of the night was up and down with bouts of emotions from this. But no meltdowns. She is so worried about her days being different... She even knows that she cant control her reactions at times. Smart girl. Poor baby just doesn't know what to do...

This Friday was a huge success if you ask me!  I am going to bed! Wonder what tomorrow will be like....

Samarra quote: You know I like having a sibling at times.. I think God knew I would need someone that could beat me up and put me in my place.

Yes, the baby is a bully!

Aspergers, Extreme sensitivity to sound! May 20, 2011

It is Thursday, and one thing I know which is completely unrelated is the livestock report does not come in, but I seem to think of this every morning. It is a work thing and one that is done every other day of the week. Just thought I would share that bit of useless information. lol

Have I told you that the baby who is 19 months old is "fat" or as some like to call it very healthy. Well Samarra just HAS to wake her up every morning and fills her full of food in both hands before I even get her out of bed! She saves part of her breakfast every morning to do this. She plans it out. I probably should try and stop it, but I have tried over and over to explain that she doesn't need it and will be eating breakfast very soon at my moms house, but she says she HAS to. It all started because Siahna is a bit cranky when I wake her up in the morning, and Samarra gets very high anxiety when her sister cries, so she started shoving food in her mouth. Oh well, it could be worse right??

So she is still feeling a bit under the weather, but the medicine seemed to cause her to get stopped up more and she has no fever so I decided no medicine, better for her to cough it out. Tonight was pretty good, Daddy played with the girls quite a  bit tonight so it kept them entertained.

The only thing I am thinking about is the weather really. Samarra has a very low tolerance for thunder. I am going to be positive and talk about how wonderful it is going to be to get the rain we have needed for plants to grow, and make things green and pretty. LOL see i like to lie to myself sometimes in the hope I might actually believe it. Well I guess I have to do something right??

Only one melt down tonight, she wanted to break her own routine... WHAT?? she isn't suppose to do that, but hey if she wants to act normal who am I to fight it. Unfortunately it was not one I could do. She wanted to stay up till midnight and watch TV. UM no. Cry, hit........OOPS hit daddy.........Daddy doesn't fair well with her outburst and hasn't mastered the "DO IT AGAIN" skill I have.

Well she moved to me after that.. cry, cry, throw anything she can get her hands on, and yup hit me, ok it was with a sock, but still, am I to let this slide?  NOPE...  I did my mother look with the "DO IT AGAIN", she acted like she was going to do it... Mother look again... I wish you would... do it......do it.....She says no... and I reply no really do it, cause I really want you to see what will happen...... do it!   I don't want to she says... I say, I didnt think so... And it goes to just crying which I decide to mimic, then the baby joins in fake crying, then daddy joins in with fake crying... Now she is laughing...  ok done.. NEXT..

Ok, so how did i leave the room for less than 2 minutes and come back and more then 10 things are all over the ground... and it is 8:20, haven't put pajamas on, haven't brushed teeth.. uggg...

So now mom comes to the door, she has muffins... Thanks! Girls are now eating sugar at 8:30 p.m., nice...But we discuss the weather and my mom has the storm shelter next door. SO we decided just in case Siahna would sleep over there so she would already be close if a tornado decides to erupt. She stays over there a few nights in the week because it allows mom to sleep in late. BUT Siahna knows and I got the look of fear from the baby when Mimi went to leave, she wasn't going!  Well she did and was fine.

Ok, Samarra in bed, 9 p.m. and I am going to go lay down and watch the Thunder game/channel 9........Did I mention sensitivity to sound............11:30 screaming and crying from Samarra.....  THUNDER AND I DON'T MIX WELL.......... MY EARS HURT!!!!!  So if you don't know... Yes, her ears really do hurt with some sounds, the doctor is not sure if it is the sound or the vibration, but when she was tested there were certain things that just set her off, she hears things we don't even hear!  Yes, bionic hearing. Now, I am sympathetic to her and I put her ear plugs in and tried to calm her down, but NOPE here comes the vomiting and hysteric motions and vomiting again.........WHY!!!   Well there is no sleep for me... 12 a.m.   12:30 a.m.  1 a.m.  wait is she asleep?  almost  yeah!!....Off to bed for me!  Great, now I cant sleep.........  Somewhere between 1:30 and 2 I did fall asleep......................

