Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Friday, June 24, 2011

Aspergers Doctors, Time, and Puzzles...June 24

T.G.I.F. Happy Friday !!!

It's Friday, it's my payday, got to pay the bills today, and broke today!!!!!!!!  But I am still happy because I have a job, a family, a house and food........What more could we need= )

So last night was pretty awesome actually. A few time issues and anxiety of being alone, but otherwise was a smooth ride!

So let me say and I am sure you know.... I LOVE MY DAUGHTERS!!!  But seriously i can not walk from room to room with out both of them on my heels!! The baby, that makes sense to me, but Samarra has this really high anxiety right now that if I walk to another room, she is yelling for me to come back, or she jumps up and follows me. What are you doing, where are you going, how long will you be in here, where are you going after....... You don't know HOW hard I bite my tongue.. I want to say something like.. Oh I thought I would just hop on a plane and take off for a while.......... LOLOL  So it sounds funny to write, but it wouldn't go over well with her................. Remember, everything is literal, NO Joking.  She would freak out!

I then think I better enjoy it now cause one day she wont want to be around me...........Well I am not so sure that is true for her...........but I will just let it go... I cant imagine being so high anxiety all the time!!! I guess I wish i could use the restroom alone though  lolol

Last night time seemed to be an issue, she wanted to know specifics of how long it would take for me to do everything.Well you know how that goes.. Now my anxiety is up... I am like watching the clock to make sure I keep my word  lol.. But i really don't have to watch because I have my walking reminder of the time it is always....  I love hearing you have 1 min and so many seconds , or 10 min, 9, min, 8 min.........

So I also started working on telling her things but following it up with "it may not happen" but that is the plan right now.. ok... This is because she knew the plan today is water park with cousins....  Just in case I have been telling her A LOT it may not happen, but it is ok..........Just FYI, it will not cause her to NOT have a meltdown, but it will be smaller....

This is how serious it is.. If ANYONE says they will do something, in the meltdown she is usually screaming something like "They LIED". So for all those of you who interact with me, please don't do that...........I understand things change, and she has to learn things change, but lets try to not.. Thanks= )    It is funny, I talked to my dad yesterday and he said he had NO CLUE she does any of these things...

This is why no one knows or sees most of it.........................When you are around us, it is a major event for her, she is happy, she gets attention, there is nothing routine about where we are, or what we do..........No potential for a meltdown..........Her issues come in everyday life routines mostly and that happens with mommy and Mimi.

Samarra is the extreme with everything........She LOVES HARD, Gets More excited and most and cant handle it, she gets sad deeply, and can get hurt and frustrated more than probably anyone you know.

THAT is the biggest part Aspergers. it is not a disease, it is not an illness, it can not be is simply the inability handle emotions and act appropriate in different situations..... She will have to learn how to do this and she will have this issue for the rest of her life. This is why her social interactions are not great.

Ok, well class dismissed... lololol  Just a little lesson there....

So me and my puzzle skillz went to work last night also...  LOL  I remember doing puzzles with Grandpa for days! He would have those ones with like 1000 pieces......Very good memory for me...  So anyway, my skills jumped into a puzzle with 48 pieces last night    HAHAHAHA 

So let me remind you, Samarra goes on and on about something she wants, and puzzles was the thing last night. I get it all ready and we start, well guess what.. a few minutes later I am alone......... WHAT THE........ So I am not sure but I probably look quite pathetic sitting alone playing with barbies, puzzles, Mr. Potato head..........LOLOLOL  The funnier thing is, I am all into it........ I think I may need a therapist or something.......They would probably say, I didn't have a childhood or something.......  lol  OH well, just starting to play keeps Samarra happy and she knows where I am and what I am doing and in a way I think she is the MOST relaxed during this time. So whatever, I will be the best toy playing mom around.

Here is MY finished product of the puzzle. This is actually cool, this came with three separate puzzles to make one big picture......So I did the second one last night. The picture shows both of them though.

So the doctor thinks I need to get in with the social therapist and us both work on the death and dying and hurtful things that she seems to think of a lot. As I was trying to talk to the doctor Samarra went into a emotional meltdown.... this is different in that she doesn't want to hear, or cant handle the emotions behind what she hears.......I was talking about some of the things I have told you and it about sent her into tears.. she just kept repeating NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and had her hands to her ears and she did NOT want me saying what I was saying......... The doctor is good in that she is very calm and she was asking the perfect questions to get her to talk a LITTLE. She does NOT like hearing about bad things happening to anyone she knows...........she really shut down when I was talking and all I was doing was repeating things she had said to me...................

The doctor pointed out to me that she is in a constant state of anxiety of being alone, people around her dying and leaving her........Why we don't know.........But it causes her to think of all the possible things that could happen and she just doesn't know how to handle this. The doctor has Samarra draw a picture before she even sees us and Samarra had drawn a picture of me when I am old with a walker and when asked she said it is my mom and she is about to die.  

I should have asked for that one so I could hang it up on the refrigerator!!!!!!!!!!!!!!    LOLOLOLOLOL

So I guess that was the day, no drama to speak of..........I have learned that I need to do some more reassurance for her, maybe one day she will know Her daddy and I and the family will NEVER leave her willingly and no matter what we will ALWAYS love her....  She always asks if I love her..

So Happy Friday!!!!!!!  and have an AWESOME weekend!!!!!

Here is another oldie but goodie for ya since I didn't really get the camera out a lot last night= )

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