Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Thursday, July 21, 2011

Aspergers, Sick = calm and expressive in her July 21, 2011

Happy Thursday!!!

Yes, I know I didn't write yesterday, thank you to everyone who let me know  LOLOL  Like I dint know.  He-he...It was a crazy busy day, not bad just busy!! I think I have become a soap opera........a little addictive maybe.....Well join me, cause I am kinda addicted to my writing...

OK, now on to my days...  I think Samarra is getting sick= (  poor baby, or her allergies are just going into hyper-drive! She sounds like her head is so swollen up inside that it is almost hard to understand her words....... She also gets to the point she is choking on the drainage. But my mother is a superwoman voo doo doctor...  Not really, just the name I use with her cause she has a fix for everything I think...... lol She used the Nedi pot on Samarra and man was it crazy how much can fit in our heads!!!!!!!!!!  Sorry if that is TMI  lolol
Has the "look" sick to me....

So here is the thing.. When she was in school last year, it took Samarra being sick for me to find out she was being bullied every day.........She never realized she was being bullied and still doesn't to this day. But when she is sick she is calm, and I don't know if it is the benadryl or what, but she calms to the point of talking and she expresses things more. 

So this is how it went, she was laying on the couch and said something about a birthday party for a kid in her class........I WAS ECSTATIC!!  This will be her first birthday invite... I responded with OH honey that is awesome, when is it??  She then says...  calmly........I am not invited, I said WHAT?   She says, yeah he told me I wasnt comign because he hated me and i was weird.......


This is where on the inside i felt my face go hot, I believe my head spun around and i was shaking, and wanted to SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  BUT............I didn't

He said what honey? She repeated what he said to me, I then said Oh I am sure he was just teasing right.........I actually was just hoping.......... She then says , no all the kids tell me that, but its ok, cause they say as along as I ask them everyday if i can be there friend they might let me. They haven't yet, but I bet they will tomorrow.......I just have to keep trying right mom........They have only hit me a couple times.......I then decided to get nasty a bit about it.. and I said well honey if they say that then that just shows you how stupid they are and they are jealous of you cause your so pretty and have beautiful clothes...........they are jealous of you......
 See how cute she is= )

WHAT???????????? What the heck else was I suppose to say in the midst of my internal anger to where I actually did not like these kids!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got on the phone with her teacher real quick and I stayed professional, but I told them how things were going to be like this.

I told him what had happened about the party and I reinforced that NO b-day cards should be allowed at school unless all kids are invited!!!!!! And then I made myself CLEAR on what i expected going forward and that it will not be tolerated and that if it was not stopped immediately I will contact the police because the children have actually put their hands on my child and according to the law doesn't matter what age.. it is ASSAULT!!!!!!!!!! 

This was probably one of the most sad days of my life and one of the most anger filled days of my life. It is so hard to hear that your child is being made fun of. Sure we wish all will be great, but you know it is parents ultimate responsibility to raise their kids to KNOW ALL kids/people are different and NO ONE is better than the next. GOD does not make mistakes..........We are EXACTLY how we are suppose to be and perfect in his eyes. Now we have to learn how to move on with anything that may to society try to hold us down. BE STRONG and that is what I hope to teach Samarra.  I may not do a good job, but I will do my best!

OK so why am i going on about this???  Because her Nanna sent her a card in the mail and in it she said something about her new school and making friends........ Well Samarra has been talking about it every since....... Here are some of the things she is saying...

I am sure I will like the school, but I don't think anyone will like me anyway.
Maybe you should just home school  me so no kids have to see how weird I am
I am smart, but the kids don't seem to care if I am or not.
I wonder if I will have to ask the kids to like me
Do you think I will be able to play with kids at this school?
Why is it so hard for people to like me?
Mom, why do i have to be like I am.?
Do you think anyone will come to my birthday party if I ask them?
I have the learning part down, I just have to be nicer and maybe they will like me...

I cant tell you how sad this makes me, I actually went to bed and cried last night and I just don't know what to do. I am a HUGE positive reinforcement person and I do that.............And as you can see I will get nasty if I have to... and there just may be some truth in my saying they were jealous of her maybe I don't know...  I can tell you though I have talked to the new school and the teacher is VERY informed and has dealt with Aspergers, Autism, and other social issues that come up and I feel very comfortable about her going to this school. I will however have yet another meeting before school starts and reinforce that it BETTER not happen. it is a private school and there will be 5 or 6 in her class and I PAY for that!!!!!!! 

OK sorry about the rant, trust me I could go on and on.. but that only makes anger build in me and that will not help accomplish anything.SOOOOOOOOOOOO  Lets be HAPPY HAPPY!! and take it one  step at a time...........And if it does happen, I will turn into the biggest crazy banshee crazy woman on this planet!!!!!!  And I wont care...............Only my sub-human knows how i really can get!!!   lolol  All the rest of you think I am so sweet= )

Oh in case you didn't know... this is a banshee lolol Actually kind of cool looking to me= )

Well This post is long enough, between Samarras low self esteem, anxiety about school, breakdowns over time issues, death and trying to smother her sister and I..............that was my days= )   lol Like how I make all that stuff sound so casually normal......................Be around a child with aspergers long and you know.. IT IS NORMAL!!!!!!

Here are some goodies!!!

 Samarra with friend J.R at the zoo.............This is the friend she gets along best with!
 Siahna at the zoo

Have a wonderful day!!!!!!!

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