Alarm goes off and here I am...................

This is just a random photo, but I remembered one time just as bad as last night, but I also remember it was when I had taken her hair down to redo... This was a while ago so imagine her hair in this picture about a foot longer!!!!!!!!  Now you know why it is braided ALWAYS!!

 Have a GREAT Friday!!!

Great place for kids with challenges!!

Norman Health on wimgo

Aspergers, loud and heavy walker! May 19, 2011

How did it get to be Thursday!!!!!!!!!!!  Oh yeah, my first few days I was high.. I think I might like that schedule. So Monday and Tuesday I get high and then work Wed. through Fri. who want's to start a petition with me??  Ha-ha.. JK...

Of course when I asked my boss how things were at the job, before she could answer I guided her to say, that things were ok, but i was missed dearly, and no one could do my job like me.. lol Thanks Linda!!!

So Wednesday was pretty good, remember when I mentioned before that when Samarra gets sick or is just not feeling great it is like her aspergers disappears temporarily?? Well she has a head cold I think, drainage and sounds hoarse. Poor baby.... Yes, I really mean that too... House is quiet, she is playing a game, she has not even payed attention to me in over an hour. Alright I need to give her some medicine.. Medicine is down at 7 p.m. I am such a good mother, because I know in T minus 30 minutes ALL HELL WILL BREAK LOOSE, but I did it anyway...  Well cant have my baby girl not feeling well.

10.9.8.7.6.5.4.3.2.1

Yup medicine worked.... Mom, Mom, flying across the room, mom sit down mom sit down, dont clean. .. ok, jump lands on me.. OUCH...  ok so just fyi she likes to hurt you when she does this, it gives her enjoyment....  So now I am yelling DON'T DO THAT IT HURTS!!  Samarra like always says....  SO, its funny....Then she gets the baby to do it.  UGG why did i give the medicine... Oh yes I remember why...

Did I mention the baby is MEAN to other kids.. HUM I wonder where she learned that??

Honey, you know that that is not nice and I know it is a bit hard for you to understand, but you have to try to remember that other people dont like it when you do this. ok? All of us have things we have to work harder at then others so lets set a plan to be gentle with people when you play ok? She says.. OK, but it wont be fun for me anymore and then it will be boring.  Ok, I tried...

So another thing to know about some asperger children is their voices are very loud most of the time even in casual conversation. I am always saying lower lower. Also when she walks she steps hard as like she throws her leg down instead of simply walking with a stride. My house is old, and we don't have a solid foundation. So when she decided to jump like she was doing some kind of African dance for about 10 minutes and i couldn't get her to stop, i seriously thought the house was going to crash down around me. This was some kind of new meltdown apparently to me not picking up the what 100 Uno cards she just decided to throw across the room because i was not going to start playing at 8:15 p.m.

Well all in all, not a bad night really.. just got to take each thing one at a time.. If you bunch it all up, it gets crazy, but as long as I have like 1 minute. I am good..

Bedtime is now here and I laid her down and in less than 5 min. asleep!  Yeah!  I lay the baby down, she is asleep too.

Oh another thing to note, because I just thought of it.. I called Sooner Start to check out my baby, she is now 19 months old and she will not talk.........I actually think she is fine, but I think Samarra takes the front stage too much. Also Samarra has a sensitivity to the baby when she does try to get loud and babble, I found Samarra feeding her or covering her mouth. That has gotten better, but she still wont talk= (

Ok, as promised, here is the Principals Honor Roll award Samarra received from Mr. McClain!!

Here is one of the scariest moments yet in my life. Samarra goes real high on the swing!!

Aspergers, didnt get medicine. May 18, 2011

Well I was gone for a few days, I was in the hospital with what I call the wishing someone would kill me headache and food poison. I am pretty sure I was not nice during this time.

