Aspergers Mommy

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Well I am a mom of two wonderful kids that I have been blessed with!!! I am not a psychiatrist, or a doctor so anything I say is not the answer to all, it might not even be the right thing for me!! lol I do my best with who and what I have to overcome any challenge with lots and lots of prayer,my mom who is God given just to me for this very reason, my sisters, and friends! I love life, mostly positive........BUT I am insane at times, get to the point of wanting to explode! lol.. I sing kids songs way too much! Did I mention I am OCD when it comes to cleaning. Which believe it or not I think is what keeps me sane. When I clean, I love it. Breakdowns, crying, talking, just all seem to be ok as I clean..Thank God for OCD!!!

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Aspergers, Her world and mine June 14, 2011

Happy Tuesday!

It is going to be HOT!!! Weather!!

So I know I usually start out with well this happened and this happened, but I guess I NEED to do something else... I started this blog to help ME, not just go on and on about things at the house. Of course for the understanding to be there I do tell things that happen. But I have emotions too and they are not all angry or frustration.

As anyone with a child with a special need you get extreme love from them in different ways sometimes that another. All children are different, but I have to admit I want so bad for her to say things to me because she means them with out an another motive behind it. 

When I got home yesterday it was pretty much the same routine. Mom whats for dinner.......... me trying to make it.......her stressing out because I am taking too long which could be 1 second and it is too long. Well I do get aggravated and I try to get her to stay in the living room to wait the ONE minute but she will come in and say, i just want to hug you or I just want to tell you I love you.....I know good and well she does love me, but most of the time she expresses it it is because she wants something.......I guess last night I needed a bit more and I got dinner done and went outside on the porch and i felt my eyes get teary............

Have you ever heard a child say.."No matter what I do it never seems to be enough or good enough"..........Well now you are hearing a parent say it. As much as I plan and try to fit in her world, I cant seem to get there. Do I try too hard to fit in her world or do I need to suck this up and try harder for her to fit in our world and just go through the emotional outbreaks that is going to cause until she "Gets" it???

I am not looking for sympathy.. I just know that I am not the only one and it needs to be said and known.. So if you know someone in a situation like this or even just a mom with kids... let them know they are appreciated and loved not just for being mom, maid, and cook= ) Got to give it up for the dad's too though the ones who get in there and do it too....!!

I love her so much the same as I love Siahna and nothing she will ever do will change it..Now, she does have her moments like last night, we went outside and the sun was about to set and the sky was pretty........She says..Mom, inst that the most spectacular sunset...I say, yes honey it is very beautiful........She says.. And I am getting to share it with my mother... I love you mom.......... I wanted to cry all over, just because she wanted nothing at the moment

Then the next words were... 
Samarra: Will you play UNO with me 
Me: No honey it is almost time for bed and that last too long
Samarra: But we played it last night
Me: I know and it was fun..(Not really)
Samarra: So we need to play it tonight
Me: Lets watch out time tomorrow and we can play ok, but not tonight.
Samarra: But we need to play tonight, we ALWAYS PLAY.
Me: When do we always we dont
Samarra: Crying, lets play now, we need to play.
Me: Nope we need to go get ready for bed
Samarra: Yelling and crying and arms doing something....and some kind of cry yell...
Me: Ignore, gets up and walks away
Samarra: Crying, hitting, wailing
Not sure how long that lasted, but she walks in, can I have a snack..........and the same thing happens with that.........

Brush teeth and go to bed......... 

So here is the thing...................WHY??????  Why must almost everything be so dramatic?????? it all comes out the same way in the end. Why does making cookies turn into a nightmare with fighting and me having to grab her and hold her back. Why does playing a game have to be so intense....Why does dinner, breakfast and lunch and snacks have to be so blah! Why am I not big as a house from stress eating... lol  Had to throw that in there... 

All I know is she was meant to be with me and i know I can do this, but i do really want a mom daugther relationship in a mutual world.........But I am very thankful for what aI do have... Some parents don't get to hear the words "I love you" at all.. matter of fact some don't get to hear words at all!!!!!!!! So suck it up DARLA!!!!   lolol  ok I feel better= )

One last note for today.... Those of you who know me understand I don't go very many places and i guess i am a bit of a hermit.... This is not by choice...........I don't know if you have noticed with my posts, the more we do, the more she wants and expects and the more I have to try to prevent meltdowns........... She had one last night cause we didnt go out after she had been to McDonald's with mom and Walmart which she likes by the way. 

But here is the best place to plan your time out.... Of course WIMGO guys... help a sister out and let me know of any events you don't see in here! Wimgo events page  Go in an do a review on any restaurant or business and you could win $200.00 also.. just letting you know! No I am not trying to sell you something, but I am telling you.. I personally have purchased at least 6 or 7 wimgo daily deals also. Wimgo Daily Deals

A lot of kids with Autism/Aspergers like to be in a familiar place and around familiar people, she is the extreme opposite, she loves to go go go.........talks to everyone and she is one who could get talked into going with a stranger.......I have a minute to work on this one, but I am so scared she will just turn to anyone to get love when she gets older.............God help us!

Well The day is going to be the hottest yet!!!!! But have a good one!!!!

I finished my rock garden, here is a few pics of it... I might have to rearrange a while until I am happy... but.... I forgot to take a whole picture shot.. I will tonight= )

Oh just FYI, while I was out putting things in place, Samarra was at window knocking on it trying to get me to come in.... I ignored her.. lol And don't you just love the cigarette pack on the third picture I just noticed it.. It ADD's so much to the garden!!!  Thanks Aaron!

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