Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Aspergers, Change is not good! May 31, 2011

Well it has been quite a few days and quite a few meltdowns!!!!!

Ok, well Thursday we went to eat with Jana, she is like another grandma to the girls and lives with my mom. Well she has an inner ear issue that comes on quick! Well it hit and bad! So this put m e working from home on Friday with the girls!!!!! Yea right good luck with that!

Salvation is coming.. My sister will be getting Samarra at 10:30 so it will be just me and the baby, so I will be able to work with out issues.

Oh if your wondering, no Samarra did not stay the night obviously, but she will bee3 tonight. So finished out the day, Samarra will not be home until around 11a.m. on Saturday. My house looks beautiful!!!!!! Siahna loves to help me clean!

Saturday woke up, quiet in the house... NICE! get things ready for the big event at 11 a.m. I already know Samarra will want food immediately, so I am prepared. Juice,check...Food, check.. What else could there be? THINK THINK!! Ok I think I am ready..

I DID IT! She is home and all is well. baby is napping and she wants to wake her up, we have a BBQ to go to at Nanna's!!! YEA!! I take Samarra to the store to get water toys.. just the Dollar store up the street. So I am going to turn this story to me for a second. If you dont know me, I go overboard with things for the kids. I got stuff for all the kids who would be at Nanna's house so no one felt left out, all the same things, color organized for girls or boys so no arguing and I go to check out. Yes, I do have a lot of stuff and people are backing up to check out. True the lady was a bit slow, but I dont care, I am spending money I am going to ignore comments coming from others.

What you are about to read is not ME....Humans can only handle so much....

So the two ladies behind me whisper...BTW I hear very well! She says... "Look at the white lady spending all that money" .................SNAP................ I jerked around looking at a lady who does not really care about her appearance much, wearing clothes with holes, no shoes, did not brush her hair, makeup running from I don't know when. (See even with that, this lady to me is no better or less than me and that is ME)BUT I turned around and said, knowing i could be fighting quickly.... "You need a job and if you would clean up you might get one."

Yes, I did it........ She cowered and said well i didn't mean.... I ignored her. I feel bad, but here is my question to all. I live in Midwest City, not the most desirable City in Oklahoma, I am at the dollar store on 10th and Midwest Blvd. I am in the ghetto basically... White woman spending money????????? Dollar store........ghetto...... Anyone else think that is dumb??

Ok now on with asperger's. Day went wonderful.......Then SUNDAY happened. I decided to go to church again, Samarra begs to go all the time. So we did.

Calvary Christian Center

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH..........GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRR No kid's classes.........I am going to call from now on before hand ... Oh well we will see how it goes.

Music too loud for her, hands over ears with face squinted up, and rocking.. not too bad..... moving all over, wont sit still. Me trying to contain her with a public mommy attitude.. she is hitting the bench cause she wants out.. too loud!!!!

Music stopped.. whew...Now it starts..

Her:I am hungry
Me:I am sorry you will have to wait
Her:But i am hungry, this is the time we have snack in class
Me:But I don't have any
Her:But I am suppose to be eating a snack right now!!!!!!
Me:OMG she is about to blow.... I have the maddest face i can have telling her to stop and sit still.
Her:I want it, i want it, i want it, i want it, I want it, I want it.
Me:Stop......... 1.2
Her:Hitting the bench, it is snack time...
Me: OK, well I tried and we are leaving.........sorry.. But I will not go again with out kid's classes.
Her:We are leaving??
Me:yes, because I am not sitting through that and I haven't even heard one word in there but you.
Her:Oh, well i don't need a snack now, we aren't at church.

PERFECT example of how she expects certain things at certain places. Got to love routine!

Now home... Elizabeth is coming over and spending the night..... So let me tell you what this means ALWAYS..

Play some, get mad, meltdowns, MASSIVE meltdowns, and lots of fun.

Samarra has to have things her way or no way. I don't allow it and with Elizabeth it gets worse because she wants to play with the baby sometimes and Samarra wont have it!

It got very bad this time... She was screaming, repeating words, looked very angry, and then the last straw came. She opened the door and left it open and I asked her to close the door so the baby wouldn't get out. She says.. I don't care, i hope she dies, so i can be happy again. I am MAD I WANT to go to the park. park park park, park, park park.......... I say.. Close the door NOW.

She turns around and grabs the door and slams it as hard as she could.... Yup, i have been pushed over the edge.. And I am sorry if you don't believe in spankings, but I do. This was part aspergers, but this was part 6 year old and I must get this under control and NO taking things away does not work, she doesn't care and will tell you so.

With out a lot of details, I sent her to my room.. Never punish a child in front of others... I waited until my anger was not ragging and I delt with it...

Yea, the rest of the night was 99% better, routine issues, has to sleep a certain place, some other asperger symptoms.. but that is ok........

Just so you know, I didn't take her to the park because we had already got toys, a craft, ice cream, favorite food out, water park, played outside........ I was not just trying to keep her from having fun.
See we do go places!

Also, the more fun things you do.. EXPECT IT, the more emotional issues you will have.. I don't know why.. maybe the excitement just doesn't wear off and she doesn't know how to handle it.. Who knows.

All I know is I love her a lot and that's it.

Monday.. oops found out I need to work, so off to Debbi's she goes. I don't know what happens there and I don't ask, but she will not act out the same there because it is new, there are no routines there.

Happy Tuesday!!!!

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