So guess what...  Samarra's daddy had to get her to school on Tuesday, mom took her Monday I think. I really don't know. Anyway! So I asked her dad if he gave her her medicine, and he says.... No I didn't know what she took, but she was rummaging around in there, maybe she found it.  Ok, so if you don't know by now, she is SIX!!!!  Why would you let a six year old rummage in a medicine cabinet with all kinds of pills??? Thank God for child proof lids and her inability to even open a bottle of pop!!!!!!!

So I made a realization of MAYBE something Samarra goes through in her daily life. She has an extreme anxiety of being alone. I don't know why but she does and if I leave a room, she will call out my name quite a few times just to hear me respond. Well When i got sick something happened in my brain where I was acting somewhat irritable and uncooperative which is not normal for me at all. The pain was so severe that I literally was loosing bits and pieces of what was going on which was making me freak out.

Well, Samarra does not do that, but once I got to the hospital which my mom and my Brother-in-law took me, i was still in this state and i had a rag over my eyes and any movement was making me be very sick. They found a dark , more quiet place for me to wait and i for a few minutes at a time would be quiet and comfortable. But, I found myself going in and out and my anxiety level was quite high, and I kept calling out for my mom every few minutes.  I would say kind of loud.. MOM.. and she would say I am here...  then i went back out... then again.. MOM... and then back out... 

I think this anxiety I felt at that time could very well be what Samarra feels all the time. I have always been understanding of her, but it does cause aggravation at times. I will make sure I address her anxiety at all times with a very understanding attitude and add more reassurance to her that she will never be left alone. Even at school if the teacher stepped in the hall it sparked crying and panic. I tell everyone where she goes, do not leave the room for even a second, or take her with you.

So I have not had Samarra with me until Tuesday about 5:30 p.m. And yes this is the day Daddy did not give her her medicine. The only description of the evening I can give you is... tornado!!!  She was happy and she also did not have any meltdowns THANK GOD! I also tried to make sure the whole evening was dedicated to the girls so this helped. But she was all over the place, running , jumping, talking so fast you couldn't even understand her, and there was no such thing as personal space last night. Unless you see it, you would say that sounds liek a normal child who missed her mom. Well, yes she did, but her strength and aggressiveness comes out full force, I had to get her off the baby 3 times from holding her hand over her mouth and nose so she could see her try to breath. She did it to me, she was running around hitting things and I got hit a few times. doing things like throwing books which she knows not to do. Just destructive all around!

I did not hear how school went, but hopefully they knew I was in the hospital. I did get a note that she was more argumentative and combative...........Well what does that mean???  So I have no idea.

Ok well we started a new day and it will. be great I hope... I still owe you pictures of her awards.. coming soon!

Aspergers, routine and time. May 13, 2011

Thursday!!!!!  I might make it to the weekend!  Actually this week has been one of the most least stressful weeks in a very long while!

Thank you blog!!!

Just so you know, I am getting senile, maybe that is why this week was good, I don't remember it!!!!!

So I am on my way home after work..........almost home............. AND I realize it is not after 5 p.m., it is just after 4 p.m.!!!  No wonder traffic was light!!!!!!!!  I have lost it... Too late to go back now! I went home and worked from home.

Well I am home at 5, I dont get girls till 530. I can make a good dinner!  And what this means is Samarra will hate all of it.. oh well i must be strong!  Ok so does this really sound bad. Meatloaf, cheesy potato and peas?  I think it sounds great!  Samarra wouldn't eat any of it. for various reasons.. She doesn't like meat because it is hard to swallow, the potatoes are too buttery, and the peas , well she doesn't feel like peeling them.  Well nothing else to eat then. The best thing though is I did not have to have the argument about where is my dinner!!!!!  No time issues today!

Go outside to take trash out, of course Samarra follows me........fine... BOOM!!!!!!!  The baby decided to stand in her rocking chair and fell to the floor and her tooth went through her lip....  Blood is everwhere and she is screaming loud. Samarra takes out the front door... She cant handle anyone getting hurt, or her sister crying.. She will probably cry all night if she stayed, but WHERE IS SHE GOING??  Ok, well she went to moms...  thank goodness.  I am quite proud of her for doing it in a way.. Running from things is not the answer, but she helped herself avoid a situation she has no control over once her anxiety level hits a certain point. Plus it kept my level of concentration on where it needed to be at the moment instead of me trying to deal with both and ending up screaming for Aaron to do something!... 

