Is enough ever enough with Asperger's?
Do you ever have days that don't seem to end? Well I guess since I haven't written since Thursday of last, I think my stress level went up... Whew! I need to be more diligent in this to make sure I stay sane!
So Friday I left work early to make sure I had enough time to get the girls ready for the Zoo!!!!!! Yay!! The zoo was having a special event for kids with disabilities, free admission, food, photo, rides.. It was an awesome time! Two sets of her grandparents were able to go and it was fun!! We also were with a good friend of min Margaret who let Samarra ride in the wagon! Thanks Margaret.
The whole experience besides being free was awesome, Every family had a family member with special needs, and if you can imagine the low stress level of all of it. Everyone there was very comfortable with all kinds of meltdowns, looking different, acting different. I felt comfortable when Samarra would or could have acted out, or had a meltdown for some reason. I loved it for me too!!!!!!
Here is another zoo event worth going out for!!!
Now on to Saturday.... Not bad really..... I already knew I would have to deal with her wanting to go to the zoo... BTW Saturday and Sunday I dealt with crying on why we were not going to the zoo at 6 p.m., Those darn routines!!!!! So we had about 2 meltdowns each day on why we aren't going, and I am willing to bet we have one today, until the thought of it being routine is over.
We had lets see 6 meals on Sat. and Sun. so we had 6 not meltdowns, but very angry and gagging issues with meat. I am sorry I am not going to let this one go... I can't let her eat bread only. The doctor has already told me she has too much yeast in her system from her sneaking and eating bread products. OK, so I am lazy, I have given this issue over to her father, I REFUSE to deal with it any longer... I don't care what he does to make it happen, he gets it done.
Understand, I do not give her a large amount of meat, if it is lunch meat, I give her like HALF of one piece, chicken i cut up small maybe five bites, sausage,about half about 5 bites as well, hot dog, about half. I am not putting a bunch of meat on the plate and expecting her to eat a whole cow!
Samarra's cousin Elizabeth is coming over for the night, so the night should go well other than the cry, fighting and jealousy of the baby, but mostly it is ok. UNTIL...The kids are sure quiet... what are they doing?? I go look and they got the baby up on the bed.. Samarras bed if 5 steps off the ground, no real sides to it. WHAT THE????? Why the heck would you do that..
Here is where you get to see the difference between non aspergers and aspergers.
Me: Calmly, Girls I want you to understand that if the baby falls from that height she could break an arm, leg, get hurt real bad or even die... Do you realize that?
Elizabeth: Lets get her down now!
Elizabeth: Samarra she cant come up here lets get her down now, Im scared.
Samarra: I want her up here and so what if she falls.
Elizabeth: Aunt Darla get her down please.. tears welling up.. I am sorry I didnt know...
Samarra: NOOOOOOOOOO keep her up here I want her up here!
Elizabeth: Samarra, NO
Me: I am getting her down by the way.
Samarra: Keep her up here, i can watch her
Elizabeth: No it will be safer on the ground and we can find something to block the steps
Samarra: Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay, stay , stay , stay, stay, Very mad face, keeps repeating..Here it comes!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Samarra you can stop this..... SAMARRA.. focus......
Samarra: Stay Stay.... I cant!
Throwing things off the bed, flaring her body around hitting.. I take the baby and Elizabeth out of the room and I shut the door. She came out about 10 min later and was fine.
It is amazing every time that happens, it is like a light switch, off, on... Never know when it will come.. well I know sometimes.
So after Friday night outside, and a lot of Saturday, i realized about 8 p.m. I did something bad to myself.... HEAD hurting!!!!!!!!!!! Sick to stomach bad, every muscle i feel like i have 50lb. weights on to move. Saturday, I kept falling asleep, it hurt to move, still head hurting and some other symptoms as well.... Yup I got a heat something and didn't drink enough.....Duh stupid! But too late, blah I hate this.. here it is Monday and i still feel like BLAH!!!!!!!!!!
So like scientist have discovered the way to not dehydrate is to DRINK water. I know it now....
So I braved it and let the girls get in the swimming pool I put up in the shade, I do not want to see the sun or any vitamin D !!!!!!! You know it is the little things that you expect to just go good.... All is good, kids playing, its been about 10 min. Ok moms you know it takes longer than 10 min to get ready.... Samarra is done.... UM no your not. I am done and I am going in the house. Me again, girl you better go play in that water you been crying about all day. But it is time for a snack. I simply look the other direction and pretend she is not talking...... I am sure that response is the proper way to handle it right???? Guess what?? I don't care! I don't feel well, I am not in the mood for a debate.
She decides to play, but only if she can make the baby cry... ugggg great now I have to move!!!!!! limp, arms are noodles, baby is screaming......
Me: Samarra stop!
Samarra: But it is fun!
Me: Samarra don't make me go crazy on you, STOP.
Samarra: folding her arms.. her first way of shutting me out, but she stopped...
Me: I tried to get the baby calmed down but no luck, now my nerves are to the top.. I am going to scream any second! But guess what I don't...
Me: Ok, time to get out all of you....
Elizabeth: OK.. do te do te do.. she is just so go with the flow at my house... I think she might be scared of me cause she has heard me dealing with Samarra.
Samarra: I am not getting out, you love everyone but me, I never get to do what i want, you don't love me, you love the baby more than me.
Me: How is that??
Samarra: cause you wont let me drown her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Me: Oh good Lord..........By Samarra...
Elizabeth and I and Siahna who is still crying went in and I shut the door, and I told Aaron he needed to get our other daughter so I didn't go crazy on her. Head hurting doesn't help me not go crazy by the way.
Oh well weekend is over, house is a wreck, I feel like um crap, yes I said that... And I am going to bed.. No OCD cleaning can help me tonight!!!!!!
Here are some photos of what I/we did this weekend.
No matter how much I complain, or sound like I hate my life.. I will say this. God knows what he is doing and doesn't make mistakes. I love my family with all my heart, and no-one could ever do anything to change that.........
I grew up with foster children who I looked more at like my brothers and sisters from a very young age and I remember praying to God for him to give me one of the children with special needs so I could love them and they wouldn't get beat, or hurt or abused like the ones my mom helped care for...So in a way I got my miracle, and Her name is Samarra and I wouldn't change it for the world!
Here is an event that looks fun!!!
Have a Happy Monday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- Info on the insane mom.
- Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!