 So mom came over with Samarra, and I told her that Samarra wont eat dinner, she said she didn't eat lunch at school either they told her...  The eating issue seems to be becoming more prevalent.. ok research time, i haven't thought it was a very big issue yet... I guess I better get on it now... I should have went into psychology! 

Samarra has asked for the last two nights if Rhi Rhi can come over, she is the daughter of my best friend Jalaine...  Yes I know I should have told you Jalaine.= ) And I keep saying no. So i really need to do this soon!

Yes, death is still part of our day today, but honestly I am tired of writing about it....   here.. death, dying, hurt, pain, laughing.....  That pretty much covers it.. I am so ready for this to move onto something else!!!!!!

I accidentally slipped up and said something about her going to a new school where she heard me ............CRAP!  I have been so careful!   WWWWWWWWWHHHHHHHHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYY

So yes, I lied my way out of it... I suck I know lying is never the answer, so why do I do it to avoid meltdowns????  Well the only thing I can tell you is dont judge until you have been around someone with aspergers.. lol

I am going to slowly approach it in the summer, you DONT do things quick like that...

Ok anyway, today was awesome, except the baby getting hurt.. poor baby!!!!!  I didnt take a picture, but I will and add it tomorrow..

All I have to do today is get through not going to Cici's Pizza, if i can do that the night SHOULD be good!!!

Aspergers, Still on the fixation of death! May 12, 2011

I have to say, I think this blog is helping me deal with the every day aggravations that are normal when you have a child with aspergers. So Since that was the point of this, YAY!

Some times I get lazy and just do things myself, I really shouldn't, but sometimes it is easier than dealing with the opposite side. What I mean is Wed. morning I got her dressed, everything got on right the first time. I shouldn't do this because it doesn't help her practice doing it and getting it right.. Well sue me, I wanted a calm morning! The only thing I have to go though when i dress her is her putting her hands in my face and trying to smother me.. lol She doesn't mean to try and KILL me, I hope, but she find it quite funny when i get aggravated because i cant breath... I am used to this though, I do try and tell her it is not good and it could hurt someone, but I didn't want her to fall down laughing...

Daddy got cheese sticks and they were there before I got home!!  No dinner issues tonight. Samarra wont eat red sauce, so she is going to be happy.

I go next door to get girls. Samarra runs up..; whats for dinner........ Is it too much to get a "Hi Mommy" ???  I have to constantly remind myself, she cant help it, I know she loves me and I must be ok with just that. I let her know daddy had gotten food. She is out the door like lightning. I stay and visit with my mom, I love her so much and I thank God every day for her patience and caring. I got some of it!!!  So I get Siahna and we go home.

So the fixation of death is lingering, isn't that exciting!!  She wants to play scrabble, one of her favorite games and she spells the words, death, die, dying, dead, pain... I tried to get her to spell others, but nope!  Times like this i just get so aggravated, but i don't want to draw too much attention to it. See I think sometimes that it even scares me a bit when she does this, but the one thing i don't mention is she learns about diseases and treatments and procedures...  it is something asperger children do. Knowledge is the best thing to them!.

My work, OPUBCO, had an auction on some items and I got a new encyclopedia for her to read and another book called "Whats in my head" which discusses the whole brain and how everything works. She loves them. I got some others, but I don't want her reading so many different ones at a time. She usually falls asleep at night reading.  She loves the library, but the problem is, the kid books are for babies she says , but i wont let her get the older kid books because the subject is too old for her.

Samarra has really no social skills of her own, she will mimic anything she sees or reads to socialize. Hence I have to be VERY careful what she watches and reads. So if you know me and you read this, that is why she is not allowed to do so much your kids are.. Don't judge me on being too strict, this is to protect my child and help her learn proper social skills.

Overall I just worry daily on how is she going to be able to function socially with others, if others hear things she says, they are going to probably lable her as a serial killer or something...  SIGH!!

She is so beautiful and smart!!!! I am so proud of her all the time, and I tell her. But she does not separate emotions and feelings. If i get upset I don't love her anymore. if I ask her a math question that you might ask a 10th grader and she doesn't get it right away, she beats herself up. Poor baby, will she ever really know i love her more than my own life??  I doubt it, but i will just keep trying...

Samarra comment of the day:  I coughed and her response was. Mom you might have pneumonia and that can get serious and if fluid starts building up and it gets to your heart, you are going to have congestive heart failure...... I say, honey i just choked a little...........She says, well you could still die from that and it would be funny.. I say, really huh?  She says, yup.

I stopped it there...

Great day I would say , no matter what, any day with out crying and meltdowns is a wonderful, awesome day!!!!

Midwest City Community on wimgo

Aspergers fixations and space issues. May 11, 2011

No meltdowns today!

I told her we would get her McDonald's for breakfast so getting dressed was quick today. Socks on wrong, shirt inside out and backwards,but she did it= ) The trying to fix it was the hard part, she doesn't understand that it must be fixed. The shirt has a collar on it with buttons, how in the world can this be ok with anyone! Some aspergers have no issue with not looking right and she is one of them.

Seemed like the day was in time warp mode for me which is good so the day goes by faster.

I had to go by the pharmacy and there are three cars!!!!!!! Do these people not know I am on a schedule! So I made it home at 5:58, went right over to get the kids and was greeted with.

Her: Whats for dinner, you are late!
Me: I went by the pharmacy I am going to get it just as soon as we get home.
Her: I will go home now and make it myself as she is walking out the door.
Me: No, let me get sissy and i will be right home, and she is gone.

Well it is too late now, so i am not going to rush. I got the baby and talked to mom for a minute and went home.

Samarra decided waffles, toast, and a pop tart was the menu... Wrong!

I did let her eat part of the waffle since it was made, and it allowed me to make the real dinner. Chicken which I know she wont eat, peas, which she peels to eat, and cheese. She loves cheese, but only if it is shredded. Ate everything but the meat, but i made her eat it anyway. I am so mean! She has comfort foods as we all do, but hers seems to effect her mood. Well it is bread. I give in way too much on it and I noticed she was starting to not smell like a child, I took her to a doctor and found out too much bread can cause a yeast backup in the system and cause it. Yes, I have cut it way back! But I also found out she was eating it when I didn't know. Bread is now on top shelf in cabinet.

Dinner is over!!!!! I will sit down. POUNCE she is on me, this is ok, but she is in my face and wont move, she kisses and kisses and holds your face to where you cant breath.. I end up fighting her back and holding her away from me and i try to talk about personal space... doesn't work. She keeps doing it.. finally I have to push her off of me and yell stop! I cant breath! Now she laughs.

This sparked the fixation on pain, people getting hurt and death. This used to be a daily issue. I will be the first to admit I don't handle this issue as well as I should have. It creeps me out! She thinks it is funny when talking about people getting hurt, how it happened. she can be in an all out laughing attach. Which drives me INSANE! I don't understand it at all! This is one of the things she said.

I want to scare Mimi when she is in bed, so she will jump up and hurt herself and then maybe she will have to go to the hospital and then she will have to get all kinds of painful stuff done, as she is rolling laughing. I try to ignore it as I have learned.. I used to get so mad and yell things like what is wrong with you.... once she got done with her doomsday story and laughing i just simply said now is that very nice? Remember what happened when Mimi got hurt that one time.. she says yea. And what did you do... I cried. So was that very funny story? She says... it is hilarious and about fell down laughing... sigh oh well...

So here is the flip side, she is so caring that if anyone, especially family gets hurt even a little bit, she cries and cries and cries and has a complete meltdown because she cant handle the emotions going on.

I have learned that Aspergers fixate on things and Yay for me, her fixation is death!!!! Her therapy has helped a lot with that, she just loves Mikki.

Oklahoma City Community on wimgo

Time to go to bed all is normal, she says her prayers as normal and says the same words she has said since she could talk and wont deviate.... BUT tonight she did!! She added this to the prayer. And please God make mommie give me some ibuprofen after i say amen, cause my head is killing me! AW I felt so bad for her= ( If you get your hair done in braids, it HURTS like heck for a couple days! I tell her its part of being a girl= ( I remember it too.. I wished it didn't hurt though.

This also explains the great night we had unfortunately and probably also explains the pain talk. HUMMMM I think I may have learned something just now... I will discuss with mom and see what she thinks about it... Samarra will NEVER tell you she hurts. She will not cry even when she has gotten hurt quite bad a few times. She gets quiet and avoids all contact. I try to tell her it is ok to cry and tell when she gets hurt.

Once at school she fell and hit her head very hard and it swelled up close to a real egg size and was bad! it happened in the last 10 minutes of school. When mom picked her up she noticed it getting bigger and she called me at work. Mom said it was real bad which it was... I will post the picture below. I called the school livid they didnt notify me! They apologized and expressed that they did not know. I then paused for a moment. I said did at any time did she get quiet and come stand by you or behind you? She said well when we wereoutside at end of school she did, she stood by the fence looking away behind me. I knew at that time the school was not at fault for not calling me. She will not show emotion to pain at all. I did have to take her to the doctor.

Gave her medicine for her headache and off to bed with the baby!

Now on to Wed.!!

Aspergers Monday with no meltdowns! May 10, 2011

So the life of a mom with aspergers isn't always bad! Monday was great! I am very used to small meltdowns that come up that I don't remember them on days that don't involve major happenings!  Thank God for the ability to forget! I remember there was about to be a meltdown about something, but I also was quick to distract her onto something else.

Monday is therapy day and that even though they push her did not seem to have much of an impact on her coping for the rest of the day. Did it help I went and bought her a love bug sprinkler while she was in therapy, yes. Some people call it spoiling, I call it calming the waters. She is spoiled though. So today she managed to button a shirt with six buttons in about 30 min, some crying and some screaming she isn't going to do it, a couple times knocking things off the desk, but her therapist is so very calm with her and gets her back on track quick. I need her to teach me!!!. But the thing to focus on is Samarra did it and at the end was very proud and so was I.

Samarra thinks that therapy means fast food, well today I also gave in on that, her favorite to celebrate her accomplishment, Taco Bueno!! I also had to pick up her refill on the medication she takes to help her with coping skills. I feel like I might get robbed every time I pick it up.. it cost $180 and that is after insurance pays! I asked the full amount and one month is $380. Thank God for my job and insurance!

Tonight is hair night!  I want to cry when this time comes around, but I am glad she was born with about two inch long hair and I have done her hair since birth so it does not bother her. THREE hours it took tonight to do her hair. Here is the steps. Take out braids and hair doo-dads, wash hair, condition, then brush out, then redo. The worst part is brushing out, there are a lot of comments of wishing someone else was her mom during this time. I do not take offense to it, lol

Here is a story about aspergers that could help anyone reading learn something. Samarra has an issue with not being on the ground, she calls it a fear of heights, but it is not just that.. when her feet are off the ground she feels very anxious and "freaks" out about some things. When I take her to my job I park in the garage. The first time I did I had to drag her out of the car, almost cary her kicking and screaming into the building. She felt like she was falling she said. Well I tell you this to help understand the next story.

I do Samarra's hair at home because I did try to take her to a salon to get it done and when the lady tried to wash her hair in the basin and have her lean back, she went into a full blown fear reaction, kicking, screaming, crying. The look on her face which I understand now, you would have thought someone was killing her. Well needless to say I almost went to jail that day. the lady told me I needed to beat her... Well I do not "beat my child number one, and number two, she was doing nothing wrong. A child with aspergers would not do this normally. HELLO....  We will never understand what she has to go through in her head to make it in the world, we will never understand why a Honda racer car causes her to get the look of fear and cover her ears and scream it hurts...  Needless to say, we were asked not to come back... I wash her hair while she is sitting in a chair in the shower, she does not have to lean back at all. she does fine!

Samarra words for the day: Why would someone name their restaurant "Taco Good",(Taco Bueno) we don't know if it is until we eat it, very well could be "Taco Bad"

Hair is done and it looks great!

Aspergers is a form of Autism... Lets support...

Oklahoma City Community & Non-Profit on wimgo

Aspergers on Mothers Day with anxiety issues. Monday, May 9, 2011

Mother'd Day 2011

I don't know about other mothers, but is it a written law that mothers MUST spent the day with their kids?  Well I said this year to Aaron..I love you momma, but it is my day too and I would like to stay home and not go to the big get together we go to every year for Mother's Day.  Yes, I knew Samarra would want to go... fine with me... Is that wrong? She would have more fun there, so why not let her go.

Of course we went through the morning routine of crying for breakfast to be ready, trying to get dressed and getting things on right.. normal to me anyway...

Samarra loves to be the one who gets the baby up in the morning.. Well today I was not ready to get her so Samarra goes in. By the time I got there, five minutes maybe, this is what i found.

This is all the blankets in the room in the crib, and all the babies clothes off ready for me to dress her....  Thanks babe....  LOL

Samarra and her dad left for her Nana's house about noon, and it is time for the babies nap!... Yay some quiet time!!!!

If you read this, I should mention I am mild to medium OCD with cleaning... so my time is spent cleaning at all times when I am home pretty much, unless i sit down with girls which I do every day to play, read books etc.  Siahna is so calm, she just goes with me in all the rooms I am cleaning so it was a great day!

Samarra and Aaron got home about 5:30 and it seems like it was kind of like a bomb going off. But ya know what I missed her bad while she was gone... go ahead scream and cry and I am not going to get mad at all...  I did decide tonight that somehow I need help knowing different techniques with handling my stress from asperger's. I love her and I wouldn't even change her, unless it made her feel better, but I know my increased headaches have something to do with it!. She has an anxiety of being alone and when she cant see me, she yells out for me, when I answer she doesn't want anything just wanted to know where I am .. sometimes every five seconds!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH

Samarra quote of the day - Mom, your eyes hurting are controlled in the back of your brain, so you should rest the back of your head...

Overall , i would say one of the best Mother's Days for me!!!

Aspergers and being impatient, I am cranky! Sunday, May 8, 2011

If you haven't noticed I always write about the day prior.

I didn't sleep well or much, so I myself an cranky and have a slight headache, But party is today!!! It is always wonderful when I wake up and the kids are asleep, gives me some alone time with coffee!!!  Samarra does very well with having people over to the house, this does not seem to be a stressor for her and she knows it doesnt happen every day or week. She will ask to have them all over again the next few weeks, but it does not set her off. WHEW

Woke up... Im hungry I want to eat. I slept later and usually have eatin by now... Me: ok I will make it... Her: you knew I need to eat why didn't you get it ready?  Me: I didn't know when you would wake up and I didnt want it to get cold, give me a minute....  OOPS...  Her: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6.   etc. all the way to 60. Ok, where is my breakfast.. I need it now now now now now....
Me: girl if you don't get out of this kitchen I am going to quit making breakfast and we will wait till party....
Her: BUT it is past time to eat now!
Me: Honey I will be done very quickly...
Her: I am going to get  a frozen waffle..
Me: No your not that is grose.
Her: Getting a frozen waffle and me coming to stop her...
Me: What did I say.... 1.2.
She responds well to the numbers for some reason... maybe focus... She bites the waffle anyway and all of a sudden things calm.........She says I love you mommy let me know when it is ready.. and she is gone............

By the way this scenario happens every morning.. and in writing this I realize no matter cold or not I should have one bite of something waiting for her to wake up... Oatmeal squares maybe................

Can you believe it only has been 15 min of the day??

She is so extremely excited about the party that she is everywhere i don't want her to be. Her cousin is playing with baby and Samarra is now crying because she wants to have the attention from Elizabeth...  I send them in Mimi's back yard to play while I prepare.  OK now let me tell you how this really went.. Stop Samarra... does something else... Stop Samarra... Does something else.... Stop Samarra.....  she chooses to do things like fill her Barbie container up with water. Put real food in a fake blender and try to get her sister to eat it. keeps coming in kitchen to get more food. Anything Elizabeth touches I hear MOM  she has my stuff....  and the finally,,

Me: yelling by the way... Go to your Mimi's backyard and don't come back!

OK now silence.. baby is playing, I am cooking... all is good..

Everyone got there for the party, went great, no drama for rest of day.. My Brother Jonathan,  who is a police officer in Midwest City took the kids to jail and finger printed them, took their mug shots and took photos behind bars... Thank you Jonathan for the break!!!!!!!!!

Here is Samarra behind bars!!!  I am also putting a picture of a cousin Aric, and Jason on here. They are my Brother Dwain's two boys.. he has 2 girls as well, I am sure you will see them later. 

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Aspergers, routines and picky eating. Saturday, May 7, 2011

Well it is the end of the work week and school week and I am about to head home and all i can think about at the moment is how am I going to convince Samarra we dont need to go to Cici's Pizza.See we went on a Friday after work four weeks ago, and every Friday since when I get home she says it is time to go to Cici's. Well I am armed with leftover danishes, and some jello today so I am hoping it works!!!

I am home and getting ready to go next door to my mom's and get the girls. YAY! one of my moms friends is there, perfect distraction! I am sure she is all over her and wont ask!  YES!!!  Well she did ask about Cici's and I told her no, but look what i do have...  WE ARE SUPPOSE TO GO TO CICI'S!!!!!!!!  And the crying starts with the blanket over her head....  Ignore ignore ignore.... 10 min pass.... I am not going to eat anything ever again!... Me: You will get hungry.. this is really yummy jello we will have. Her: Why cant you just do things right!... kick and throw remote...  ignore ignore...

Well I got some cheese out to eat with dinner and I verbalized it.. Look here comes Samarra...  it is like time revered and nothing happened.. I like cheese, what else are we having.. I cant wait till we eat the jello, come on sissy lets play and let mom cook. I called and let her cousin come over to spend the night until my Dad's b-day party the next day. She is running around like crazy excited. this is an ignore part as well or she gets even more excited. Pretty normal I would say actually for any kid... Her cousin arrives...  She says.. Why does she always have to come over here and bug me, I am not going to let her play with my stuff...  Me, yes you are going to share.... but I am the one who usually plays with my stuff. But we share things with all guests. cry.....  5 min this time and off they go to play...

The rest of the evening went pretty smooth, couple fights over the computer, baby, food, sharing.. normal I would say...

Well big day tomorrow a party at my house!!!

Oh a picture I took this morning before school of the girls!!

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Aspergers..Dont change routines, I asked for the meltdown! Friday, May 6, 2011

Well here is my first post on my blog. I could go back a long way and fill it in, but I think that is called a novel. lol I will start with last night and move forward. So I had to go check out a new school for my daughter that has more knowledge of aspergers. LOVE LOVE the school BTW. Harvest Life in Midwest City!

Well, I took my mom with me and by the time we were done at the school we noticed we did not have time to go to next errands and get back to get Samarra from school. I decided we would just get her a few minutes early and finish up. I had to go to get groceries for about 17 people to be at my house for my dad's 70th birthday party on Saturday.

So you might be thinking this sounds logical and make things more simple. Sigh...  Sadly sometimes I dont think..........The night was full of crying, breakdowns or as it is usually called a meltdown, and I wanted to run away!   What is it going to take for me to just realize there are consequences to changing a routine. Crying, throwing, the end of the world is coming tonight, no one loves her. Dinner in 1 minute is unacceptable, it must be done NOW NOW NOW...  it has already went past 6 p.m. and 6:01 hits and crying, standing next to me why isn't it done, where is my dinner, I am hungry.

Ok dinner is done, it isnt bread. Crying, she will only eat if i give her bread she says as I walk off, the throwing and crying starts again.  I will give you a star for thinking about why your crying..  YAY!!!!!!!!!! it worked, dinner a success, no bread. Happy times, she is playing well with her sister who is 1, Siahna. Twenty minutes pass and Siahna falls, she is crying, Samarra run's off crying and covering her head with a pillow screaming make her stop! She has a sensitivity to certain sounds... Yup, one of them is her sister crying. Siahna has stopped crying over ten minutes ago, Samarra still crying... Wait... all is back to normal, loving as if nothing was ever wrong.  Up and down. This is the night of a mom with an asperger child when the mom changes the routine.......... 

My beautiful babies, who I love!!!!

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